When I was a wee little girl, I loved taking those stupid quizzes in teeny-bopper magazines. You know, the ones like: Will your crush ask you out? or Decode your personality based on your bangs! or dumb stuff like that. But oh my god, they were SOOOO accurate and believable to a little girl following a weirdly sketched diagram or adding up Bs. If I learned anything from those quizzes, it’s that I’m a gullible weirdo who likes predictable, impersonal quizzes to tell me stuff I already know.. or make up generic things that could maaaaybe apply to me.. or the 3247628348234 other girls taking the same quiz.
So now, I want to make a quiz because I feel that I have gained so much quiz-taking knowledge and would love to decode all of your personalities in the most impersonal way possible. So if you ever wondered about your inner psyche.. you’re about to find out ~*~*
If you like crunchy… you’re a free-spirit. No one can put a leash on your wild inner animal. You like the color chartreuse. You regularly get Justin Bieber songs in your head and you like it. You like Cocker Spaniels.
If you like creamy… you like to play by the rules. In fact, you love rules so much, you have an obsession with rulers. You have ones from 7 countries in Europe and you cherish them dearly. You have a deep fear of trampolines after your horrible cousin Ashley pushed you off of one when you were nine. You’re artistic.
If you like sour… whoa now, you’re totally a wild child! You were born in January, February, or the remaining 10 months. Your lucky number is 22. You have a secret love for expensive silk shirts.
If you like sweet… you are kind of a predictable person, but you have a weird side no one understands. You wear shirts under all your clothes that says ‘I Love Aaron Samuels’ and you know the difference between cheap, polyester K-Mart hair extensions worn by Shawana and the classy stuff.
If you’re a chocolate person… you’re probably between the height of 4’11″ and 6’1″. If you think back to all the people you’ve dated, most of their names start with the letter G. Yellow is your favorite color.. or maybe it isn’t, I don’t know you that well.
If you’re a vanilla person… you HATE when people call you ‘vanilla’. Don’t they know you’re so much more? What those people don’t know is you’re secretly planning a revolution and are making posters in your basement. You don’t know what you’re revolting just yet, but dammit you’re gonna do it. You won’t stand for being vanilla no’ mo’. People can’t judge you based on your ice cream preference. This is AMERICA.
If you’re a strawberry person… you’re probably the cool person everyone wishes they were best friends with. But sometimes you wish people would realize that after grueling days of being the popular person, you just like to go home, get into some pajamas, and interpretive dance in your living room to Enya. Sure, the world is your potato, but sometimes you just have to reconnect with the earth, you know?
If you like flan/custard/bread pudding… you’re a confident, fearless leader. You’re not afraid to admit you like food that tastes like wet sponges. SO WHAT, BITCHES, you say as you throw up your sign. Wut wuuuuuuut. You also enjoy eating said flan/custard/bread pudding while being surrounded by geckos, spiders and while watching Toddlers and Tiaras because you’re not afraid of creepy things.
If you don’t like marshmallows… you’re probably soulless. That, or when you were a Girl Scout, your troop leader scared the friggin’ badges off of you when she mentioned that if you eat marshmallows too quickly you’ll straight up DIE because no one can save you when a marshmallow is lodged in your throat. Like, WTF morbid troop leader? We ain’t playin’ chubby bunny over here but now I’m like scarred from ever eating puffy sugar again.
If you like fruitcake… this is your gentle reminder that the year is 2013, and people only give other people fruitcake if they hate them. Also, you may want to have your doctor look at your tongue because you were probably born without tastebuds.
Anywaaaay, I hope y’all learned a lot about yourselves. And hopefully all of this deep soul-searching worked up your appetite because I brought the most badass dessert evahhhh. They’re slightly adapted from one of the awesome recipes in my friend Averie‘s book, Peanut Butter Comfort– her Six Layer Cookie and Marshmallow S’mores Sandwich Bars. When I saw these babies, I fell in LOVE. There’s something so magical about six heart-throbbing layers of sugary, buttery goodness, and something so comforting about the delightful combination of cookies and s’mores. So I used the same concept, but with an old friend: Biscoff. The result is kinda sorta mindblowing, and if you eat them, it pretty much means you’re awesome
- 2 (16 oz flat) pkgs refrigerated Oatmeal Scotchie cookie mix (if you can’t find Oatmeal Scotchie flavor, substitute regular oatmeal or chocolate chip)
- 3 Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate + Caramel Bars
- 1 cup crunchy Biscoff
- 1 (7 oz) jar marshmallow cream/fluff
- ½ cup butterscotch or peanut butter chips (your choice!)
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line an 8×8″ baking pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. Spray the foil with cooking spray.. seriously, the marshmallow will be super sticky, so take all the precautions you can!
- Press ONE (1) of the packages of cookie dough evenly along the bottom of the prepared pan. Top with the three chocolate bars. You may want to break up one of the bars to help cover the area of the dough, but try to cover it as much as possible.
- Spread the crunchy Biscoff spread evenly over the chocolate bars. Top evenly with the marshmallow fluff. Sprinkle with the butterscotch or the peanut butter chips (or try both!).
- Lastly, top the layers with the remaining package of cookie dough. To make this easier, there’s two ways. I like ripping off chunks of the dough, flattening them in my palm, and gently laying them over one another evenly to cover the top of the bars as best I can. You can also lightly flour a flat surface and roll out the dough to form a slab, then layer it on top. As long as the cookie dough is evenly covering, you’re good. And it’s totally cool if some marshmallow peeks out!
- This pan will weigh approximately 87 pounds, so don’t be alarmed. Haul it into the oven and bake for approx. 25 minutes. The center may appear slightly undone, but that’s okay — it will firm up as it cools. Do not overbake. Allow the bars to cool at room temperature about 1-2 hours, then refrigerate for an additional 2 hours to set up.
- Lift the overhang out of the pan and cut the bars into, well, bars. Serve!
I am a huge Biscoff fan.. if you’ve never had it, it’s a cookie butter spread with a similar consistency to peanut butter, but with a rich, warm flavor reminiscent of gingerbread cookies. It’s sweet, slightly spiced, and SO delicious in place of peanut butter for a nice little kick. The Biscoff totally lends these bars a homemade, heart-warming flavor that reminds me of something grandma would make. The chewy oatmeal cookie layers, the creamy layer of oozing caramel-filled chocolate, the soft, sweet marshmallow fluff and the studs of butterscotch chips.. everything works so harmoniously in these six-layer wonder bars. They are overtly sweet and not for the faint of heart, so don’t say you weren’t warned!