I really envy all of you who are no longer in this cruel, harsh world of dating.
If I had to compare the dating to world to something, it would probably be District 12 in the Hunger Games. Vastly insipid & just downright terrible.
So a few days ago, I posted on my personal Facebook, recruiting friends to tell me the romantic stories of how they met their husbands/wives/SO’s. My inbox was flooded with adorable stories while I tried my best to convince myself love was real after another lame date with a dud.
And then, I got a message from a guy whom I’d been Facebook friends with for awhile. I don’t know why I initially added him; he was friends of friends and I’d never met him, so I was shocked he had personally messaged me. He confessed he’d been having dating trouble, too, and thought we should get together since we’d probably have a lot in common. I agreed, so we began texting. Turns out, we had a ton in common which totally blew my socks off.
We spent all day asking each other personal questions to get to know each other better. He confessed he hated liars and cheaters since he’d been cheated on before (as do I) and liked food (as do I) so I pretty much knew we’d like each other. We made plans to meet up for ice cream the next day.
SO you can imagine my shock when perusing his Facebook page (hey, we’re friends, first of all, and second of all, I wanted to refresh my memory as to what he even looked like), I noticed at the top of his wall a picture of him and this cute blonde girlie posted a day earlier. In her comments she proclaimed they’d been official for a month and he was her new man. Interesting.
I figured I would let this boy know that there was a rather cute blonde on his Facebook who seemed to think they were officially a couple, so I did — to which he replied, “I know this, but we aren’t official yet.”
Um, exsqueeze me? A baking powder? Aren’t official yet? Aren’t official? Really? Because it seems to me this young lassie thinks you two have been official for about a month now. Still not knowing all the details, but also feeling very uncomfortable dating someone who has a random chick longing for him on the other arm, I told him hanging out probably wouldn’t be the best idea right now. He said he understood, and that was that.
Fast forward to when I get home, and this pathetic piece of trash has blocked me on Facebook. Straight-up blocked me. For what? Calling him out for being a loser? Because I didn’t want to get ice cream with him while he was currently a BOYFRIEND to someone else? What a freaking loser, right?
Not to mention, he kept overusing my name (a HUGE pet peeve of mine) in casual conversation and said weird things like how he wanted to “hold me.” I’m not a baby. Please do not touch me, strange man. And do not use my name or tell me you’ll hold me. You are scary.
So anyways, you can see how I’m extremely envious of those of you who have retired from this treacherous world of online dating since it is just a big clusterf*ck of awful. I’m sure “the one” is out there and I’ll “meet him when I’m not looking/when I least expect it!” but come on, do I really have to go out with shithead after shithead before I’ll find the one? And they all seem so normal at first… but then again, Jeffrey Dahmer was normal before he went and ate people. So maybe I just survived a serial killer, who knows.
Anyway, bad dates + survival require a treat, and I can’t think of anything more indulgent than these delectable Pop Tart Cookie Dough S’mores! I was walking around the store one day when I spotted S’mores PopTarts and KNEW I had to make something with this iconic, delicious pastry. Then it hit me: um, duh. S’mores!
Between each S’mores flavored PopTart is a fluffy marshmallow and a thick layer of egg-free chocolate chip cookie dough, thrown in for extra indulgence. The entire thing is dunked in milk chocolate and topped with festive sprinkles — perfect for Fourth of July since they’re an American classic and they’re no-bake! Your family will be requesting these on the daily, so get ready to taste your new favorite treat!
- 1 box (4 pkgs) S'mores PopTarts (if you can't find S'mores, substitute Cookies N Cream or Chocolate Chip)
- 8 Jet-Puffed Square S'mores Marshmallows (or Stackermallows, which are long, thin marshmallows ideal for stacking for s'mores)
- 1 & ½ pkgs chocolate Candiquik
- Sprinkles
- FOR EGG FREE COOKIE DOUGH:
- 1 stick butter, softened
- ¾ cup brown sugar
- ¼ cup white sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 2 tsp milk
- Dash salt
- 1 & ½ cups all-purpose flour
- ½ cup miniature chocolate chips
- Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil or a silicone liner and set aside. Cut each PopTart in half crosswise; you'll have 16 fat little squares total. Set aside.
- In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream together the butter, brown sugar and sugar with the paddle attachment until creamy. Beat in vanilla and milk to combine. Stir in salt and flour to combine, then stir in the chocolate chips.
- Take a marshmallow and gently tug on it to help stretch it out into a longer rectangular shape. You don't need to completely stretch it, just until it fits on the PopTart better. Gently press onto the flat, unfrosted side of a PopTart half. Take a Tablespoon-sized ball of dough and press it into a rectangular shape with your fingers. Gently press the cookie dough onto the other flat, unfrosted side of the PopTart half. Then smoosh the two halves together; place on the baking sheet and repeat with remaining s'mores.
- Freeze the s'mores for about 30 minutes-1 hour or until solid. Melt the Candiquik according to package directions and pour the mixture into a deep bowl with high sides; it makes it easier to submerge the s'mores.
- Dunk each s'mores into the chocolate, coating completely. Allow excess chocolate to drip off (I use a fork for easier dunking) and return to the baking sheet; immediately top with sprinkles. If the two halves come apart, spread some melted chocolate on top of the marshmallow and resandwich the halves, waiting about a minute or two before dunking the entire thing (the chocolate will seal the sandwich together faster when the s'more is super cold).
- Store leftovers in the fridge or freezer. They're good room temperature or cold!
Aren’t they adorable? SO simple to make and scrumptious, too! I love the unexpected cookie dough surprise smothered inside of each sweet and chewy bite! These are huge and quite a mouthful, but lazy summer days deserve decadent, frosty treats and these s’mores are no exception — they’re great frozen!
For this recipe, I used Jet-Puffed’s new S’moreMallows, which are puffy square-shaped marshmallows which perfectly fit onto a graham cracker for a s’more! I loved how they were almost the perfect shape for my PopTart s’mores — that gentle tug I mention in the directions helps stretch them out to fit the area of the PopTart better, ensuring gooey marshmallow in every bite. If you can’t find these S’moreMallows, consider using Stackermallows (long, narrow marshmallows, great for snacking) or regular marshmallows that have been halved or pressed so they lie flat within the s’more and don’t roll around. You can also try different flavors of PopTarts or cookie dough to suit your tastes!
Have a fantastical day!!
xo, Hayley
Caley says
Hayley, I’m with you…online dating (and dating in general) are awful!!! So horrible. Every time someone suggest the online thing to me, I’m like, I’ve DONE it, and I can’t take it anymore. Those websites point out to me that girls can be single for lots of normal reasons, but guys of a certain age (older than 20, maybe) are single because they are INCREDIBLY WEIRD. Hang in there. Ugh. 😉
thedomesticrebel says
Haha, thanks so much Caley! While I’m sad you’re in my same boat, I’m also happy I’m not alone! You hang in there, too! We’re bound to grab us a winner one of these days — maybe TWINS?! 😉
How to Philosophize with Cake says
Sorry to hear about your dating troubles. Although this looks like a perfect treat to recover! 😀
thedomesticrebel says
It certainly is! Thank you 🙂
Lauren says
Unfortunately, yes. You will date shithead after shithead and it will be awful and frustrating. BUT, you are awesome and hilar and you will find that great, wonderful man for you. I was there; I get it. It super sucks! It will be worth it. I met my husband when I was 31, after I’d resigned from dating and accepted that I’d be single forever. He was worth the wait.
Hang in there. It will be worth it. 🙂
thedomesticrebel says
Awh, thanks Lauren, dear! I appreciate that. And I’m ready to date more shitheads since I’ll get more writing material for the blog and my memoir, which I’m very seriously considering writing based off of all my dating experiences alone, haha.
Lauren says
I’d totes buy it.
Sophia @ NY Foodgasm says
You are one naughty little minx, this looks sinfully delish!
thedomesticrebel says
Oh, Sophia — you know how to make me smile! 🙂
Tieghan says
Sinfully AMAZING!
thedomesticrebel says
Thank you, Tieghan!
Julianne @ Beyond Frosting says
Just stop it right now!! Pop tarts, cookie dough and marshmallows. AMAZBALLS!!!
thedomesticrebel says
Haha, thank you lovebug! <3
miss messy says
I’m resigned to living with 12 cats and eating cookie dough out the tub. It’s awful isn’t it, I really can’t deal with it. I’m 21 and my friends are getting married and planning their lives and I’m there like ‘hey, who wants another margarita?!’. Boys are a pain in the bum. Period. Anyway, these look fabulous as usual. Nom.
thedomesticrebel says
Miss Messy, I will HAPPILY befriend you and eat tons of cookie dough with you with our cats and margaritas. I think I’m retiring from boys for good, haha!
Tina says
The dirtbag blocked you to prevent you from notifying the poor blondie that he’s playing her. I admit that I did not figure this out on my own. My male office mate listened to your story and that was his perspective. I would like to tell you that I think it’s pretty awesome that you listened to your screaming instincts. I have wasted too many years not listening to mine.
And why are these marshmallows just being invented? Genius.
thedomesticrebel says
Tina, you’re probably right! I was actually thinking about that today as I cleaned, wondering if I should tell her or not. But then I realized, I didn’t remember her name from his Facebook, and since I didn’t have access to his FB anymore.. oh well. Hopefully she’ll find out in due time!
And I know, right? These marshmallows are AWESOME!
CandiH says
Wow! What a dweeb! There’s too many out there like that. Moving on your Pop Tart Smore’s look and sound wonderful! Going to try them over the week end. Thanks for sharing. Keep your chin up, your followers all love you:) HUGZ:)
thedomesticrebel says
Awh, thanks Candi! I hope you enjoy the s’mores and I appreciate your sweet words! xo 😀
Kayle (The Cooking Actress) says
Ughhhh-I completely agree. Dating is the worst. I am SO sorry. I know it’s awful. I was so excited about that boy in the beginning of you story and then like…oh…oh no…ugh.
The worst.
Additionally, I think a lot of guys like to say your name a lot because they’re trying to psychologically manipulate you. Legit. They say that when you use someone’s name it makes them feel closer to you and think more highly of you. So this dude prob overdid his attempt lol.
Anyway. I’m sorry. I love you. Swear to God it’ll happen eventually but meanwhile…i am so sorry.
I am NOT sorry that you were driven to create this insanity, however. Cuz like…I am so happy I live in a world where this is a thing. S’mores poptarts and cookie dough made into a s’more…like…AHMAZING
thedomesticrebel says
Sometimes, my insanity causes me to do great things, like make these s’mores. Other times, it is terrible, like causes me to spend hundreds of dollars on Betsey dresses from eBay. Good, but awful for my wallet, haha. Glad this time my insanity paid off! 🙂
And I think you’re onto something with the name-thing.. Makes SENSE. HOLY SHIT I WAS ABOUT TO BE JEDI-MIND-EFFED.
Dorothy @ Crazy for Crust says
Guys are freaks. SO MANY OF THEM. I’m so sorry. 🙁 But these are flipping awesome. DYING RIGHT NOW.
Stephanie @ Back For Seconds says
Ugh, I’m so sorry!! So many weirdos out there. You deserve a whole truckload of these awesome S’mores! Actually, bring the truckload here and share with me 🙂
Laura Dembowski says
Ughhhh, dating is the worst. Well, I should say trying to date. I can’t even find a good guy to date. I just want to go on a freaking date – not get married. I’m so desperate I think I hit on a guy I met once on Twitter the other day. He’s taken, of course. I need lots of smores pop tarts stat!
thedomesticrebel says
Laura, do you want to be spinsters together? Do you want a ton of kittens or puppies? And we can just binge-watch reality TV and eat PopTart S’mores all day if you want… 🙂
Emily @ Life on Food says
Lovin this thick layer of cookie dough. Sadly I truly believe cookie dough is a cure for bad times. 🙂
Laura @ Laura's Culinary Adventures says
What a creaper! These smores are super decadent!
Lisa {Sweet 2 Eat Baking} says
What the flying f**k? Really? Not official yet? What does that supposed to mean? a.k.a. I’m dating this girl, but I fancy a change without her knowing? Yet he hates cheaters? Oh dear lord! *eyes are rolling out of my head here*
Let those s’mores comfort your minefield of utter idiots, because a. you deserve them after your horrendous dating experiences, and b. you rock my dessert world.
Sarah @ Miss CandiQuik says
Nothing like feeling like you’re back in HS, right!? Wow. At least you have these to stuff in your face and forget about all that drama. Have a good weekend!
Michelle says
It’s unny, as I read your dating stories & yearnings to find a boyfriend, I have to admit I miss being single & kind of envy you. I met my husband in a bar (I know!!) & we’ve been married 20 years. I wouldn’t have changed a thing — I got 2 wonderful kids in the process. But now, I feel ready to be single again. Living with the same man year after year after year is not always what it’s cracked up to be. Don’t be in a rush. Enjoy your solitude! Someday you may just want it back 🙂
Michelle says
ummm … FUNNY … not unny, LOL!!
Rachel says
I’m new to your blog – you’re clearly an eloquent and talented lady, I’m sure there are many men out there who’d treat you with the respect you deserve. Sadly, most of these guys don’t make it to online dating sites until they’re in their forties and have already had their first divorce. Men in their 20s tend not to go looking for commitment outright, which means if they’re online they’re looking for only one thing (sounds like this guy right there). Every decent relationship I’ve had, including my awesome marriage, have started as friendships. My advice would be to get away from the sites populated by mentals and form as a large a social circle as humanly possible. Over in the UK we don’t really “date” in the same way that Americans do – we meet someone and if we like them, we “go out” with them. Being exclusive is a bizarre concept to me – either you’re with someone and not with anyone else, or you’re not with them. Weird. Maybe visit England?! Seriously though, you seem pretty young to be putting so much pressure on yourself to find the right person. Get out and meet people, make friends, meet their friends. I’ll bet your ideal chap is already friends with someone you know 😉
thedomesticrebel says
Rachel – you are so right and thanks for offering such a keen insight to this dating dilemma! Seriously, maybe I should visit England and see if I could find someone out there. In America it’s so unnecessarily complicated and it doesn’t need to be. People are bizarre and dating men here is even weirder. I’m so glad you could find your other half so simply!