So, let’s be honest here. In the last year or so, I have gained around 20 pounds. No, that isn’t a typo. Twenty. Friggin. Ell-Bees. How and why are beyond my comprehension, but I’m guessing it’s because I’ve been far too friendly to french fries and ice cream sundaes.
And just so you know, french fries and ice cream sundaes are NEVER your friend. They act like your friend, all yeah we can hang out and be friends but then they’ll betray you. It’s a fact: they’re bad friends. And while we’re on this note, maybe don’t befriend any food, because you’re probably seriously lonely if you consider food your friend. However, I get it. People suck and sometimes it’s just easier to tell that bag of potato chips how much you hate the human race.
Needless to say, with extra baggage now in tow, some of my clothes have been a bit on the tighter (or sadly, completely unfitting) side. I have resorted to hanging up my precious unfitting clothing in the pantry and kitchen so I remind myself that my arms now have arms of their own and having four arms isn’t a good look when wearing my Betsey Johnson cupcake dress so it’s proooobably a good idea NOT to eat those chicken nuggets.
And it’s been getting significantly hotter here in Sacramento, so I have been unable to get away with wearing my jeans in public. Meaning, I have had to fight to hell and back to get my denim shorts on my muffin top’s muffin top’s muffin top’s cousin’s bitch of a friend. I Jaws-of-Lifed my way into the shorts and wore them to work one day.
Everything was going swimmingly, and I had fully intended on cutting off circulation to my muffin top with the too-tight waistband when my muffin top got all uppity and rebelled. I had been walking to my car when I heard tink tink. I looked down and saw a button. I picked it up and instantly recognized it from my double-buttoned closure on my shorts. I stuffed it in my pocket for later.
When I got home, I walked through the door and was in the process of greeting Mannie when I heard tink tink. I figured that pesky button had fallen out of my pocket, but when I reached for my pocket, I could feel the button tucked safe inside. I looked at the ground and saw the second button to the closure, grinning menacingly up at me from its place on the floor, like haha you fatty, I’m free! I’m FREE! Then I took a Klonopin because buttons talking to you is never a good sign.
So lately, I have been eating incredibly well, working out on the daily, and logging my calories into an online program so I can *hopefully* be on friendlier terms with my shorts again one day.
However, diets are pointless if I can’t have a splurge now and then, so I choose my splurges wisely and definitely had to choose these cannolis when I made them! Crispy shells stuffed with birthday cake filling? Um, perfection!
You could say they’re button-popping DELICIOUS!
- 12 premade cannoli shells
- 1 container (approx. 1 & ½ cups) part-skim ricotta cheese
- ½ cup dry Funfetti cake mix
- ½ cup powdered sugar
- ½ tsp EACH vanilla and butter extract
- About ⅓ cup miniature chocolate chips
- Rainbow sprinkles
- First, use some bakers twine or ribbon to tie small bows around each cannoli shell, careful not to crack the delicate shell. Set the shells aside. Do this only if you want the cannolis to look cute. If you're just going to stuff your face, obviously twine is just another obstacle for you to overcome before scarfing them down. Omit as needed.
- In a medium bowl, combine the ricotta, dry Funfetti cake mix and powdered sugar with a handheld electric mixer until creamy. Add in the extracts to combine.
- Gently spoon the ricotta filling into a piping bag attached with an open star tip (I used Wilton 4B). Pipe the ricotta mixture into the cannoli shells. Sprinkle the ends of the cannoli with the mini chocolate chips and sprinkles. Stack & serve immediately.
Y’all need to make these STAT! You’re gonna love them!!
Have a delicious day!