So you guys know how much I hate House Hunters, right?
If regular ol’ House Hunters wasn’t enough for me to pick up a binge drinking habit, House Hunters International makes me want to dive headfirst into a shallow pool. It’s my number one hate-watch show and it is always on.
First of all, they pick the most idiot couples to be on the show. If they aren’t stupid, they’re just weird. Like, has a gaggle of kids weird and wants them all to sleep in the same room weird, or husband has an unmentionable business weird. My creep-o-meter is always on overdrive on this show, and Charlie Sheen isn’t even on it!
ANYWAY. So these weirdo Americans travel to some foreign land to buy a house or an apartment on said foreign soil. Okay, fine. But what angers me is how nit-picky and unreasonable they all are. It’s one thing if the house is completely dilapidated and next door to a meth cooking school, but most of the time the places are perfectly fine and the people are just so ridiculously picky that I seriously want to start screaming involuntarily every time they complain about a paint color.
And the Americans on the show ALWAYS give other Americans a bad rep. They arrive at a beautiful little countryside villa in the middle of wine country, Italy, and are looking for an apartment on a cobblestone street in a vintage 16th century-era building and then complain when it isn’t 4000 square feet, doesn’t have a freaking Viking 8-burner range and enough space for their caravan of whiny kids. Newsflash: Europeans don’t need sprawling McMansions to taint their gorgeous neighborhoods. And if 16th century folk could deal without a professional-kitchen-grade oven range, I’m pretty sure the other Italian folk are managing just fine. Looks like you can’t make 18 batches of kale chips in that tiny European oven, DAMMIT.
Or, conversely, the couple is really weird and decide to fit all of their 8 children into one bedroom of the three-bedroom house because the creepy dad needs an office space. If I had to share a bed with 7 other farty children I’d probably just go rogue and live in a vineyard. Like, come on. My office was on our dining room table for 5 years. My family survived. It can be done, creepy dad. You don’t need your own office for your weird secret business.
And then there’s the couples who complain when they’re only shown a one-bedroom apartment in the heart of downtown Paris because “we won’t have room for all of our guests.” Who are you planning on schlepping to Paris, the freaking Brady Bunch? I’m pretty sure not every single one of your American pals will arrive in Paris at onetime to hang out with you. Also, is it just me, or does anyone else feel it’s a bit presumptuous for the supposed “friends” to assume they can just stay at their friend’s place? Personally, I’d always plan to book a hotel because I’m a courteous person and don’t want to assume that just because we were friends in that high school math class doesn’t mean I can sleep in their bed for a week. Or maybe I’m just a crappy friend.
ANYWAY. To all those European, Asian, South American, Caribbean, African, Australian, Central American, Eastern European and anyone else I forgot realtors out there, on behalf of the idiots on House Hunters International, I’m sorry. I promise we’re not all like that – demanding, with creepy husbands and more kids than The Waltons.
Some of us, like *cough* me *cough* would die for a chance to live in a Parisian apartment or a Tuscan village with a tiny stove and a cobblestone street.
As long as I have at least a microwave to make these No Bake Key Lime Pie Parfaits, I’m golden!
So let’s talk these parfaits, shall we? They are SO EASY to make and oh my gosh, are they good. Super tart and sweet, puckery goodness. It starts with a homemade lime curd, which is based off of my homemade lemon curd recipe. This is SO easy to make because it’s all done in the microwave (!!) and comes together so quickly!
My grocery store didn’t have key limes, so I opted to use this key lime juice concentrate which I found on the non-perishable juice aisle. If you can’t find authentic key limes or key lime juice, feel free to sub lime juice. No one will know the difference, except if you’re a Key Wester. Key Westian?
Zap your curd ingredients together and once it’s thick and glossy, strain it into a bowl or pitcher. Let it cool for a hot minute (well, like 60 minutes) and then portion them into glasses. I made 4 glasses with this, using about 1/2 cup in each glass, but you could obviously do this in shot glasses for more (great for a party!) or in a couple of larger parfait glasses to make two parfaits.
Layer it with sweetened graham cracker crumbs and fresh whipped cream and voila! It cannot be simpler than this, y’all.
- FOR CRUST:
- 1 - 1 & ¼ cups graham cracker crumbs (depending on how thick you'd like your crust)
- ⅓ cup sugar
- 1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, melted
- FOR CURD:
- 1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, melted & slightly cooled
- 1 cup sugar
- 3 eggs
- 1 cup key lime juice (or substitute regular lime juice if you cannot find key limes)
- Zest of 3 limes
- Whipped cream, for garnish
- First, prepare your curd. In a large microwaveable bowl, whisk together the melted butter, sugar and eggs. Add in the key lime juice and lime zest. Microwave on HIGH power for 1 minute. Stir, then continue microwaving on HIGH power for 1 minute intervals, stirring after each interval, up to 6-7 minutes. At the 6-7 minute mark, the curd should be thick and coat the back of a spoon.
- Strain the curd through a fine mesh sieve into a bowl or pitcher - I like using a bowl with a spout for easy pouring. Cool to room temperature for about 1 hour.
- While the curd cools, make your crusts. In a large bowl, toss together the graham cracker crumbs, sugar and melted butter until moistened. Portion the crumbs evenly among your glasses and use a Tablespoon measurement to gently compact it. Top with about ½ cup of the lime curd - this is for about 4 small parfaits. Adjust accordingly to your choice of glassware.
- Refrigerate until cool, about 2 hours. Just before serving, garnish with fresh whipped cream.
Bookmark this recipe for when it’s super hot – I guarantee it’ll cool ya down if you can’t make it to the beaches of Key West! 🙂
Have a super sweet day!