What I’ve Learned (So Far) From Online Dating:
There’s more to the profile than meets the eye. And this is both a good and bad thing. I’ve met guys with so-so profiles who were a ton of fun on the date. I’ve also met guys with informative, well-written profiles who were total duds. My only requisite for profile skimming? They must use appropriate grammar and spelling. Ain’t nobody got time for a run-on sentence About Me and those idiots who say ‘defiantly’ instead of ‘definitely.’
Beware of profile picture filters. For realsies. I went on a date with a dude who had a decent profile picture, despite the fact that it had a filter. But it was a sepia-toned filter which doesn’t really change the face… or so I thought. Lo and behold, I arrive to the date kind of excited to meet this dude… who turned out to look about as much like his profile picture as RuPaul looks like Duchess Kate. He had huge, bulgy eyeballs (one of which was on the lazier side), was about forty pounds heavier than I’d anticipated and a completely different head shape than what the picture produced. Sure, it may have been a (very) outdated shot, or a shot of someone that wasn’t even him. But after that, I am extremely wary of the filter users.
For being on an ONLINE DATING SITE, some guys don’t want to date. Which is kind of like going to a steakhouse for a salad. Or going to a hooker for a hug. You want… friendship? Dude, go hit up some bros at the bar or something. I’m happy to be your friend and your girlfriend, but if you’re just looking for friendship, maybe don’t try online dating. It kinda sorta gives the exact opposite impression.
Some people have the social skills of a gremlin. And you generally have to be extremely conscious of this because more than likely, you’ll be bombarded with messages proving this fact. My personal favorites are the generic copy & paste ones that usually say something like, “my day was bad until you brightened it; how’s it going, pretty?” or “your profile intrigued me. I would love to chat with you sometime. Look forward to hearing from you soon.” Or sometimes, you’ll be trying to have a conversation with them when it appears they’re only interested in one word-answers or talking about themselves with little to no interest in what you have to say, yet they continue to message you repeatedly.
Shirtless selfies are IN. Whether we like it or not, pictures of shirtless dudes are running rampant on OKC. Even guys who absolutely should wear shirts at all times are posing sans shirt. My personal favorite is when the faceless, shirtless selfie is their only picture, so it’s kind of like you’re chatting with a hairy torso.
And you learn that people are REALLY different. Like the dude who straight-up said he was into wearing diapers and dressing like a baby. Or the dude who, literally after saying hello, mentioned we’d have great-looking kids and I look like I’d be a great mom. Um. Help me.
The moral of the story? Online dating is weird. While it has its ups, it mostly has its downs… and that’s fine with me. After fail-date after fail-date, I stopped worrying about trying to find “the one” because it proooobably won’t be with the guy who cried during our date (truth). Now I approach every date with a huge grain of salt and a whatever-attitude. If I have fun, awesome! If not, I have a blog post. And so it goes.
And no, I wouldn’t even date diaper-dude for a blog post. Just thought I should clarify.
Anywho, moving on to delicious, actually-swoonworthy things… like these Strawberry Jelly Danish Squares. Man, these things are addictive to the max! If you love jelly danishes, you’ll fall in love with these creamy, sweet, fruity squares topped with a crunchy layer of cinnamon sugar.
And I promise, it’ll be love at first bite.
*recipe very slightly adapted from Averie
- 1 pkg refrigerated crescent rolls
- 1 pkg (8 oz) cream cheese, room temperature
- ½ cup white sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- ¾ cup seedless strawberry jam, room temperature
- ¾ cup fresh strawberries, chopped
- ¼ cup butter, melted
- CINNAMON SUGAR TOPPING:
- ¼ cup white sugar
- 2 Tbsp brown sugar
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease an 8x8" square pan with cooking spray and set aside. Unwrap the package of crescent rolls and unroll. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the cinnamon sugar topping ingredients together.
- Press four crescent rolls evenly into the bottom of the pan, sealing any perforations as best as you can; set the pan aside. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, beat together the cream cheese, sugar & vanilla until creamy. Spread the mixture on top of the crescent layer.
- Next, spread the jam evenly on top of the cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle evenly with the strawberries. Top that with the remaining four crescent in an even square, trying to seal the perforations as much as possible. TIP: it helps to pre-flatten the square on a cutting board or clean/greased work surface before placing it on top -- it helps with the perforations staying sealed and stretches the dough as large as it can go so they are no gaps in corners or on sides.
- Drizzle the melted butter on top of the top crescent layer, and generously sprinkle with the cinnamon sugar topping. Bake for approximately 35-40 minutes or until the center is golden brown and the sides are bubbly. Do not over-bake. Cool the pan completely to room temperature, then chill the pan overnight so the danishes can set. If you skip this step, they will be a huge, goopy mess. The chilling helps the jam and cheesecake mixture set up firmer so they can actually be cut into squares.
- Once chilled, cut into squares and serve! Store leftovers airtight in the fridge.
This is one of my new favorite brunch recipes since it’s so simple to make and can easily feed my family with some squares to spare. Since first making it, I’ve made it twice more and we can’t get enough! I love making mine at nighttime so I don’t have to resist the temptation — it goes outta the oven and into the fridge so it’s ready by morning. It’s also fun to experiment with different fruits and jam combinations. Consider using orange marmalade, blueberry jam, raspberry, or even apple butter. Lemon or lime curd would be delicious, too! The possibilities are endless, so get to baking!
Have a fantastical day!
xo, Hayley
Thanks for trying my recipe, Haley, and it brings back so many memories for me because I remember this recipe vividly and it’s a couple years old at this point. Weird how I can remember photo shoots and so many details about life at a point in time, just seeing an old recipe again, but I digress 🙂 Your bars look great and I wish you the best in that big, bad world called online dating…what a minefield!
Oh lordy, YES. I wish I could have had a stack of these crisp, gooey squares for breakfast!
These sound amazing and ohhhh so easy to make for Mother’s Day!
Should we be grateful that shirtless photos are only hip for men? You are braver and more patient that I could ever be just trying the online thing. Altho I’m married, so really not an option but if I wasn;t not sure I could go that route, too scary: exhibit A Diaper Dude!
Trying these little squares this weekend. Hope you have a great weekend! I always enjoy your posts!
Your stories about online dating have totally changed my mindset about it! Bravo to you to having a good mindset about it though. And these look awesome- I love the strawberries and cinnamon topping! And the shortcut too- canned crescent rolls are amazing and so versatile.
Oh honey pie. I feel bad for all the craziness of the online dating but mostly I just am so so entertained! lol Sorry loooove youuuu!
Mmm, those look great. And so much easier than a traditional danish!
LOL, I think you need a new dating site. There have to be … sane guys somewhere. 🙂
These look the ooey gooey of awesome ness. Seriously licking my lips at that inside part oozing out. I wonder what I can sub the crescent rolls for? They don’t do them here and according to Wikipedia, they’re puff pastry, right?
I online dated around 5 years ago and came to the conclusion that *most* men on online dating sites are weirdos. Gave up in the end then a few months later the giant man-baby added me on FB because he remembered my name (he went to same kindergarten, elementary and high school as my brother and I). The rest is history.
Oh man Hayley, that sounds… I think “crazy” is the only word I can find that fits. So many interesting guys out there in our area; makes me kind of glad I haven’t met most of them! I really hope you can find a winner soon; he’d probably make for some excellent — and long-lasting — blog posts too. 🙂 Until then? Your danish squares look like the perfect sweet treat to brighten up life!
Oh geez, so sorry you’re having no luck with the online dating site! But I’m sure these jelly Danish squares are more fun to be around than hairy torso gremlins!!! 😉 They sound insanely good! Pinned!
Your going to make me piss my pants with your OKC stories. I got sick of the ‘hey momma you’re so pretty’ messages that I actually worked a sentenced in towards the end of my profile telling guys to make the message subject ‘Steve Buscemi’ if they actually read my profile. Then I could just delete every other message without reading. Saved lots of precious time I could’ve used to make these bars! Drooling over here! (oh God, it’s a miracle I found Josh. according to this comment, I’m apparently leaking all kinds of fluids)
Online dating sounds HYSTERICAL!! I efffing hate when people spell definitely with an A like are you EFFFING RETARDED?!? These danish squares look like something I would find myself going back for more and more that a cream cheese jelly filling, dammmmm!!!
sounds like we would get along!!! love your site and all the funny stories, because it sounds like my life lol!