Don’t get me wrong: if someone’s a total jerkface, my inner beyatch will come out like a rabid hyena ready to strike. But if someone’s just slightly annoying or neutral, I feel like the biggest asshat in the world when I feel like I have to be ‘mean’…even though most people wouldn’t even call what I’m doing ‘mean.’
For instance, unfriending people on Facebook. Whyyyyy is it so hard to do? I look through my hundreds of Facebook friends with a twinge of resentment, almost like why did I ever friend you in the first place? I either, A) don’t personally know you and never cared to personally know you; B) don’t remember you because we maybe had math class in the seventh grade; or C) liked you at one point but that point has sailed far away on a ship that will never really return.
Yet when it comes to hitting that ‘Unfriend’ button? I am skeeeeered, people. What if they wake up the next morning, eager to share something with me after years of us not communicating and they find I’m no longer their social media friend? Wouldn’t that be like, cataclysmic to their universe? Would they start wracking their brains with possible things they could have said or done to cause me to go haywire and delete them from my online life? (Am I possibly overestimating my power on random people I barely know? Don’t answer that).
I mean, worst case scenario is they try and add me back and I can explain that someone hacked into my account and randomly deleted people I haven’t talked to in the last five years and isn’t that SO weird?! and we can laugh about how that imaginary hacker was so hellbent on destroying our meaningful internet relationship that will outlast time itself.
Orrrr I can just ignore their friend request and upon hitting the ‘Ignore’ button, whisper ‘I’m sorry’ to myself because my guilty conscience is astronomical in size.
Or there’s this guy I’m texting from OkCupid. He’s super nice and cute and outgoing and we usually text every other day or so about superficial things (“how was work?” etc.). I asked him once a week or so ago if he wanted to hang out and he said, “sure, if you want to.” Ummmmmm… isn’t that the point of joining an online dating site? To hang out? Or did you think we were going to have a forever platonic texting relationship? Because if we’re being honest here, I really don’t care to ask you every other day how work was, hear that you’re tired, and not talk to you for another 48 hours without having never seen your face in real life.
But when it comes to telling him either sh*t or get off the pot? Yeaaaaah, not so ballsy anymore. I feel like I’m ripping his heart out, pouring bleach on it and setting it on fire while I dance a satanic ritual dance. I am an awful human being. And I am awful at this whole ‘feelings’ business.
Sooooo instead of telling people how I really feel (or silently deleting them, whatever) I eat my weight in cake because it consoles me when times are tough (like all the time). A week ago I made you my Oreo Overload Cake which is exactly what the name implies: a rich chocolate cake filled with a decadent Oreo cream filling, then topped with fudge and chopped Oreo cookies. While my family loved it, I knew there was something missing, and that something was a Golden Oreo version. Truth be told, this household prefers the golden counterpart to the classic chocolate cookie, and I knew that making a vanilla version of this indulgent cake would be an amazing move on my part.
And helllllo, it totally was. I can see this cake and I being friends fo lyfffeee.
*recipe adapted from my Oreo Overload Cake recipe
- 1 box Golden Vanilla cake mix, plus ingredients on back of box
- 1 (8 oz) pkg cream cheese, at room temperature
- ½ cup sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 1 (8 oz) tub Cool Whip, thawed
- About 20 Golden Oreo cookies, divided
- 1 can vanilla frosting
- Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease two 9″ cake pans with cooking spray and set aside.
- Prepare the cake batter according to package directions. Pour the cake batter evenly among both baking pans and bake for approx. 15-20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out mostly clean. Allow the cakes to cool in the pan for about 20 minutes before gently inverting them onto wire racks to cool completely.
- In a large bowl, beat together the cream cheese, sugar and vanilla until smooth and creamy. Gently fold in the Cool Whip to combine. Lastly, gently fold in TEN finely chopped Golden Oreo cookies — you want smaller chunks for this.
- On a cake plate or serving platter, place one cake flat-side facing up. Spread the Golden Oreo filling mixture generously on top of the cake, extending the filling toward the edges of the cake. There will be a lot of filling, but that’s what you want!
- Take the remaining cake half and place it, flat-side down, on top of the filling to make the “sandwich.” Allow the cake to sit for about 15 minutes.
- Meanwhile, chop up the remaining 10 Golden Oreo cookies into coarse chunks; set aside. Microwave the unwrapped (remove the lid AND foil!) can of frosting for about 20 seconds or until thick but pourable.
- Pour the frosting over the top and center of the cake. Then, using a rubber spatula, gently edge the frosting toward the edges of the cake so it drips down all pretty-like. Immediately top with the crushed cookies and serve!!
This cake was INHALED within moments of my blessing that it was okay to eat (my family knows better than to grab desserts willy-nilly!) As I said, my family prefers Golden Oreos to regular Oreos and I knew this cake would be an instant hit. There’s something so light and perfect about the golden vanilla cake mixed with that fluffy cloud of cream cheesy, whipped vanilla goodness. And I love the added texture from the chopped cookies on top and the finely ground crumbs in the luscious whipped center. If you loved the Oreo Overload Cake, you’ll quickly fall hard for this one, too!
Have a fantastical day!!