Halloween goes hand-in-hand with creepy things like blood-sucking vampires. But honestly, compared to my worst kiss, being eaten alive by a vampire sounds preferable. Allow me to tell you all the gruesome details…
I was fresh outta high school and hell-bent on the ‘adult’ dating world, which (spoiler alert!) years later, I have yet to enter STILL. I went to a coworker’s little Halloween party dressed up real cute and thought I was super awesome for drinking Mikes Hard Lemonades like they were going out of style.
Then I met her downstairs neighbor/friend. He was cute, with brown hair and brown eyes and a nice smile. He saddled up to me and we began chatting when I wasn’t losing desperately at beer pong. His name–for purposes of protecting his identity, of course–will be renamed to Burrito.
Burrito and I hit it off, or it was probably the fact that I had about 2376845 cups of sugar and alcohol in my bloodstream. Either way, eventually we ended up outside as a group and were chatting. Burrito liked to play fast so he leaned in and gave me a kiss. Everything would have been fine if his mouth didn’t taste like a burrito filled with poop.
I’m not joking. A bean burrito filled with straight-up poop.
I kind of pulled away and gently suggested I should probably pop some gum so I didn’t have ‘lemonade breath.’ He just stood there. I put some gum in and gnashed away at it, hoping the mint would forever wash away the tainted taste of poop. “Would you like some?” I offered. He shook his head.
“Are you sure? This flavor is so good,” I cooed, hoping he’d take the bait. Instead, he blissfully shook his head.
As he leaned in for another kiss, I could already feel the hurricane of poop breath coming my way. And as he planted one on me, I felt my skin crawl with the smear of poop lips on my face.
Aaaand that is the story of how I almost died by a lethal kiss.
Anywho, with Halloween coming up and vampires and their deadly kisses being a very prominent aspect of this spooky holiday, I figured some Death by Chocolate cupcakes would fit the bill nicely. These cupcakes are not for the faint of heart — they are pure, straaaaight up, in your face chocolate cupcakes smothered in dark chocolate frosting and topped with even.more.chocolate.
It’s a kiss of death I would gladly succumb to!
- 1 box dark chocolate cake mix, plus ingredients on back of box
- 2 small boxes instant chocolate pudding mix
- 1 cup fat free milk
- FOR FROSTING:
- 2 sticks butter, room temperature
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- ¼ cup dark chocolate cocoa powder
- 1 Tbsp heavy cream
- About 4 cups powdered sugar
- Chocolate sprinkles
- Hershey's Kisses, unwrapped
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 muffin tins with about 18 paper liners. Set aside.
- In a large bowl, prepare the batter according to package directions. Stir in ONE of the boxes of pudding mix to combine. Portion the batter evenly among the muffin tins, filling about ¾" full. Bake cupcakes for approx. 15-18 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool the cupcakes completely.
- Once cupcakes have cooled, core the centers out with a paring knife. Discard or snack on the cupcake guts! Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, combine the remaining box of pudding with the cup of milk and whisk to combine. Once it starts to set, begin filling the cupcakes with the pudding as full as you can without them overflowing. Pop the cupcakes in the fridge.
- In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together the butter, vanilla extract and cocoa with the paddle attachment until creamy and combined, about 2 minutes. Gradually add the powdered sugar, about one cup at a time, until the frosting is light and fluffy. Add the cream only if the mixture becomes too thick.
- Place the frosting into a piping bag attached with your desired tip and pipe frosting high onto the filled cupcakes, making sure you cover the filled spot. Sprinkle with chocolate jimmies and top with a Hershey's Kiss. Store leftovers in the fridge.
While there haven’t been any fatalities caused by these cupcakes in particular, the chocolate is SO intensely rich that they have been known to take out some die-hard chocoholics that I know. Even they couldn’t finish the entire thing before throwing in the towel. If you want to cut the richness down a notch, omit the pudding or use a vanilla pudding instead (tint it red to make it bloody or green to make it oogy!). Otherwise, take a bite and enjoy the sweet, cocoa-y taste of death 🙂
Have a fantastical day!!
xo, Hayley
I’m renaming these to the kiss of death for my diet! Oh my all that chocolate! It’s to die for!
Ha! A poopy burrito. That is DEFINITELY the kiss of death! I can’t think of many things worse than that! 😉
Luckily, these cupcakes have absolutely nothing in common with burritos…or poop 🙂
Can we just be best friends already!?!? LOVE these!
AMAZING in every way! The best combo of chocolate. 🙂
ewwwwwwwwwwww…..about the boy, not the cupcakes.
To the cupcakes I saw:OHMYGAWD YUM!! DEATH BY DELICIOUS CHOCOLATEY GOODNESS…I’d die happy!!!
OMG these look amazing!! I want to try them!
Hint, hint…hint, hint, hint…lol.
Anyways, these cupcakes look awesome, I hate reading blog posts that ALL they do is make me hungry. Thanks a lot. 😉
Your stories always brighten my day when I am in non-stop meetings. These cupcakes. Those would be welcome today – pretty much any day. Chocolate chocolate and more chocolate.
These cupcakes – Ah-mazing!
That kiss from Burrito – Gross!
This story is the exact reason why I have not re-entered the dating scene! So many men are bad kissers. I’ll gladly stuff my face with these chocolate cupcakes instead.
I am dying over here because I don’t have these cupcakes in front of me! Love love love all that chocolate goodness going on in these!!!
Oh, girl…I have a first kiss of death tale of my own. I should spare you, but I won’t. Let’s just say the guy smoked (I didn’t know it…never saw him smoke). After a football game, he planted one on me (it was deep, ick) and the grossness is STILL implanted into my DNA. I thought I was going to barf!! Now, about these killer cupcakes…yes, please! Chocolate Death is always worth the sacrifice. Love all your Halloween recipes, girl! Have a fabulous weekend. Pinning (of course)!
Kiss of death cupcakes, I’m willing to take a chance with these beauties!
Is it creepy that death by chocolate sounds like a good way to die? Seriously, these look insanely delicious!
These cupcakes are SERIOUS. Love that frosting!!! And the gooey center!
Rule #1 of grown up dating life — no one knows what that means, especially dudes named after poop burrito breath.
Love how much chocolate you managed to pack into these cupcakes! That gooey center looks incredible!
I dunno, these look pretty heavenly to me!
you are so funny! I love the look of these!
Great story, you will remember that kiss for ever ;-)I’ve featured these super chocolaty cupcakes on my blog, hoping that you don’t mind, but if you do, please contact me and I’ll remove it. All the best.
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The FAT FREE milk is cracking. me. up!!!
Hey, you gotta cut calories somewhere 😉