Remember when you were a kid and you could eat anything your little heart desired and you didn’t gain an ounce? The summertime meant eating nothing but hot dogs, Happy Meals and milkshakes. And candy, when you could bribe your grandma to pretty please let you walk up with a friend to the grocery store to buy something sweet.
However, those were also the days that you had boundless energy, had no idea what ‘caffeine’ was, much less spell it, and basically had to fight yourself to fall asleep when all you wanted to do was play freeze tag outside with the neighborhood kids (who would later to grow up to be serious weirdos or criminals, but that’s another story for another time).
Some days, I’m really sad I’m not a kid. It is honestly a farfetched dream of mine to eat whatever the hell I want and not gain a pound. If that could happen, I would probably eat chicken tenders on the daily. And milkshakes because dude, nothing’s more perfect. I also wish I could still play with dolls, like Barbies or those new zombie Barbies or those Lalaloopsy dolls because OH MY GOD THEY’RE SO CUTE AND I WANT THEM ALLLLL.
But other times, I’m really grateful I’m no longer a kid. I mean, I really enjoy cocktails. And rapping along to the occasional vulgar beat. And wearing high heels, which yes, technically kids can do, but it looks strange and kind of makes me nauseous.
So to combine my love for childhood into something edible, I created this monster cake. It’s looooaded with candy, which pretty much makes it a kid’s dream come true. Even if you’re an adult now, when you eat cake reminiscent of childhood, it has no calories because science can’t work backwards into memories so therefore, calories cannot time-travel back to yourself as a kid and can’t add on the weight from the cake. It’s all in a book I read somewhere, called Negative Calorie Time Travel Theorum or something.
So let them all eat cake!!
- 1 box chocolate cake mix, plus ingredients on back of box
- 1 cup hot fudge sauce
- 1 tub (8 oz) Cool Whip Free, thawed
- 2 cups chopped assorted candy (I used mini M&M’s, Reese’s cups, Kit Kats &Butterfingers)
- 1/2 cup caramel sauce
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 13×9 inch pan with cooking spray; set aside.
- Prepare the cake according to package directions. Pour into the greased pan and bake according to instructions on back of package, or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool the cake completely.
- Once cake has cooled, poke a bunch of holes through the cake (about 20-30). Carefully pour the hot fudge sauce over the holes, trying as best as you can to fill them up with the sauce.
- Spread the Cool Whip on top of the cake in a thick, even layer; top evenly with the chopped, assorted candies. Drizzle the top with the caramel sauce.
- Refrigerate the cake for approx. 4 hours or overnight (overnight is best) before cutting into squares to serve. This cake is SO good!
This cake is super moist and fudgy — perfect to cure those chocoholic cravings that knowingly strike at any time. Plus, use whatever candy you have stashed in your pantry, or whatever candy is your family’s favorite! I like the mixture of chocolate and peanut butter, but chocolate and mint would be REALLY yummy, or chocolate and caramel! Or try fruit flavors. It’s up to you!! Plus, while yes, you DO have to bake this cake, it’s only a minimal heating time — and then you can enjoy this cake cold from the fridge which is SO refreshing!!
Have a delicious day!!
xo, Hayley
Kelly @ HIdden Fruits and Veggies says
Why do you do this to me? This sounds ahhhhhhmazing. Just ate a cookie for breakfast, and now I’m craving candy 🙂 I wish I was a kid just so I could drink milkshakes without getting heartburn. I’m pretty certain my 24-year-old body is secretly 90.
Kayle (The Cooking Actress) says
I feel the same way! Like ahhh….childhoood…but then also…ew childhood. I totes miss Barbies though, and I keep thinking about that Barbie shirt you bought that I totally shouldve gotten too.
anywayyyy omg this cake! LOVE, not like, LOOOOOVE
Tieghan says
Whoa! This is crazy and awesome all at the same time! I love it!
Jennifer @ Not Your Momma's Cookie says
Ahhh! This is like candy overload! In a good way 🙂 Love this!
Heather @ Snookie's Cakes says
Ah, the good old days. But Lalaloopsy dolls are scary.
I don’t know if I want to hug you for this recipe or punch you. I can already imagine the 5lbs I’ll gain.
Sheila @ Sweet Bake Life says
So sweet and delicious! Can’t wait to try!
Wendi says
I’m pretty sure I just gained a couple pounds just reading this post … also, OMG totally making this!!
Jessica@AKitchenAddiction says
This has to be the best poke cake I have ever seen! Love how loaded with candy it is!
Faith @ Pixie Dust Kitchen says
Ohmygosh I’m getting a toothache just reading the recipe! But this looks amazing and I love your no-calorie logic. It’s totes legit.
sally @ sallys baking addiction says
Talk about a sugar high. An amazing sugar high, though. 😉 Yes, I remember eating anything I could when I was little. Now? Not so much – unless I want to be married to the treadmill!!
Hayley, have so much fun this weekend! Will miss you gals.
Nicole @ Young, Broke and Hungry says
I do miss my childhood metabolism, but not the angst that went along with it. This cake looks like a delirious sugar high waiting to happen!
Have tons of fun in Austin!
Angela says
This cake sounds amazing! I am a new follower and just love your blogs and recipes . You make me laugh and put a smile on my face daily, so thanks! I’m getting great ideas from you for my daughters upcoming birthday party!
thedomesticrebel says
Angela, thank you for your sweet comment, girl! Totally made my day 🙂 let me know what you end up making for your daughter!!
Pamela @ Brooklyn Farm Girl says
Look at all that pretty yum. Also, I’m a total sucker for Cool Whip – I can’t help it.
Tonette Joyce says
Take a breath, Hayley! I think you have a Candy Mountain here! One granddaughter is Lalaloopsy loopy, too.
Negative Time travel and not gain weight? I want that!
Renee @ Awesome on $20 says
This cake is ridiculous and it makes me love you. I have a terrible habit of eating like a twelve year old most of the time. I think if we just did a little more frolicking, we could eat a lot more candy.
Lisa @ Wine & Glue says
Hayley. This looks insane!! Come over, make this for me, and then we will run through the sprinkler, do the slip and slide, eat some popsicles, and when it gets dark play ghosts in the graveyard!
Tanya Schroeder says
What I miss about being a kid was eating birthday cake for breakfast and not worrying about it finding it’s way to my butt! Those were the days! This is one decadent poke cake! Love it!