The Domestic Rebel

Everyday Ingredients, Extraordinary Desserts

No-Bake Cake Batter Squares

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no bake cake batter squares stacked on a pink background

 

So I started working out again.

Let me rephrase: I am starting to work out again.  More like TRYING.  Or thinking about working out, but just eating a bag of pretzel M&M’s instead.

Chewing burns calories, right?  And for as much as I THINK about exercising, it should burn SOME calories.

Anyways, this recent spurt in exercising came about when I decided to put on my adorable cupcake-ish Betsey Johnson dress to wear one Sunday afternoon.  It was one of those perf. days: not too hot, not too breezy, nice and sunny, and I wanted to dress up all purty-like.  My cupcake dress was like, theeeeee perfect adornment to such a gorgeous day.

So I slipped it on and was shimmying up the back zipper when.. it stopped.  And I tried to play it off like, “oh, it’s totally normal for a zipper-backed dress to stop zipping like, an inch above your butt; no big”.  I began leaving my bedroom when the entire top of the dress fell off because guess what, smarty?  Homegirl gained some back fat and now my dress was unwearable.

Basically, I felt my life flash before my eyes.  All those moments when I’d frolic around in my pink poufy dress, blissfully unaware that eventually I’d gain some weight which would prevent me from slipping into my gorgeous Cinderella-but-cuter dress.  I longed to travel back in time when I was svelte and had a model body like Kate Upton.*
*Okay, this never happened and I have never had a body like Kate Upton.  I have, however, had many dreams in which I LOOKED like Kate Upton, but eventually I woke up and realized I didn’t have abs, or cute swimsuits, so I kind of just gave up on that part of my life.

So now I’m taking my junk in my trunk and the trailer carrying the rest of it to the gym.  I’m running two miles at a time, which should basically net me a world record because who actually does that?  And I’ve been doing these moves in which you get in a push-up position (it’s already bad and I have barely told you), and you lift one arm in the air and tilt your body.  Oh, and in that lifted arm, you’re holding a dumbbell, which  I’m convinced was a medieval measure of torture.  Oh, and the last time I did that, there were no 5-pound dumbbells, so I figured the 4kg kettleball would be an equivalent, and I was having THE HARDEST TIME EVERRRR lifting those damn balls in the air until a friendly gentleman suggested I not lift 10 pounds over my head with one arm.  He could clearly tell I was not Kate Upton.  I don’t like my gym very much.

no bake cake batter squares stacked with a bite removedAnywho, when I’m not lifting 10 pounds over my head effortlessly or strutting my stuff in a bikini, I’m making cake-battery treats that makes the Kate’s in all of us happy.  These treats taste just like cake batter, but they’re made out of cookies, AND they’re no-bake, which basically means they’re made of magic.

Time to fill your trunk with this juuuuunk, homegirl.

no bake cake batter squares stacked in a white plate

 

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No-Bake Cake Batter Squares
Author: 
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 16
 
Want cake and frosting without the baking and decorating? Look no further than these scrumptious no-bake squares!
Ingredients
  • 1 pkg Birthday Cake Golden Oreos
  • 1 pkg white chocolate chips
  • 1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
  • Rainbow sprinkles
Instructions
  1. Line an 8x8 inch pan with foil, extending the sides over the edges of the pan. Lightly mist the foil with cooking spray and set aside. Meanwhile, in a food processor, grind the cookies in batches (about 10-15 cookies per batch, depending on the size of your machine) until ground into fine crumbs. Little chunks are okay, but you want it to be more crumb consistency than chunk. Set the crumbs aside in a bowl.
  2. In a large bowl, melt the white chocolate chips in the microwave until smooth. Pour in the can of milk and stir to combine. Dump the crumbs and some rainbow sprinkles (I used about ¼ cup) into the milk mixture and, using a rubber spatula, fold the mixture together until completely blended.
  3. Press the mixture evenly into the prepared pan in a single layer. Sprinkle the top immediately with additional rainbow sprinkles, if desired. Allow the bars to set, at room temperature, for about an hour before cutting into squares to serve. Makes about 16 small squares.
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no bake cake batter squares stacked on a pink background with sprinkles in the backgroundWhen summertime hits, there is NO WAY I’m going to be turning my oven on, so this is the perfect way to get my cake-and-cookie fix without having to suffer for it.  These bars are chewy and sweet, taste exactly like cake batter, but have a subtle cookie crunch to them.  And of course, anything studded in rainbow sprinkles is to-die for!  You’ll love these!!

Have a fantastical Monday!!

xo, Hayley

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Comments

  1. Hahaha.. It’s good to see while I was slaving away trying to fix my site that you haven’t lost your sense of humor.

    I’m sorry I cannot relate to dreaming I’m Kate Upton, or about going to the gym. Because let’s be honest, I’ll be dreaming about being Kate Upton before I ever even begin to think about going to a gym for anything other than having to use the bathroom.

    But I can relate to these squares. If I had some in my house right now they would not survive the night. And they’re so easy too! What the heck is up with that?! They look awesome!

    Reply

  3. Looks delicious! i broke a zipper on my playsuit the other day trying to squeeze my butt into it.. i almost considered baking something healthy.. then i made muffins.

    Reply

  6. Other than the billiards and swingdance classes I took in college, it’s safe to say I’ve never set foot in a real gym, so I admire your bravery! All this talk of exercising is traumatizing… so I’m glad you threw in some tasty, totally not healthy bars to balance it out 🙂 These sounds amazing! (and maybe worth almost trying to run off my muffin top)

    Reply

  11. HAHA! Love this idea. I love that you made me smile on a Monday morning too! Thanks. The fat girl is currently doing the Homer Simpson drool thing. (Not pretty. Trust me.)

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  15. ugh…don’t even get me started on all the junk I have in my trunk {good thing I ordered a larger size in the doggie dress:) these treats sound amazing, and no-bake it the bomb seeing as how summer has already arrived here in Sac. If you find a miracle workout program – let me know:)

    Reply

  16. Ha! You’re adorable and I totally hear you with exercising. Love/hate relationship over here!

    These look decadent and amazing! Yum!

    Reply

  23. You go girl! Going to the gym is a feat onto itself. I always want to go until i get distracted by something stupid. The more miles I ran though, the more I can indulge in a treats like these cake batter squares! They look amazing.

    Reply

  26. Look at you, girl! You gotta start somewhere. Just let that Betsey Johnson dress be your motivation and you’ll be hotter than Kate Upton in noooo time. 🙂 And these no bake bars are screaming my name. No bake is essential now that the weather has decided to jump up to 90 degrees with 100% humidity. Yayyy summer weather! Actually, I’m not complaining because I have this wonderful no-bake recipe to make and don’t have to worry about using the stupid oven until fall!

    Reply

  27. Love this story Hayley! I was laughing out loud through it and my husband was wondering what the heck I was doing! I can always justify things I do around the house as calories burned so that I can eat more desserts! Love these no-bake goodies! 🙂

    Reply

  29. I honestly can’t believe this recipe, let’s be best friends. Birthday cake oreo cookies are the most dangerous cookie there is for me, so why not – let’s do this!

    Also, I love your story. I got a Nike Fuel Band last year and it’s helped incredibly to keep me motivated. Or I should say, makes me feel like I’ve done nothing when I look at it and see low points so it motivates me to get up and move!

    Reply

  30. Look how far behind I am! Geez. How did I miss cake batter squares, Kate Upton, and 10 lb. kettle balls?
    I’ve been going to the gym, too. I figure my hour-long cardio will maybe earn me extra brownies. Or cake batter squares.

    Reply

  32. These look so delicious, I think I may have to try them this week. I was just wondering, what size package of white chocolate chips did you use?

    Reply

  34. I love the post. Totally relateable and funny. I am doing 5K training right now after a 6 month break from running. I try to pretend its not kicking my butt, but it kind of is.

    On a different note, this recipe looks totally delicious, and pretty too. Dare I say, I’ve never had Birthday Golden Oreos, or Golden Oreos for that matter. 🙂

    Reply

  36. I am dying to make these! I was thinking of making them with my cooking class, but we are a little pressed for time and the class isn’t long enough to let them come to room temp before eating them. Could I put them in the fridge or freezer for a bit and eat them sooner? Or do they really just need to be at room temp to work?

    Reply

    • Hi Lauren! Nope, these do not have to be at room temperature the entire time. You could totally pop them in the fridge or freezer to expedite the setting time 🙂 just don’t eat an entirely frozen cake batter square; that won’t make your dentist very happy, haha.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. […] menu includes: smoked pulled pork and hamburgers (served on brioche buns from Allegro of course), Hayley’s No-Bake Cake Batter Squares, and a frozen pie experiment inspired by Sally’s Frozen Peanut Butter Pie, but with […]

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  2. […] This is the perfect anytime treat that is quick and delicious to make especially during those hot summer months when you dread turning the oven on.  Find out how to make these No Bake Cake Batter squares by visiting The Domestic Rebel. […]

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