As a teenager with Day-Glo colored neon hair, I was constantly being touched by random strangers. Picking out apples in the grocery store, I suddenly felt hands on my hair and turned to see a woman inspecting my hair to see if it was real or a wig. Um, excuse me? Or just the random people who seemingly couldn’t believe that real hair could exist in colors like that, so they’d just reach out and pet me like some kind of rare zoo animal.
And while I’ve never been pregnant, I have heard horror stories of mothers-to-be mentioning random people rubbing their bellies in public places as if the mother was some kind of magical Buddha. This ain’t no Chinese restaurant, and your fortune says to kindly eff off. Don’t touch my belly!
…I certainly don’t want anyone touching my muffin top and mistaking it for a child. I don’t know what would be more mortifying.
But yesterday I was in ULTA waiting in a mile-long line when I felt something on my head. I must preface this by saying that I loathe long hair on me. Like, super-duper hate it. One, because I am really low-maintenance with my hair. Like, I don’t even own a hair dryer and I wash it about twice a week. And two, because of my major-lax attitude about my hair, I don’t brush it. Say what you will, cringe if you please, but I loathe brushing it. And YES, I do have an appointment to get it cut, thankyouverymuch. I’m kinda-sorta counting down the minutes if we’re being honest, and I’ve come thisclose to shaving it off myself.
SO. That being said, I was minding my own damn jolly business when I felt something on my head. I quickly reached up to touch the back of my hair and was greeted with a hand. A HAND ON MY HEAD. I spun around and the woman behind me looked at me sheepishly and said, “you know you have a knot in your hair, so I was trying to get it out for you.”
So here I was, standing in line with arms full of beauty products, listening to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You for the 876th time, while a strange woman picked out the rat’s nest in the back of my head. It was both humiliating and irksome at the same time, which is a delightful combination of emotions if you weren’t sure. I had to politely tell the lady to PLEASE stop picking apart my dreadlocks because A) we are not apes picking bugs out of one another’s fur, and B) because really? There’s polite, and then there’s psychotic… and she surely wasn’t being the former.
And it was with that that I came home with my dreadlock and held it close. We may have our differences, but I’ll be damned if someone assault’s my dreadlocks in an ULTA line.
Anywho. Let’s talk food, specifically these outrageous seven layer bars. You guys know me and my seven layer/magic bars. I love them. There’s something so irresistible about seven layers of glorious goodness within each bite, and I love coming up with brand new flavor combinations… including this one! I’m a big chocolate + cherry fan, and these bars are for all those chocoholic cherry lovers out there. Packed with multiple layers of bright, sweet cherries and rich, creamy chocolate, they’re the epitome of decadence in one gooey, bite-sized bar!
This is one instance where it’s totally okay to get touchy-feely. Pick away!!
- 1 box chocolate cake mix
- 1 egg
- ½ cup oil
- 1 pkg Nestle Tollhouse Cherry Delight-Fulls Morsels
- 1 cup cherry morsels (by LogHouse Foods)
- 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1 pkg Andes Chocolate Cherry candies, chopped
- 1 & ½ cups Hershey's Cherry Cordial Kisses, chopped
- 1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
- Maraschino cherries, for garnish (optional)
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 13x9" baking pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. Mist the foil with cooking spray and set aside.
- In a large bowl, combine the cake mix, egg, and oil until a soft dough has formed. Press the dough evenly into the prepared baking pan and bake for approx. 12 minutes. Remove from the oven but keep the oven on. Evenly top with the assorted chips and chopped candies; drizzle evenly with the sweetened condensed milk.
- Return to the oven and continue baking for an additional 18-20 minutes or until the bars are bubbly and the center appears to be just about set. It may wiggle slightly; that's okay -- it will continue to set up as it cools.
- Allow the bars to cool completely before cutting into squares. I recommend cooling them overnight for extra time to set up. You can also pop in the fridge to speed up cooling time, but allow to come to room temperature to cut. Store leftovers airtight at room temperature, and garnish slices with chocolate sauce and cherries if you'd like.
Duuuuuuuuuuude. These are rockin’!
FYI – cherry morsels, cherry cordial Hershey’s Kisses and Andes Cherry Cordial Candies can typically be found during the Christmas season and sometimes Valentine’s Day. If you like these candies, stock up now since they tend to be seasonal. Nestle TollHouse Delight-Fulls are available yearround in the baking aisle next to the other chocolate chips.
Have a sweet day!!