Since you’re a human (or am I wrong for assuming you’re a human?), you have probably had those days where everything is going wrong and you’re a total klutz and a potential hazard to the community or yourself.
And I am here today to convince anyone bosses, HR folk, or right-minded people that those days need to be a legit excuse for sending an employee home.
Because on days where you leave the house with your sweater inside out, you run around the Kwik E Mart screaming “WHERE ARE MY KEYS?!” when they’re in your hand, and when you fall up the stairs at work in front of a cute guy and fall off of the toilet in the bathroom stall, your productivity level is probably in the negatives. And you’re probably better off going home, taking a Xanax, and sequestering yourself in a dark room until you’re no longer a walking posterchild of humiliation.
Also, the above-mentioned things actually happened to me this week. Iiiinnn one day.
Like, who falls up the stairs? A klutz, that’s who. And who falls up the stairs while making eyes with a cute guy? A dork named Hayley… who would later fall off of a toilet. Don’t even ask. I don’t even want to know what that says about me as a person.
And then I sat there at work like, am I really okay to be here? as I struggled to remember my name, much less process paperwork. And it was then that I wished so badly that I could walk up to my supervisor, kindly sit her down and say:
“Look. I know I’m not vomiting out of every orifice, I don’t have a sick kid at home and I only wish I had a doctor’s appointment, but today is just not in my favor. The universe tried telling me that when I put on my sweater incorrectly and gently reminded me after making an ass out of myself in the Stop N Rob. And then it was like ‘dude, you’re really pushing your luck here; how dense do you have to be?’ when I drove up to work and showed me what an idiot I really am when I faceplanted on a staircase in front of a hottie. And then I almost had to claim workers comp when I literally slid my ass off of a toilet in the employee bathroom. So I’m pretty much telling you right now that I need to go home, clear my thoughts, not sit on any more toilets, and take a personal day. Maybe put on a straitjacket. I promise I’ll be back tomorrow all happy and shiny and new, so long as I don’t have any more bathroom injuries.”
And then she’d be like “dude, yeah, okay. We totally don’t want to fill out any injury reports so please go home and come back when you remember your name.”
In the meantime while we’re waiting for times to change, I’ll just bury my face in unrelentingly sweet Cupcake Pie.
- About 16 miniature frosted cupcakes, wrappers removed
- 1 stick butter, melted
- 3 eggs
- ¼ cup white sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 1 Tbsp vinegar
- 1 refrigerated pie crust
- Chocolate icing, for drizzling (optional)
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 9" pie plate with cooking spray. Gently unroll the pie crust to fit into the pan. Crimp the edges; set aside.
- Cut each miniature cupcake in half and place the cupcake halves into the pie cavity, filling it up pretty much to the top.
- Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, whisk together the melted butter, eggs, sugar, vanilla and vinegar until blended; pour the mixture evenly over the cupcakes.
- Bake for approx. 30-35 minutes or until the center is just about set and the tops have lightly browned. Cool completely.
- If you'd like, drizzle the top with chocolate icing and sprinkle with more jimmies. Store airtight at room temperature. Feel free to sub any flavor of cupcakes!
This pie is literally made of cupcakes! I don’t quite know where this idea came from except that it was a good one and because who doesn’t love a cupcake!? The butter/egg mixture is called chess filling and it helps bind those little cakey bits together, lending a sweet, rich flavor and body to the pie. The cake itself absorbs all that sugary, buttery goodness and imparts a cake batter flavor that’s simply irresistible and nostalgic. And the best part of this pie happens to be the icing which melts and caramelizes into little crunchy pockets that are seriously mind-blowing. Since we’re big vanilla fans in our house, I used vanilla storebought cupcakes for this, but many stores like Walmart and Target sell mini cupcakes in a variety of flavors like red velvet, s’mores, snickerdoodle, cookies n cream, and more. Feel free to experiment based on your mood or flavor preferences! Or try using a premade graham or chocolate cookie crust to change up the base. The possibilities are endless but always delicious!
Have a delicious day! Keep your bathroom injuries to a minimum, k?