Twinkie Cupcakes

I don’t know if any of you are Walking Dead fans, but the show is pretty much the glue that bonds me, my brother and Jessie together. When it comes to zombies and those crazy-annoying characters, we love it…

to DEATH.

Whatever.

Well, they do. I want so badly to love it to death but honestly, the horrible main characters are what holds me back. The blood-thirsty, flesh-hungry zombies are fine & good… impeccable acting and wonderful character development, may I add. But the main dudes and dudettes? Gag me.

I mean, Laurie is possibly THE STUPIDEST woman ever. First of all, she basically tells everyone what to do and then walks around doing nothing. “We should make Hershel dinner… how about you two do it?” “We should bury their bodies… you guys can dig the holes.” “Rick and Glen, go into town to get Hershel. Damn, I can’t trust they’ll go into town to get Hershel so I’ll go myself and crash the car because I’m a dumb trollop.”

Basically.

Then there’s Rick. He’s all goody-two-shoes and if his conscious could be half the size it is, he’d probably be a more likable character. Right now, I’m only getting by on Rick because he’s semi-attractive and I’ve grown to have a weird love affair with his Southern accent. So what.

OMG, don’t even get me started on Shane. I. HATE. SHANE. He’s by far the most intolerable mother-you-know EVER and I wish I could hit him over the head with a shovel and turn him into walker food. He’s that bad. Worst part? I cringe every time I watch because unfortunately, Shane is a dead ringer for one of my ex-boyfriends. Blah.

The only semi-tolerable character I can find among all this lunacy? Darryl, the hick with the homemade shivs and Carl, who looks like a younger version of my boyfriend so every time he comes on screen I squeal, “look, it’s Lil Jessie!” It’s really cute & stuff.

I have to say, with all this zombie craze going on I’ve been thinking about how I’d survive the zombie apocalypse and stuff. It’s just so mind-boggling thinking about how I’d get ahold of food and things when zombies are strolling around everywhere and more importantly, what I’d do when that food expires.

Seriously… it’s scary to think about having no more canned goods. Those stewed tomatoes you imagined would last a lifetime in your pantry? Sorry, girl, but they’ll go bad in 2014. If the apocalypse happened tomorrow, those would only be good for TWO YEARS.

Oh, the horror!

So basically I think that producers of canned goods should barricade their factories so they’d be zombie-free zones and I can still get my canned peas if all goes to hell.

One of my fave zombie movies is Zombieland, the one with Emma Stone and that awkward dude. In it, Woody Harrelson plays a zombie-killing lone wolf who has a serious love for Twinkies. Though his quest for Twinkies runs dry most of the time (including breaking and entering into several grocery stores and even a Hostess truck to search for the snack cakes) he eventually scores big-time.

It got me thinking: why are people so peeved that Twinkies have a long shelf-life? I mean, sure, they’re chock-full of preservatives, but that’s what makes food good. Your kids probably hate Brussels sprouts because they’re not loaded with preservatives, so throw some Ding Dongs in that pot and I guarantee they’ll love them.

Plus, when zombie apocalypse happens, what the hell are you organic-loving, grass-fed-beef-eating people going to eat? I can sure as hell guarantee it ain’t butternut-squash-roasted-quinoa with a delicate lemon-butter-caper chicken. Cause uh, who’s going to harvest those capers? Not you. Not I.

Y’all will be eating Twinkies and Snowballs and Nutty Bars. So I think it’s a good idea that Twinkies last forever since we will all live happy lives in a desolate earth eating creme-filled snack cakes.

The End.

Oh, by the way, before the virus hits, I made some Twinkie Cupcakes you can enjoy now. You know, while we have milk and eggs and stuff. And you should make them; they’re really good and will make you feel energized and stuff, like Brussels sprouts but better.

Twinkie Cupcakes *Twinkie filling adapted from Andie’s recipe at Can You Stay For Dinner 

1 box yellow cake mix, plus ingredients on back of box
1 small box sugar free/fat free instant French vanilla pudding mix
1 jar (7 oz) marshmallow fluff
1/2 cup butter
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp salt
2 teaspoons very hot water
Marshmallow Buttercream (recipe & ingredients follow)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line two muffin tins with about 20 paper liners. Set aside.
2. Prepare cake mix according to package directions, stirring the box of pudding mix into the cake batter to blend. Portion batter evenly among muffin cups, about 2/3 full, and bake for approx. 15-18 mins or until golden and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool completely, the core out the cupcake’s middles with a sharp, small paring knife, careful not to cut through the entire cupcake. Eat or discard centers.
3. First, dissolve the salt into the hot water and allow to cool. In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together the marshmallow cream, butter, powdered sugar and vanilla extract until fluffy. Beat in the salt water. Mixture should be light but not as stiff as frosting.
4. Scoop filling into a resealable plastic bag, seal tight, and snip off a corner of the bag. Pipe the filling into each cored cupcake, filling just to the top. Refrigerate cupcakes while you prepare the frosting.

Marshmallow Buttercream

1 jar (7 oz) marshmallow fluff
2 sticks butter, softened
1 tsp vanilla extract
About 1 bag (32 oz) powdered sugar

1. In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together the fluff, butter and vanilla until combined & creamy, about 2 mins. Gradually begin adding powdered sugar in, about one cup at a time, until frosting is light and fluffy.
2. Pipe frosting onto cooled cupcakes, careful to cover the filled center with frosting. Store frosted cupcakes airtight, preferably in the fridge. They’re super good cold! If desired, garnish with thin slices of Twinkies.

I think the filling and the soft, moist cake is a dead ringer for Twinkies… and my Hostess-lovin’ family thought so, too! How fun would these be at a kid’s birthday party? Or, uh, for Wednesday’s after-dinner dessert, hmm?

Have a great hump day!

xo, Hayley

May be linked to:  Trick or Treat Tuesdays, Crazy Sweet Tuesdays, Cast Party Wednesday,Dwell On Friday, Mrs. Fox’s Sweet Party, Sweet Treats Thursdays

Tagged: cupcakes