I have always been a kid who is mentally distraught over the prospect of disappointing people I respect. Sometimes as a kid, I’d bring home a bad report card. All my parents needed to do was make that face–you know, the disappointed parent face with the tight lips in a straight line and that look in their eyes? GAH, the eyes! They burned holes into my soul. That look will haunt me to my dying day.
So you can imagine that when my supervisor asks me to please see her in her office, I was having PSTD flashbacks to that look as I mentally went down a checklist of Possible Things I Could Have Done Wrong.
And when she asked me to shut the door, oh hooooneeey. The end.
Thankfully, she prefaced the meeting with “you’re not in trouble”, so it assuaged (side note: does anyone else see the word ‘assuage’ and think ‘sausage’? Because it’s pretty much the same word) the guilt bubbling over in my head.
“I need to talk to you about your wardrobe,” she said. My wardrobe? Like how it’s freaking awesome? Like how I have meticulously hand-picked everything and consider myself a fashion curator?
Nope, none of those.
“We’ve gotten complaints about some of the outfits you wear. Namely, the fishnets and tight, short mini dresses.”
Uh, exsqueeese me? A baking powder?
I mean, normally I consider myself a morning person and pride myself in being alert and productive before work. So I don’t think I would easily confuse my after-hours work attire with my office job work attire. Also, did she just call me a hooker?
Not quite knowing how to respond to this, and also trying to assuage/sausage the confusion (assuage--word of the day. Use it) that I have been seen around the office dressed as a lady of the night, I simply mumbled “fishnets?” because that’s what anyone accused of dressing like a hooker would do.
“I don’t even own any fishnets,” I said. “And as far as I know, I don’t own any questionably short mini dresses,” I responded, gesticulating to the rather large, poofy dress I was wearing at the time. If anything, I looked more like Lil Bo Peep minus my herd of fluffy sheep than a working girl [I was wearing this exact dress].
“You’re sure you’ve never worn anything like that to the office?” she asked. I thought back to my closet: yeah, I was pretty friggin’ positive it only consisted of more Lil Bo Peep-esque dresses and things was insane prints, none of which boasted black pleather, chains, whips, or anything assless. I’m pretty sure no one would confuse my colorful candyland closet with a dominatrix dungeon.
“Yes, I’m pretty positive that I own nothing like that,” I said, briefly wishing I didn’t have blue hair because people blame the blue-haired person for everything. I didn’t really know what else to say as I have never been accused of dressing like a lady of the night before and this was definitely a first that I would put in my future memoir. “I promise I won’t wear any more hooker clothes to work,” I said, unable to stop my laughter. This–besides that time that someone told me I looked like Lindsay Lohan–had to be one of the most ridiculous, asinine things to have ever been said to me.
Aaaand yet again, my story has nothing to do with food. Except that I eat a ton of it, and I do not own a pair of fishnets because of this reason.
Anyway, these Scarecrow Pumpkin Magic Bars are sure to knock your fishnet stockings off. If you love pumpkin, they’re the bar of your dreams! Smothered in pumpkin-y goodness, there is a flavor and texture overload that’s sure to please even if your outfits don’t.
- 1 box pumpkin cake mix
- 2 eggs
- ½ cup oil
- ¾ cup pumpkin marshmallows
- ½ cup pumpkin spice M&M's
- ½ cup dry roasted peanuts
- ½ cup peanut butter chips
- ⅔ cup pumpkin spice Hershey Kisses, unwrapped
- ½ can sweetened condensed milk
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 13x9" pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. Mist the foil lightly with cooking spray; set aside.
- In a large bowl, combine the cake mix, eggs and oil with a rubber spatula until a soft dough forms. Evenly pat the dough into the bottom of the pan in a single layer. Bake the layer for about 12 minutes.
- Once the bottom layer has prebaked, top evenly with the marshmallows, M&M's, peanuts, peanut butter chips and unwrapped Hershey Kisses, overloading the bar with toppings! Evenly drizzle the sweetened condensed milk over the top.
- Return the oven and bake for an additional 15-20 minutes, or until the top is set and bubbly. Remove from the oven and cool completely before cutting into bars.
Now is the perfect time to stock up on delicious seasonal pumpkin-flavored candies. I love that these bars are topped generously with a variety of different treats to encompass all the different kinds of texture and flavors. The soft plushness of the marshmallows. The candy coated crunch of the M&M’s. The silkiness of the melted Kisses. The saltiness of the dry-roasted peanuts. These bars perfectly embody fall and I know you’ll love them!!
Happy Monday, you hookers!!