I am a very paranoid person. Worrying is probably my number one hobby, and inventing crazy situations and outcomes is easily my favorite pasttime.
However, having said this, I can recognize that a handful of my “worries” are really stretching it.
One in particular is my fear of mountain lions.
I don’t know when or why this fear started, but it was probably exacerbated by the horror stories on I Survived… in which people are torn apart and maimed by the beasts.
Mountain lions ain’t nuthin’ to mess with.
Now, let’s have ourselves a little geography lesson. I live about 30 minutes outside of Sacramento in a smallish town (smallish being around 50K people), smack dab in the middle of a HUGE neighborhood development with miles and miles of homes surrounding me.. except on the right side. There’s a block of houses and then this huge, spacious field of what appears to be nothingness, but where I am convinced mountain lions, trolls, rattlesnakes and gremlins reside.
I mean, one time I walked up there and saw a goat carcass. A DEAD GOAT. Obviously it was the work of either a mountain lion or some troll voodoo.
And one time on a regular ol’ walk with Mannie to the park, some man and his dog stopped us and started chatting me up about the neighborhood and the turkeys that frequent our local park, and somehow mountain lions came up. This man, clearly unaware he was speaking with the World’s Most Fearful Person of Mountain Lions, decided to inform me that he has seen mountain lions (and lion cubs! (kittens? pups?)) around the area before.
Cautiously, I decided to ask the Mountain Lion Whisperer where these supposed beasts reside around these parts. He pointed to that expansive field (where aforementioned goat carcass was found), and also mentioned they lived in trees. It was then he pointed just above my head to the tree behind me and said, “they could be in that tree right there.”
UM WTF, MOUNTAIN LION MAN. NO BUENO.
So now, I’m basically becoming a recluse because if I am not bombarded with creepiness from Creepy Dad, I will probably be maimed by a mountain lion in a friggin’ tree. Dammit, my luck is such crap. It’d *almost* be funny if it weren’t me and I wasn’t the Universe’s personal freakin’ jester.
Ugh. I need to smother my face with something comforting to console the fact that I live smack dab in the middle of mountain lion habitat. Something sweet and salty. Something chewy and crunchy. Something like a whoopie pie, breakfastfied. Yessssss.
Do it, or a mountain lion will eat you.
- 1 can refrigerated cinnamon rolls (8 count)
- 1 stick butter, softened
- 2 tsp maple extract
- 2 tsp milk
- 3 cups powdered sugar
- About ½ - ⅔ cup cooked and crumbled bacon
- Preheat your oven according to package directions. Place the cinnamon rolls in a greased 8" or 9" round cake pan, spacing them evenly apart.
- Bake the rolls according to package directions, or until golden. Allow to cool almost completely. Resist the urge to frost them with the provided frosting right away -- leave 'em naked until I say so!
- In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together the butter, maple extract and milk until smooth. Gradually add the powdered sugar, about a cup at a time, until mixture is light and fluffy. Stir in the cooked and crumbled bacon to combine.
- Slice each cinnamon roll in half crosswise, like a bun. Place the frosting into a piping bag attached with a large round tip and pipe the frosting generously onto the bottom half of the cinnamon roll. Top off the frosted roll with the remaining half.
- Drizzle the whoopie pies with the provided canned frosting (heat it slightly to thin it out, if needed). Best served immediately.
My dad and brother FLIIIIPPPPED for these tasty treats! They’re the perfect twist on sweet, cozy pancakes and crispy, sizzling bacon — except done up in sandwich form with an irresistible maple bacon frosting and a syrupy sweet glaze atop each domed bun. If you’re a fan of drowning your pancakes/waffles/French toast in syrup, then dunking your bacon in the excess sugary glaze, you’ll love these whoopie pies! And of course, who wouldn’t want to eat a delicious, soft cinnamon roll whoopie pie with a crazy-good, sweet and salty maple bacon frosting for breakfast? I know of no one.
Now excuse me, but I have to prepare my panic room for a potential mountain lion invasion.
Have a fantastic Wednesday!!