Notions About Adulthood I Thought Were Cool As a Kid That I Now Know Are Not Cool
Driving. As a kid, you don’t have freedom. You see adults and cool teenagers driving everywhere, and all you know is you wish you had a license because license = driving = freedom. And when you ask your parents to take you somewhere and they get all testy and snap, “No, I’m tired of driving!” you think that they MUST be full of it because HOW DO YOU GET TIRED OF FREEDOM?! However, now I realize that driving does, in fact, suck. Driving would probably be exponentially improved if A) there was no such thing as gas or charging stations–cars just went; and B) someone else drove me everywhere.
Shopping Sprees. Kids have no concept of money. The 25 cents a day or $5 a chore you shell out to your kids does not teach them about money in a realistic manner. Because to them, they just received $5 for doing basically nothing, and they also received $5 from someone who they perceive to have unlimited $5 bills lying around. When I went shopping with my Mom, say, for back to school clothes, I didn’t pay attention to prices. I just saw an adult woman purchasing a heap of new attire for me at, for what my feeble child mind perceived to be, no money. Or like, $5, since that’s all my Mom ever gave me. Later, when I’d take myself on shopping sprees, I’d be hard-pressed to spend only $5 on heaps of clothes because of, I’m assuming, inflation. Right? Right?
Credit Cards. Similar to shopping sprees, I would watch adults purchase things with those little plastic cards. I came to associate those plastic cards with awesomeness, portals to worlds where people could get anything they want! I kind of began to resent my family for never giving me one of those cards. I would only get lame Christmas and Birthday cards, which I’ve tried and failed to use as a form of currency. As a grown up, I was apprehensive about credit cards and against my better judgment, opened up one. And now there’s this bill. This wasn’t part of the whole grown-up experience! I never saw my parents crunching numbers to make card payments.. I only saw that magical card. WHAT GIVES.
Not Being Bossed Around. Kids are the chopped liver of the world, if you think about it. They get picked on, bossed around, told what to do.. as far as a kid’s concerned, there is no respect from adults. And you think, I can’t wait to be an adult so I won’t be bossed around anymore! And old ladies won’t be able to tell me what to do! And I won’t be in school, so my crusty teacher can’t force me do homework! Life will be GREAT. But then, it’s not. Because you can replace crusty teachers with crusty bosses, bossy adults with crazy, demanding customers, and continually getting picked on by fellow adults.. AND children. Ew, the first time I got told what to do by someone under 17, I kind of had a mental breakdown. Like, did that sassy little fifteen year old chick just tell me what to do? HOW DARE SHE!
Adults are infinitely cool. Okay, some adults. I remember worshipping the cool, older teens and young adults at the mall who wore cool clothes, had awesome friends or boyfriends, had sweet hair and tattoos! and piercings! and listened to cool music and drove kickass cars. Those cool adults could do no wrong! But now, as an adult, I feel like the biggest dork on the planet. My younger sister constantly laughs at me for listening to the same music I did in elementary school, and when I find there’s a new person-trend-saying out in the world I don’t know, I feel like SUCH a tool for asking. It took me like, 458 years to figure out what songs were sung by Justin Bieber, and I still don’t know how to dougie.
Anyway. Now that I’m a dorky, bill-paying, road-raging adult, I am trying to hold onto any shred of childhood I can. A few days ago, I watched Harriet the Spy in its entirety and then YouTubed creepy cartoons I used to watch while simultaneously dunking Oreos into milk. And then it hit me: banana split Oreos. And then I realized, driving to get the ingredients, drinking beer while preparing them, and thinking of a cool idea means that being an adult isn’t so bad.
Now if only I could get some kid to pay ME $5.
- Neapolitan Golden Oreos
- White chocolate bark (Candiquik)
- Chocolate Chips
- Maraschino Cherries
- Sundae Nuts
- Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil. Gently twist open the Oreos and leave them open on the baking sheet; set aside.
- Melt a couple chocolate chips in the microwave until smooth. While they're melting, slice bananas into coins, about ½" thick -- you don't want them too thick.
- Using a toothpick or small spoon, dab a little of the melted chocolate on either side of the banana coin. Gently press the banana onto one of the Oreo halves and carefully resandwich the Oreo together. Repeat with as many bites as you'd like.
- Freeze the banana Oreo bites for about 1 hour or until firm. Once frozen, melt the Candiquik according to package directions, until smooth.
- Dip the bites into the white chocolate, allowing excess chocolate to drip off. Return to the foil-lined sheet. In a smaller bowl, melt the remaining chocolate chips until smooth. Pour the melted chocolate into a ziploc baggy, seal out the air, and snip off a corner of the baggy. Drizzle the chocolate over the white-chocolate-covered bites.
- Immediately sprinkle with sprinkles, sundae nuts, and top with a drained Maraschino cherry, if you'd like. Store in the fridge or freezer, airtight.
- **I did not include specific measurements for this recipe because you can make as many or as little as you'd like! It's really up to you. If you decide to make the entire package, this will make approx. 30 bites, save for any broken cookies.**
These little bites taste just like a banana split! I love the fact that Neapolitan Golden Oreos are used, lending that authentic ice cream flavor. There’s a perfect balance between the vanilla, chocolate, strawberry and banana, and the added crunch on top from the sprinkles and sundae peanuts is true to an actual split! Your kids will love these easy, no-bake snacks and so will you! If you can’t find the Neapolitan Golden Oreos, consider substituting regular Golden Oreos, Twist and Shout Golden Oreos, or Berry Burst Oreos for a similar flavor.
Have a delicious day!