I did a lot of ‘first things’ while I was in Austin.
I met Ree for the first time.
I had a donut with chicken on it for the first time.
And, oh yeah, I was led astray by the blogging conference and taken to a bar where there was supposed to be a sanctioned after-party but where, in fact, there was no one blogging related there except myself and Sarah, and where we were given swag bags and drinks that tasted like rubbing alcohol and likely roofied to where we almost DIED.
Yeah. That happened.
So Sarah and I were told there was this BH afterparty at this bar called the Palm Door on Friday night. We decided to hit it up about a half hour after it started so we could mingle with fellow bloggers and get a margarita, something we had been intensely craving since it was hotter than Hades and also because there’s only so much smiling you can do around a huge group of ladies before you need to drink. #truth
We stumbled upon the street of said bar, and it wasn’t at all like we’d expected. For one, it was on a completely darkened street, save for one lone, flickering bulb outside of the bar. And also, there were a bunch of creepy, drunk-ass younger dudes lurking around the entrance. Creepy, drunk-ass young dudes who I didn’t see at the conference, and therefore, shouldn’t have been at a conference-sanctioned event…or so I thought.
Sarah and I, daredevils we are, hoofed it to the bar and were led up this dark ramp on the side of the building to this outer patio where a man gave us a swag bag and asked for our IDs. We flashed him our conference badges and he looked at us weirdly and said, “no… your drivers licenses.” Okay, well, we are at a bar, we thought… or so we thought. After getting our swag on, we went into the bar which was filled with nary a soul wearing a BlogHer badge.
Everyone looked like normal bar-folk. Desperate ladies clinging to men wearing too much cologne. Younger guys stalking out drunk-female prey. Ladies wearing outfits about the size of a Kleenex. At first I thought, wow, these bloggers know how to party! as I admired a middle-aged woman with her boobs just hanging out like no big deal. I figured it must be a rule that when on vacation, no kids = boobs come out. I get it, moms of the world. Put on that skanky dress and party. Your kids don’t need to know.
Anyway, Sarah and I approached the bar, AKA the purveyor of margaritas and ordered some… to which we were rudely denied them and informed that this bar only served Sprite, cranberry juice, gin and rum. What kind of evil trick is this? I asked the universe. I do not want to live in a world where Sprite and horrid cranberry juice are my only mixer selections. The bartender sensed my fear of cranberry juice and kindly suggested a mojito.
Mojitos in hand, Sarah and I headed to sit in a corner and examine this crowd of supposed bloggers. Again, we found no one with a badge, and no one who even looked like they’d know what ‘blogger’ MEANT, much less was one. I turned to ask the woman next to me if this was the BlogHer after party and she shrugged: “I’m just here with the band” and nodded her head toward a stage without any instruments of any kind. THE BAND THAT WASN’T EVEN THERE.
I took a sip of my mojito and was unpleasantly surprised to find it tasted identical to rubbing alcohol. I thought back to the one time I tried a mojito and thought it tasted weird, but I didn’t remember it tasting like acetone and I wondered if maybe the bartender got the simple syrup and nail polish remover confused. Sarah was equally perturbed about her acetone mojito and we decided that since we didn’t know anyone here, there wasn’t a band that lady could be with, and since we were drinking rubbing alcohol, it was proooobably best that we leave before any potential roofies could kick in.
We abandoned our drinks and took off running toward the safety of our hotel bar, where we ordered margaritas that did not taste like poison and where the hotel bartender told us police had found a dead body behind the bar we had just come from only months before. Fantastic!
We took our non-roofies margs and went to Ashton‘s pajama party, where we told everyone the amazing trials we went through just moments before. Everyone seemed genuinely concerned yet impressed at our survival skills, but that also could be because I had just ingested Isopropyl and may or may not have been hallucinating.
Thankfully, we made it out alive and had plenty of time to work off our near-death experience and eat donuts. Specifically, Gourdough’s Doughnuts, which are the magical purveyors of the Mother Clucker.
Oh mama.
The Mother Clucker is their signature fried donut topped with a crispy fried chicken strip and honey butter sauce. GET. IN. MY. BELLEH. After stalking it on the website, I was determined to order it. And after tasting its deliciousness, I was determined to make it at home. So imagine my amazement when I basically recreated it to a T .. and my disappointment that now any diet plans I have will definitely fail.
Make it, you clucker!
- 1 can Grand's Homestyle Biscuits (not the flaky kind)
- About 2 cups oil
- 8 chicken strips, cooked
- 1 stick butter
- 3 Tbsp honey
- Pour the oil into a heavy-bottomed skillet; it should be an inch or so tall (add more or less as needed). Heat to medium/medium-high.
- Separate the biscuits from the can and gently press them down to flatten slightly with the palm of your hand. Using the base of a large piping tip, cut out a hole in the center of the biscuit. Set the holes aside.
- Fry the biscuits in the hot oil for about 6 minutes, about 3 per side, or until golden brown. Allow the donuts to drain on a paper-towel lined plate.
- While the donuts are draining, cut each chicken strip into bite-sized pieces. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, melt the butter completely, then stir in the honey. Stir vigorously until the two combine.
- To assemble, place the donut down and top it with the chopped chicken. Drizzle with the honey butter and eat! Assembled, these are best served immediately. Makes 8 donuts.
This whole week I intend on making Gourdough’s-inspired donut treats, so in order to do that, I had to have sampled a LOT of their donuts. However, the Mother Clucker was my all-time FAVORITE. There’s something so intoxicating about the pairing of sweet and savory for me, and this donut definitely satisfied. The crispy, salty chicken in the same bite as the soft and chewy donut, and that honey butter–I could drink the stuff! Totally. Incredible. Wait til you see what other donut-inspired treats I have up my sleeve!!
Have a happy Monday!
xo, Hayley
Renee Dwyer says
Oh my loverly thank you for posting this! And a day earlier than expected, all my Christmas wishes came true at once 🙂
Who invited you to the party? Eek creepy! I had that once when I used to drink, a bar had jugs of vodka for cheap and it tasted like petrol! 🙁 yuk!!!
Renee Dwyer says
Oh I forgot to ask what is this : 1 can Grand’s Homestyle Biscuits (not the flaky kind)
Being in Australia I don’t know what this is?
Tieghan says
Whoa!! Amazing!
Cathy Pollak ~ Noble Pig says
Okay, now that I’ve stopped laughing…what the heck? Did you ever find out what happened? I got a million emails about that party and what was in the swag bag?
Chandra@The Plaid and Paisley Kitchen says
That Palm Door Place was the creepiest thing!!! No one we knew was there either!!!! Cool venue Scary Scary Location!! I am so glad that your doughnut survived the monsoon that poured down on us that morning. It’s going to be fun to see all the doughnuts you make!
Nessa says
That’s really creepy! Glad you’re okay. These doughnuts-magnificent!
Karly says
Wow, I’m really sad that I didn’t climb out of bed and join you and Sarah on your night of rape and murder.
Seriously, that donut looks amazing! I can’t wait to try it!
Kayle (The Cooking Actress) says
Ok #1: “I get it, moms of the world. Put on that skanky dress and party. Your kids don’t need to know” ahaahahaaaa
#2-omg you like almost died. That body could’ve been yours. This is why I never go to bars, see!?
#3-what kind of bar only has those mixers??!
#4-The motherclucker is the donut that sang to me when I online stalked Gourdough’s too! OMG Hayley stooop it now I wwaaaant it (even though I don’t like honey mustard…hmm…maybe I can find a way around that)
Julianne @ Beyond Frosting says
You are my hero, that’s all.
Jennifer @ Not Your Momma's Cookie says
Between your sketchy party and your sketchy neighbor, you have to look out for yourself, girl! 😉 These look so freakin’ awesome, especially that honey butter sauce! I’ve got to try making doughnuts with biscuit dough – they always look fabulous and sound so easy!
sally @ sallys baking addiction says
I need to try a mother clucker, Hayley!!!! One day when we meet – we’re totally eating these!
lol “i’m just here with the band” with no band there. That’s just creepy. 🙁
Liz says
You were so brave to go into that bar…..braver than I would’ve been! Good thing you had these donuts to enjoy, though! 🙂
Ashley @ Wishes and Dishes says
OMG…your stories….only you, Hayley LOL A donut with chicken on it, huh? amazing!
Heather @ Sugar Dish Me says
This is like the doughnut version of chicken and waffles! LOVE IT.
I’m so glad you didn’t die.
P.S. Did you ever find normal pajamas? Because I actually found an awesome pair of linen pants at Target and I wondered if you’d had to give in and march around with Tweety Bird across your chest.
Sarah @ Miss CandiQuik says
Luv ya, Hayley – glad I was with you and we made it out alive! The best part was when NO ONE from Austin knew where or what the Palm Door was….or possibly that after the fact we are told that, “you shouldn’t walk alone on that part of Sabine street after dark…”. Or wait, what about the swag bag that included an ONION in it? I think (maybe, possibly) BH needs to find new event coordinators, lol.
Now, I totally need this donut in my life.
Regina @ SpecialtyCakeCreations says
Woah…this donut look like da bomb!
I have never heard or seen a creations like this but it looks sinfully delicious.
Molly @Bakelette says
I just have one question….how do you know what rubbing alcohol tastes like?
These mother cluckers look clucking good!
Tabitha says
Your experience sounds CRAZY! So glad you made it to tell the tale. Just wondering what kinda swag bags are given out at creepy bars…. Also, this donut sounds AMAZING!!! It’s awesome how chicken can make something better. Haha.
Nicole @ Young, Broke and Hungry says
Chicken strips with donuts?! Come to mama.
Aimee @ ShugarySweets says
Holy re-creation!! This looks amazing Hayley! I’m so glad you weren’t murdered. No seriously, I really am glad you weren’t murdered. I’m also glad we got to meet 🙂
Julie @ Table for Two says
this looks RIDICULOUSLY good!!! hahaha i love the name of it too
Ashley @ Kitchen Meets Girl says
Seriously, the weirdest bar EVER. We stayed long enough to get the swag bag and then ran away – fast. I could definitely go for one of these Mother Clucker donuts, since the idea of maintaining a “diet” has long been abandoned.
Nancy @ gottagetbaked says
Where did you get that after party invite?! Creeeeeepy! Thank God you made it outta there alive to tell the sordid tale. More importantly, thank God you made it outta there so that you could have the mother clucker and recreate it at home. There is too much brilliance here – I bow down to the genius who created this. My arteries are constricting already but like I always tell them, suck it up!
Kathy H. says
Sure glad that you are a Survivor!!!! OK now – exactly WHAT was in that doggone swag bag?!?!?