So I’m not a hypochondriac, but I often DO worry about weird medical issues I may or may not have.
Sometimes, I imagine myself going to medical school just so I can ask doctors really weird questions of things I’m dying to know. And then I can publish a book called “Weird Medical Oddities You Always Wondered About” and it will become a best-seller.
Like .. if you lose your eye, can you poke your brain?
Why are Charlie Horses called that? I like horses but I can definitely say I freaking HATE Charlie’s horse. He’s an ass.
Where is the skin thickest on your body?
Where does the blood come from during a nose bleed?
What does a brain feel like?
And so on.
Recently, I’ve been plagued with an intense, sharp pain in my right shoulder blade. I suspected it was from jogging a couple days ago and I vowed to never jog again since I was in such severe pain. However, my dad informed me I can’t not jog just because my shoulder hurts and how could I have injured my shoulder while jogging, and also, my doctor made it very clear in a snarky kinda way that I gained five pounds, so I couldn’t really take it out on jogging.
Anyway, so I tried icing, applying heat, massaging, stretching and ibuprofinning the hell out of my shoulder blade, but to no alleviation of pain. Convinced something was definitely wrong, I began Googling my symptoms and decided for myself that I had prooooobably punctured a lung.
(And by ‘probably’ I mean probably not).
I informed my family that my lung had been punctured and I was unable to do anything but moan in pain and watch Real Housewives marathons because even breathing hurt. My mom told me I did not puncture a lung, but she’s also never punctured her lung so how would she even know? It’s like she’s trying to downplay my potential lung laceration or something. I mean, helllooooo Mother. I could DIE from this messed up lung. And it’s all jogging’s fault!!
Anyway, so I’m going to the doctor later and I’m sure he’ll do an x-ray and diagnose me on the spot for having a punctured lung and will marvel at how I managed to survive in such dreadful conditions for several days without even calling the advice nurse until today. I’ll probably be awarded some kind of heroic medal and stuff, and then I can use the publicity to make that weird medical book.
It’s a win-win, I think.
Also a win-win? When Payday bars meet blondies. HELLO, AWESOME.
I love me some Paydays, and I love me some blondies. When combined, the two create a harmonious concoction that’s chewy, sweet, salty and crunchy .. the perfect blend of texture and flavor. They were literally my go-to food while I was on the mend. If I do say so myself, they probably have special medical properties. But then again, I’m not a doctor — yet.
- 1 box yellow cake mix
- 2 eggs
- ½ cup oil
- 1 jar marshmallow cream/fluff
- ½ cup smooth peanut butter
- 1 bag Kraft caramels, unwrapped
- ¾ cup unsalted peanuts
- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 13x9 inch baking pan with cooking spray; set aside. In a medium bowl, combine the cake mix, eggs and oil with a spatula until blended. Press the dough evenly into the greased pan.
- Bake the blondie layer for approx. 13-15 minutes or until lightly golden and center has set. Cool the blondies completely.
- In a medium bowl, combine the marshmallow fluff + peanut butter with an electric handheld mixer or whisk vigorously with a spoon. Spread this 'nougat' mixture on top of the blondies in an even layer. Set aside.
- Unwrap the caramels and place them in a microwave-safe bowl. Heat for 1 minute, then stir. Heat again for 30 seconds, stirring after each round in the microwave, until smooth and melted. (You may need to add a splash of heavy cream or water to the caramel to loosen it up a bit.) Once melted, spread the caramel evenly over the top of the nougat mixture. Top immediately with peanuts.
- Allow bars to set for about 10 minutes before cutting into squares. Store airtight at room temperature for several days.
Normally, Paydays aren’t known for having a nougat layer. But I wanted to pump up that peanut flavor by adding it into these blondie bites. It gives them such a luscious, light, whipped filling in between the chewy blondie base and the sticky, gooey caramel layer. Plus, like I wanted, it emphasizes that salty, peanutty flavor, yet manages not to overwhelm the caramel layer. These bites are SO tasty, and the pan was literally gone within minutes.
Have a happy Wednesday!