So I’m not a hypochondriac, but I often DO worry about weird medical issues I may or may not have.
Sometimes, I imagine myself going to medical school just so I can ask doctors really weird questions of things I’m dying to know. And then I can publish a book called “Weird Medical Oddities You Always Wondered About” and it will become a best-seller.
Like .. if you lose your eye, can you poke your brain?
Why are Charlie Horses called that? I like horses but I can definitely say I freaking HATE Charlie’s horse. He’s an ass.
Where is the skin thickest on your body?
Where does the blood come from during a nose bleed?
What does a brain feel like?
And so on.
Recently, I’ve been plagued with an intense, sharp pain in my right shoulder blade. I suspected it was from jogging a couple days ago and I vowed to never jog again since I was in such severe pain. However, my dad informed me I can’t not jog just because my shoulder hurts and how could I have injured my shoulder while jogging, and also, my doctor made it very clear in a snarky kinda way that I gained five pounds, so I couldn’t really take it out on jogging.
Anyway, so I tried icing, applying heat, massaging, stretching and ibuprofinning the hell out of my shoulder blade, but to no alleviation of pain. Convinced something was definitely wrong, I began Googling my symptoms and decided for myself that I had prooooobably punctured a lung.
(And by ‘probably’ I mean probably not).
I informed my family that my lung had been punctured and I was unable to do anything but moan in pain and watch Real Housewives marathons because even breathing hurt. My mom told me I did not puncture a lung, but she’s also never punctured her lung so how would she even know? It’s like she’s trying to downplay my potential lung laceration or something. I mean, helllooooo Mother. I could DIE from this messed up lung. And it’s all jogging’s fault!!
Anyway, so I’m going to the doctor later and I’m sure he’ll do an x-ray and diagnose me on the spot for having a punctured lung and will marvel at how I managed to survive in such dreadful conditions for several days without even calling the advice nurse until today. I’ll probably be awarded some kind of heroic medal and stuff, and then I can use the publicity to make that weird medical book.
It’s a win-win, I think.
Also a win-win? When Payday bars meet blondies. HELLO, AWESOME.
I love me some Paydays, and I love me some blondies. When combined, the two create a harmonious concoction that’s chewy, sweet, salty and crunchy .. the perfect blend of texture and flavor. They were literally my go-to food while I was on the mend. If I do say so myself, they probably have special medical properties. But then again, I’m not a doctor — yet.
- 1 box yellow cake mix
- 2 eggs
- ½ cup oil
- 1 jar marshmallow cream/fluff
- ½ cup smooth peanut butter
- 1 bag Kraft caramels, unwrapped
- ¾ cup unsalted peanuts
- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 13x9 inch baking pan with cooking spray; set aside. In a medium bowl, combine the cake mix, eggs and oil with a spatula until blended. Press the dough evenly into the greased pan.
- Bake the blondie layer for approx. 13-15 minutes or until lightly golden and center has set. Cool the blondies completely.
- In a medium bowl, combine the marshmallow fluff + peanut butter with an electric handheld mixer or whisk vigorously with a spoon. Spread this 'nougat' mixture on top of the blondies in an even layer. Set aside.
- Unwrap the caramels and place them in a microwave-safe bowl. Heat for 1 minute, then stir. Heat again for 30 seconds, stirring after each round in the microwave, until smooth and melted. (You may need to add a splash of heavy cream or water to the caramel to loosen it up a bit.) Once melted, spread the caramel evenly over the top of the nougat mixture. Top immediately with peanuts.
- Allow bars to set for about 10 minutes before cutting into squares. Store airtight at room temperature for several days.
Normally, Paydays aren’t known for having a nougat layer. But I wanted to pump up that peanut flavor by adding it into these blondie bites. It gives them such a luscious, light, whipped filling in between the chewy blondie base and the sticky, gooey caramel layer. Plus, like I wanted, it emphasizes that salty, peanutty flavor, yet manages not to overwhelm the caramel layer. These bites are SO tasty, and the pan was literally gone within minutes.
Have a happy Wednesday!
xo, Hayley
My shoulder also started hurting while running. I blamed it on carrying too much stuff to school/ an irritation of a previous injury. Hope yours feels better and I’m sure these payday blondie bites could cure us both.
I actually have a biology degree and have done quite a bit of work with cadavers, so I can answer a few of your weird questions!…
if you lose your eye, can you poke your brain — No. Your eye is in a cavity (called an orbital), not to mention all of the million muscles (okay. like 7) running into there. Your optic nerve does run into there thoughl, so if you acted real fast, you could touch a big fat nerve.
What’s a brain feel like — inside your head? a little like jello. the brains people are holding on TV, in labs, etc have been treated and feel sort of spongey. It’s actually a pretty cool texture. I recommend you go find a brain to hold.
Now that I’ve been gross and talked about cadavers and brain goo, I’d like to mention how awesome these blondie bites sound! I might have to melt a little chocolate and drizzle on top, so it’s like those chocolate covered paydays I’m always suckered into buying when they’re around.
Your poor shoulder! Oh no! Don’t die! You’re my friend!
Quick! Eat some of these blondies and maybe you’ll be magically healed, stat! 😛
Hayley, I always knew running was bad for you. Ok, it’s not, I just hate it! I’m sorry about your shoulder. But am happy it didn’t keep you from creating these blondes! Payday’s are awesome! What an idea turning them into a blondie!
I would love me some of these blondies!
See, this is exactly why I don’t run or do any type of exercise. The potential for hurting yourself is just too great to risk it. Hope your shoulder gets better and they patch up that punctured lung.
And these look great! I love nuts and I’ve been eating Payday’s since forever. I’m still trying to find a desire to have caramel after those brownies I made for Valentine’s, but once I feel like I’m ready to have it again, I wouldn’t mind some of these.
Your poor shoulder! Last year in England my cousin was riding her horse fell off and we all said your fine Poppie don’t over react. (she was 7 at the time) needless to say four hours later we took her to the hospital and she had shattered her ankel bones.. Ooops! Hope your shoulder is okay and hope I can grab a few of these babies thru the screen right now.. that caramel layer is starring at me !!!!!!!!
Aww, I hope your shoulder feels better now! Nothing a batch of blondies (and Real Housewives) can’t fix though…
Omg how weird is it that last week, I injured my shoulder/chest area too! And I literally felt a sharb stabbing pain every time I took a breath in and after looking my symptoms up on WEBMD, I was fairly certain I had an inflamed lung or something. I went to the doctor expecting that to be my diagnosis and she says I pulled a muscle during exercising. I still don’t entirely believe that’s true but the pain has settled down after not working out for a few days. Oh well, I’m prescribing these blondies myself just to be sure I’m entirely cured!
Do you know I’ve actually touched a brain? I mean it was at the BODIES exhibit so I’m sure it would feel way different like, in someone’s head, but still. Touched a brain. and it was gross. On the bright side these Blondie Bites are Bangin’ and I wish I had a dozen right this second! 😀
I’m sure these Payday Blondies will heal all your ailments! At least that’s what I would tell myself! 🙂
Definitely a punctured lung. I mean, I don’t have a medical degree but I am confident in your diagnosis 😉
I have mixed feelings about paydays. One day I love it the next I want nothing to do with them. But today your blondies are calling to me. That caramel..mmm
I freaking LOVE paydays. And everything about these blondies girl. Let me know if you have more questions about my hosting server or design. 🙂 Hope that shoulder feels better soon! xo
I adore Paydays! I totally thought I was the only one. It seemed like one of the unpopular candy bars that never gets asked to dance at parties 🙂
these paydays might even make running seem worth the pain:)
I can’t even remember the last time I had a Payday!!! I flipping love those things. But it’s like I forgot about them. How in the world…
I love these! I hope you feel better. Running is the devil. I knew it.
In undergrad I used to go down to the vending machine in the basement of my dorm to treat myself to a payday during a long night of studying. Love that you’ve made them into a bar!
I would have no problem devouring a pan of these all by myself!
LOL, I hope the doctor fixed your lung! 🙂 These bars rock. I heart me some paydays!
Ooohhhh my goodness. Paydays are one of my FAVORITE, very underrated candies… and these blondies look amazaballs.
Good luck with the shoulder and lung, my fellow hypochondriac! I think I’m deathly ill all the time and often consult my good friend, Dr. Google (which only makes me more paranoid). At least you had these amazing bars to make you feel better – I need these in my life!