I have never been a big fan of school.
School means homework, annoying classmates, (sometimes) bad teachers, buying school supplies you’ll never need (I’m looking at you, protractor, colored pencils and big pink erasers), and another year or semester standing in your way before you’re over.
As a kid, I grew exceptionally wise in my excuses for coming home early. Coming home early was my savior in a day full of too-hard math problems, boring sack lunches and recesses where my friends were being stupid. Coming home early was the light at the end of the seemingly infinite tunnel. Coming home early was my specialty.
Now, my parents were hardasses. They used to always say “unless you broke your arm or you’re dead, you can’t come home early.” I don’t know why it was limited to having a broken arm or being dead, as I have never experienced either (thankfully), but regardless, I made it work despite failing at arm breaking and/or dying.
I fondly remember in the second grade one day, I was being harassed by stupid children about my peanut butter + green jelly sandwich. If y’all don’t know, green jelly (aka apple mint jelly) is commonly used as a side for lamb. Ignorant of its real use, my family tried it one day and my brother and I have been feverishly hooked since. I eat it on everything and love it. However, as a kid, I was constantly harassed because it looked like “slime.”
So while battling a love of slime while trying to defend the jelly with justice, I kept thinking, “man, this would be SO much better if I could just go home early and eat my goddamned sandwich in some freaking peace. These children are ignorant” and lo and behold, some bumblebee decided my arm looked tasty and then, bam, I was stung by a friggin’ bee.
I calmly looked down at my stinger-pricked arm, picked up my half-eaten sammy, and walked to the office. I picked up the phone, turned on my Tear Face, channeled the pain I’d imagine one would experience when they were dying or breaking their arm, and called my dad. “Dad, I got stung by a bee. And it hurts,” I wailed.
Seconds later gratification, people. I went home early. And then, my dad took this picture. And then we went to the dump! Yay!
That right there, is the face of achievement. I didn’t die, bitches, but I got stung and I’m proud. Also, that PBJ was freaking delicious.
PBJs, this Sugar Cookie Puppy Chow, and bee stings don’t really have too much in common with each other, but that’s neither here nor there. I suppose they all remind me of school, which reminds me of Back 2 School Week, which reminds me that school lunches are always missing something in them that makes me look forward to it (besides green jelly and excuses).
I’m thinking they need something more than Cheezits or prepackaged brownies. Something covered in powdered sugar, smothered in sprinkles, and something that would make all them naysaying, green jelly-hating losers jealous. Something like a sugar cookie flavored puppy chow, perhaps.
Sugar Cookie Puppy Chow *I’m not including “real” measurements on here since this recipe is totally adaptable based on how much YOU want. Use your discretion based on your tastes; just adjust the chocolate/mix/powdered sugar as necessary.
Goldfish Cupcake Grahams
PopTarts Strawberry Mini Crisps
2 squares white baking chocolate
2-3 Tbsp sugar cookie mix (just the powdered mix)
About 2 cups powdered sugar
1. Pour the powdered sugar & sprinkles in a large resealable bag and set aside. Melt the chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl until melted. Stir in the sugar cookie mix to combine.
2. Toss together the grahams, pretzels, marshmallows and mini crisps in another bowl. Pour the white chocolate mixture over the top and gently toss to thoroughly coat it. Pour the coated mix into the plastic bag. Seal the bag, then vigorously shake it until everything has been thoroughly coated with powdered sugar.
3. Store the mix airtight for up to a week.
Now if this was in my lunch box, I’d be stoked. Tons of sweet and salty goodness, coated in my fave thing in the world: powdered sugar, and tossed liberally with sprinkles. This mix will make your kid the coolest on campus, trust me.
Have a great day!!