I don’t know how I feel about reincarnation, but I’m thinking it’s pretty plausible.
Otherwise, how would you explain my olfactory sense as being as intense as a bloodhound’s, being able to identify certain scents clearly and quickly–like how the Mattress Discounters store by my old house used to always smell like mayonnaise?
Or how my dog was probably a serial killer/night stalker in a past life? I’ll be minding my own business, vacuuming or baking or reading and will look out the window and see him sitting there, STARING INTENTLY at me like I’m some giant talking Milkbone, and then he’ll disappear. Or we’ll find him lurking in weird corners of the house. Seriously.Creepy. Contest is over, I win for world’s creepiest dog.
Anyway, we all know I have that good ol’ irrational fear of smelling bad but it bears repeating. And I happen to have a Public Service Announcement with today’s post. It’s about something I like to call Perfume Etiquette.
With my irrational fear of smelling bad or IFSB for short (it is a mental disease; doctors just don’t know it yet), I am a huge fan of deodorant, body wash and perfume. I stockpile my closet to the gills with scented shower gels, numerous bottles of fragranced lotions and perfumes and the like. I like smelling good. Crazy.
But I know Perfume Etiquette. I know that other people don’t like smelling as good as me, or other people smell worse than me and then cover it up in a desperate attempt to avoid smelling like old grilled cheese. I get it. We’re in this together, friends. However, sometimes, people have no idea what P.E. is and just splash on some potion willy-nilly… and that’s a big no-no.
1. Attention Grandmothers who are fans of whatever perfume all grandmothers seem to wear: We love you. A lot. You’re our grandma and probably let us get away with a bunch of crap our parents never would have. And we love giving and getting big grandma hugs. But please note that unfortunately, your perfume is kind of like a virus. It is uncaring and heartless and will bounce from one person to the next, seeking refuge in the fibers of my tee-shirt for days after wearing and washing it. I will not be able to get rid of it. It will infect my clothes, my skin, and anything it comes into contact with. So please, could ya stop wearing that scent over and over?
2. Dousing yourself in fragrance isn’t smart, it’s nose-assaulting. A couple days ago, some teenage girls came into my work. Everything was fine and dandy until suddenly, I felt my nose being molested. It crept over the counter and into my nostrils and I was being full-on assaulted by the cloying scent of honeysuckle and vanilla and absolute painful death. If the FBI ever wants to get info out of me, they need to wire that smell into the room and I’ll confess faster than you can say “Save my nostrils, they’re on fire!” Let it be known that I’m SOHAPPY you love your perfume, but I’m not SOHAPPY when I’m nursing a migraine and counseling my molested nose long after you’ve left. Lay off the additional 50 spritzes. Perfume is supposed to last a long time, not a bottle a day.
3. Boys, Axe is no excuse for not showering. I get it. Video games, TV shows, playing sports. You have other things to do than shower. But girls have this down to a science. If we smell one spritz of Axe, we pretty much just got a message on a silver platter that says you smell bad and don’t shower frequently. It’s sad, I know, but true. So invest in some more one-on-one time in your bathtub and perhaps pick up a real cologne that isn’t called Mountain Fresh because mountains smell better than you do, and usually, they have lions and poop on them. That’s kinda sad.
4. Moral here? Less is more. Big hair = little girl beauty pageants. Too much makeup = drag queen tryouts. Excessive perfume = people die. I don’t know if anyone’s actually died, but probably. Just be conscious with your sprays, okay? I’m pretty sure that’s what the forefathers would have wanted.
Forefathers also like crazy-cool cookies. You didn’t know that? Who are you?
I got the idea for these cookies from the super sweet and talented Jocelyn at Inside BruCrew Life. Her blog is so fun and so is she–she’s a fearless mama in the kitchen! She recently baked up some Almond Joy Banana Bread and I nearly lost it. Bananas + almond joys? Amazeballs, people.
So I made it into cookies. I’m sure Jocelyn AND our forefathers would approve.
1 box banana nut muffin mix (yeah, we’re using muffin mix for cookies)
1/2 cup oil
1 cup shredded coconut
1 cup Almond Joy Pieces
1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly mist 2 cookie sheets with cooking spray and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, combine the muffin mix, eggs and oil and stir with a rubber spatula until a soft yet thick dough forms. Stir in the coconut and candy pieces.
3. Drop dough by the heaping Tablespoonful onto the prepared cookie sheets, keeping them about 1″ apart. The dough won’t really spread, so you can always “double scoop” your cookies if you’d like larger ones. Bake for approx. 8-10 minutes, rotating pans halfway through cook time. Mine took 9 minutes exactly. Cool on the sheets for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
4. Store leftover cookies airtight for 2-3 days. These taste great both warm and room temperature!
I nevah thought muffin mix would work for cookies, but after this attempt way back when, I’ve been pleasantly surprised. These cookies are soft and moist like banana bread with a great crunch from the walnuts in the muffin mix and the candy pieces. Also, anything with coconut in it is instantly amazing in my book. I know you’ll love them!
Have a wonderful day!!