Let’s preface this by saying any recipe with 6 consecutive ‘C’s in the title is automatically awesome.
Unless it’s not… like Crusty-Chilled Cod Carcass & Chewy Clams with Curry Sauce.
Obviously because curry is gross.
Anyway, I have a weird story to tell. Actually, it’s the story of a weird person who will now be publicly shamed for their actions because they were so ghastly and awkward.
BASICALLY, I had a presentation due in one of my classes and to bribe the class onto my side, I thought there was no better idea than to bring in baked goods. Right after lunch, no one could resist a delicious sweet treat, right?
However, time ran out the day before and in a pinch, I picked up two dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme on the way to school.
Every mortal loves donuts.
So I went to my first class and minded my own business, discreetly (or as discreetly as you can hide two dozen donuts emanating donut smells from everyone) hid them under my seat for the duration of the class.
A couple people near me made comments: “ooh, those look good” or “those all for you?” or something generic like that, to which I’d just smile and say, “I know, I can’t wait for my presentation next class; I’m using them for bribery” and they’d say something generic again like “I love Krispy Kreme!” or “wish I were in your next class!” or something.
All. Fine & Good.
Then some weird stranger would later give me a creepy look and say “I like them best when they’re hot and ready” but we won’t go into the subtler innuendos of that comment.
So after my first class is my lunch, and I went to a table, dove headfirst into my delicious havarti and honey turkey salad, and got to work on my upcoming presentation with my class partners.
We were discussing the poetical meanings behind war poetry when suddenly, I saw a flash of red behind me. I turned to look and lo and behold, it was someone from my math class earlier.
At first I figured they were going to ask me something about math seeing as we have absolutely nothing in common other than a shared math class and we have never really spoken before this anticipated moment, save for the couple of times they had rudely “helped” me after I asked someone nearby for help on a problem and they had decided to take it upon themselves to “assist” me with their horrendously condescending tone.
So I said “hi”, half anticipating this person to ask me for my notes or something, though at the same time simultaneously confusing myself as to why they’d want my notes since they probably have an A in the class and I do not; and also due to their nasty ‘tude/ignoring me every moment up until this very moment. I was practically reaching for my notes in a confused haze when they said:
“Can I have a donut?”
The thought hit me like a small sock filled with rocks and I thought to myself, can you have a donut?! A stupid look must have crossed my face, along with a flash of surprise at the audacity of their comment.
Can I have… a donut.
Can I have a donut?
CAN I HAVE A DONUT.
I don’t even KNOW YOUR NAME. Much less do I WANT to know your name since you’ve been so rude to me in the past. Much less do I WANT to give you a donut since I would NEVER ASK SOMEONE I BARELY KNEW IF I COULD HAVE ONE OF THEIR DONUTS.
Like I’m toting 24 glazed rings around needlessly, just waiting for someone to ask me for one. “Oh yeah! These? I just spent my OWN MONEY on random donuts so anyone who had the guts to ask a complete stranger for a donut could have one!”
WHAT. THE. EFF.
So I choked out, “No, sorry, these are for a presentation next class” and protectively put my hand on my donuts. Where was that ‘hot & ready’ creep? I’d rather he came back and accosted me with sexual donut innuendos than deal with this person who crawled out from under a rock, clearly new to this wide world of manners.
To which they replied, “okay” and walked away. As if nothing weird had just happened. As if they didn’t just stare at me all class, seek me out in the cafeteria, decide to pull the stick out of their ass, and ask me for a donut.
I mean, I’m not a crazy donut-denying bitch, because if this person were nicer or more helpful, or I knew I had too many donuts and could spare a few, I would have totally given them out to the cool people in my math class who always help me with my inane questions. God knows when I made treats for my math class a couple weeks ago, I didn’t bat an eye when the boy who always answers my questions took several treats because I knew he deserved them more than anyone else!
And just so you know, no one EVER shows up to the class warranting the donuts and presentation, but literally EVERYONE showed up for our presentation, so two dozen barely covered it. Not that I need to JUSTIFY MY OWN PURCHASE OF DONUTS.
So after school (and a good presentation), I was woefully donutless but still thinking about this crazy person. Thankfully for them, their craziness inspires not only a blog post but a recipe–one that’s completely CRAZY and involving lots of C-words.
Though not the C-words you’re thinking of, I’m sure. Good, happy, yummy C-words. Like Chocolate Chip Cookie Caramel Coconut Candy Bars. See? No harm!
They’re ooey, gooey, sticky, chewy and perfect: a chocolate chip cookie base topped with toasted coconut and chopped Rolos, and drizzled with sweetened condensed milk. In other words: heavenly.
And since you’re my friends, yes, you can have one. I’ll even give you the gooeiest middle square, because you guys are cool & I know you don’t disappoint me in real life.
1 pkg chocolate chip cookie mix
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 & 1/2 cups shredded coconut, divided
2 cups miniature Rolos, cut in half
1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 13×9 inch pan with foil, extending the ends over the sides of the pan, and lightly grease the foil. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl, stir together the cookie mix, egg and melted butter until a soft dough has formed. Stir in 1/2 cup of the coconut. Press the mixture evenly into the prepared pan and bake for 10 minutes.
3. Sprinkle the chopped Rolos and remaining coconut over the top of the par-baked crust. Drizzle evenly with the sweetened condensed milk.
4. Bake for an additional 25-30 minutes or until the center is just set and light golden brown. Transfer bars to a wire rack to cool completely before removing foil from pan and cutting into bars. Store leftover bars airtight up to 2 days.
My brother took some leftover bars to his girlfriend’s mom who loves coconut, and they got rave reviews! I love how the caramel oozes from the Rolos, leaving this gooey, toasted-coconutty crunch on the tops of the bars–it’s seriously so good!
No shame in asking for these 🙂
Hope you have a wonderful day!!