I hate tardiness.
Most people do, I’m assuming. Even the so-called “tardy-haters” who are always tardy. Hm, that’s ironic, right? But it’s true!
Just like when people who perpetuate drama claim they hate drama… but then they start it and their lives like, depend on it and if they don’t know who so&so is dating or how so&so recovered from their latest stint in rehab, they’d be… actual human beings with lives.
SO WEIRD, RIGHT?!
But anywho, I really despise tardiness. It’s SO unavoidable 98% of the time.
I mean, if a tornado catches your car in its eye and you had to jump from the driver’s seat, catch another car in the tornado and finally flee, only to land in a river where you had to swim against the current to dry land where there was a shopping mall and the high school had just let out so there were a bunch of moronic Abercrombie teens hanging out IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WALKWAYS and you were like, five minutes late, it’s understandable.
But perpetual tardiness? Nevah.
It’s so weird–they invented these awesome devices called CLOCKS hella long ago. Sooooo pretty much you’re the only one who doesn’t use one. SO odd, right?
This didn’t happen to me recently (though it’s happened before), but I always loathe when people are late to functions you’re hosting, like parties or dinner. It’s incredibly rude and always makes everyone hate your effing guts the second you walk through the door.
One time, I prepared a really nice dinner for someone who showed up over an hour and a half late–only to have the dinner woefully inedible since it’d been in the oven like, two hours longer than it had to be. Not only was it a huge waste of food (and seriously embarrassing–a food blogger’s food should NEVER taste bad, I mean hellooooo) it wasn’t fair.
I always hate going to people’s houses when there are dinners or parties or formal functions when food should be served at a certain time and someone hasn’t arrived yet, because now the people who DO understand the concept of time and who WERE polite and prepared and early are punished for the tardy person’s ignorance and stupidity.
And what I hate most is that, usually, I’m not at someone’s house if I’m not invited to a party of some sort–with food, of course–and the host doesn’t want to break into the food because “so&so hasn’t arrived yet” and “we should just wait for so&so” and “it isn’t right to start without them”, I just want to PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT BECAUSE I GOT HERE FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES EARLY AND THIS A*HOLE IS TWENTY MINUTES LATE AND WHY SHOULD MY RIGHT TO EAT BE NEGLECTED BY THEIR A*HOLERY!? Now bust open those damn taquitos because it’s eating time, bitches!
What I don’t get is how it’s rude to start without this person when they clearly have no concept of manners or time when it comes to you or I. Oh no!–they were perfectly fine taking their dandy time twiddling their thumbs or playing a game of “Who’s Dumber Than A Sock Full of Rocks” and LOSING because they’re AWFUL PEOPLE.
SO WHY CAN’T WE FREAKING EAT YET?!?
I like, go on murder sprees when I’m denied food, okay?! Well, not really “murder sprees” but I think about it and then I think about eating all the food since I just stomped out my food competition.
BTW, do you ever get food competition at gatherings? I ALWAYS do but try to hide it since I don’t want people thinking “what’s with the weird, over-eager girl over at the buffet table?”
So I always have to make sure I’m like, second or third in line so it looks normal to be heading over there, but I still have a really good chance at getting the fresh food I’ve mentally claimed. Except I also really hate being second or third because the people in front of me take SOFREAKINGLONG to serve themselves and I’m like OMGWHYWEREYOUBORNWITHASERVINGDEFIENCY?! and then I get angrier.
Do I have issues? (Don’t answer that)
Anyway. The next party or formal gathering I’m hosting, if anyone’s late, that’s T.S. I don’t have patience for people who don’t have manners, so I hope they’re on a crumb-only diet since that’s what’ll be leftover.
And uh, fyi–invites have times on them ’cause, well, that’s what time you’re supposed to show up. Sooooo…just sayin’.
Oh, and anyone who’d be late for say, a breakfast soiree featuring these (super easy but super amazing) Biscuit Donuts would be preposterous and I would unfriend them immediately so A) you don’t have loooosers in your life; and B) you get more donuts.
(I am your true, always-early friend here. I got your back)
So what exactly is a Biscuit Donut? It’s a donut fried to golden perfection made out of a refrigerated biscuit… or a refrigerated cinnamon roll… whichever you’re fancying at that particular moment, or based on whatever you’ve got on hand. See? Really easy, right? And I must reiterate: REALLY AMAZING.
No more talking–just more eating!!
Biscuit Donuts–Two Ways *inspired by this recipe from Pillsbury
1 can refrigerated biscuits (any kind/brand EXCEPT flaky–I used jumbo golden butter)
About 5 Tbsp butter, melted
1 & 1/4 cup cinnamon sugar
1. In a large rimmed pan, heat about 1 inch of oil over medium heat until nice and hot.
2. While oil’s heating, separate the biscuits and gently press on a biscuit with your palm to slightly flatten it. Using a small biscuit cutter (or if we’re being honest, I used a small medicine cup you use to take NyQuil and stuff), cut out the center of each biscuit, reserving the middles.
3. Fry the biscuits about 2 minutes on each side until golden. The donut holes will take about 1 minute per side. Transfer the donut holes and donuts to a wire rack to cool slightly.
4. Then, using tongs or your hands dunk one side of the biscuit into the melted butter, then dredge in the cinnamon sugar mixture. Repeat on the other side, and return to the wire rack to set the cinnamon sugar for a minute.
1 can refrigerated cinnamon rolls, plus the reserved icing
1. Follow steps 1-3, gently pressing the “tails” of the cinnamon rolls together before frying should they come undone a little.
2. Once cooled slightly, spread or drizzle with the reserved icing.
Both donuts are best served the same day.
#1. That tardiness is never, ever cool and should be punishable by death–er, at least, by being denied delicious donuts; and
#2. That using canned biscuits to make donuts is like, toooootally genius. And why you haven’t made them yet, I dooo not know.
Yay! Class and rant dismissed! Now eat!!
Have a great day!