I’ve never understood those guy pin-up spreads in magazines like Cosmo.
I was never the girl who hung pictures of celebrities in their panties on my bedroom walls. I was weird and hung pictures of Mary-Kate Olsen because I had somewhat of an Olsen twin fetish but that’s besides the point and we won’t talk about that anymore.
Or how I still listen to CDs from the 8th grade which beautifully encapsulate what a moron I was.
But seriously, you know when girls get all “omigawd, he’s sweating in some boxer-briefs and it’s so damn hawwtt!” and they all squeal with delight–the same squeal I make when I see a particularly adorable dog–and I sit there and I feel really left out because I have zero desire to squeal over a half-naked man who is SWEATING?!
And they’re like “omg, don’t you think David Beckham is sooo hot?! He’s SO hot. HE’SSOHOTHAYLEYYOUBETTERTHINKSO” and you feel that peer pressure to think their celebrity crush–who is sweating–is hot?
I don’t care how sexy Becks is. Or the dude wearing underwear and posing in a spread for “Read His Body Language” in this month’s issue of Bible–er, Cosmo.
When there’s sweat involved, I’m done. Out. Gone.
Because you know what? Sweat is GROSS. It’s gross on me. It’s gross on you. It’s gross on Becks and even Jessie who I’m convinced is hot 100% of the time… but not when sweating. It’s damn nasty. And you know why? Because it smells like soup. Or chow mein on certain people I’ve had the displeasure of walking past after they’re particularly damp. And sometimes, in the summer, like cheddar.
I’ve really narrowed my olfactory senses down to an intricate science. Don’t believe me? Smell your TOMS after a long, hot August day. Thinking of grilled cheese? Yup.
Cheese smells good when it’s cheese. Chow mein smells good when we’re pigging out on Chinese. Soup smells good when there’s a steaming bowl of soup in front of me. Not when a human being smells like one or a combination of the above.
That’s why I have my irrational fear of smelling bad. And that’s why I welcome other people who also douse themselves mercilessly with perfume to avoid smelling like vegetable beef. And why I can’t bear to ogle sopping-wet men because unless I am being asphyxiated by the overwhelming stench of designer cologne, I ain’t interested in this au naturel smell, boys. Shower. And douse yourselves to the point where you’re actually flammable.
There is one exception, though. Pizza. I mean, I LOVE pizza. I could marry it, but then I’d be like that weird guy in the Jack in the Box commercials who marries a cheeseburger that kind of make me moderately uncomfortable.
But if you’ve been to any modern pizza parlor, you know they usually offer a “dessert” pizza–more than likely, topped with copious amounts of butter, cinnamon and sugar and drizzled with icing. And hello, they smell amazing and taste amazing… even if they don’t smell the way pizza usually does.
It got me thinking–why can’t I adapt the idea of the dessert pizza to be hot and ready in my own home? If I did that, though, it would involve cookies. And chocolate and marshmallows and peanut butter ’cause that’s how I roll. I’m rebellious. And who can resist the tempting aroma of baked cookies and toasted marshmallows? Not I. Probably not even sweaty Becks. And therefore, not you.
It’s okay if pizza smells peanut butter-y for a change. It’s a good smell. Just hold the olives and bacon and remind yourself that, even though it smells like cookies and stuff, it’s technically pizza. But unlike a chow mein-y Beckham, it’ll smell really good and is uh, waaayy more drool-worthy.
So make it right now. What’s wrong with you!?
Cookie Pizza *adapted slightly from this recipe from Taste of Home
1/2 cup butter, softened slightly
1/2 heaping cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 & 1/2 cups AP flour
1/2 tsp kosher salt
2 cups miniature marshmallows
1 cup chopped Reese’s PB cups
1 cup milk chocolate chips
Sugar, for sprinkling
1. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F. Liberally grease a 12 inch pizza pan with cooking spray and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, cream the butter, peanut butter and sugars together with an electric mixer for about a minute, or until creamy. Beat in the egg and vanilla extract until combined. Stir in the flour & kosher salt until a stiff dough forms.
3. Gently press the dough into the pre-greased pizza pan in an even layer. If desired, roll a small crust; if not, crimp the edges (“crust”) with a fork that’s been lightly dusted with sugar.
4. Bake for approx. 10 minutes, then remove from the oven, top with the ingredients in an even layer, and return to the oven to bake for an additional 4-5 minutes or until the marshmallows are lightly toasted and the cookie is lightly golden. Cool slightly before cutting into slices. Best eaten immediately.
In case you didn’t register this before, this is a FREAKING COOKIE PIZZA. And it’s totally awesome. If you’re like me, you’ll probably eat a slice piping hot, burn all your taste buds and your fingertips, but love every ooey, gooey, steaming hot minute of it. Yeah buddy!
Have an awesome Tuesday!