A few days ago, I got a coupon in the mail for 30 Days for $30 of yoga at a studio around the corner.
It got me thinking: my non-workout-workout isn’t the greatest. I mean, I can’t have more muffin top than an actual muffin–that’d be disgraceful and not at all delicious.
So I thought, maybe I’ll give this a try. Why not? A dollar a day. No big.
I imagined myself doing sun salutations in a well-lit room wearing my new yoga pants and looking very trimmed and toned and yogi-esque and eating fresh salads and telling people I do yoga.
I thought of telling Jessie, “sorry, I can’t hang out tonight. I have yoga” and spending hours stretching my limbs into slim perfection, rewarding myself with a wheat grass shot after class and soon proclaiming I’m going on an all-organic diet.
But then I realized I’d probably be the girl in the back, struggling to hold downward dog for longer than 6 seconds and looking nothing like a Victoria’s Secret model in my PINK yoga pants.
And I don’t ever think I’ll try wheat grass. I’m not a farm animal; why would I eat grass? Um, duh.
Also, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is usually on and I’d way prefer to watch that with Jessie than stink up a room full of skinny moms with their butts in the air.
Needless to say, while I’m super duper intrigued by yoga, I really don’t know how well I’d be at it. And while that’s no excuse to avoid yoga (though I wish it was) I think it’s because I am scarred for yoga-life and this is why.
A looong time ago I dated this boy–we’ll call him Veg-Head–and he was super into yoga and eating organically and vegetarian and wore suits and had fancy taste in wine.
Well, one day, I asked him to teach me yoga. I figured I may as well use his yoga knowledge to whip myself into shape and thought it’d be fun to do yoga together.
It was about as fun as a dentist’s drill headed for my eye.
First, we laid out our blankets in the yard and began doing routine breathing exercises (how come I have to breathe different? Ugh) and then we began our yoga.
While we were doing random poses for five-count breaths (just so you know, five-count breaths are loooong) I spotted his cat frolicking in the flower bushes. The sight of this adorable black and white cat pawing at daisies and trying to bite at small bugs flying around was so freakin’ cute and I started to laugh. I pointed at the cat and made cutesy little noises at it to get its attention.
Meanwhile, Veg-Head glared at me.
“In yoga, we have to be quiet. It’s respectful.”
Oh. Um, sorry.
Then I spotted the neighbor’s dog peeking its cute little head through the fence. As usual, I squealed and did my excited “awh, baby!!” dog-voice whenever I see a cute dog. Veg-Head wouldn’t have it.
“Speaking is distracting in yoga. Focus on your breathing and being quiet.”
How about I focus on playing with that cute-ass pooch and eating and NOT DOING YOGA.
It was overrated. And I never did yoga again because I am NOT a quiet person and I do NOT do quiet things and excuse me, but I like my stretching with a heavy dose of laughing and listening to bad music and not focusing on my breathing.
Does anyone know of a rock ‘n roll yoga class? I’ll gladly sign up.
While I was weighing the pros and cons of signing up for this yoga class, I peeked in my pantry and spotted some sugar cookie mix I needed to use up but I didn’t want to make cookies.
Sugar cookie mix is pretty limited to a life of cookies, right? Not quite!
With another stick of butter and two more eggs, sugar cookies got a makeover into Sugar Cookie Bars. And the result is way fun and super yummy. Looks like Funfetti cake, but tastes like sugar cookies. Uhhhmazing.
1 pkg sugar cookie mix (like the Betty Crocker brand)
2 sticks butter, melted
1 cup sprinkles, divided into two half-cups
1 can vanilla frosting
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray the bottom and sides of a 9″ baking pan with cooking spray and set the pan aside.
2. In a large bowl, stir together the cookie mix, eggs and butter until combined and relatively smooth–a few lumps are okay. Stir in one half cup of the sprinkles until very lightly blended. Pour into prepared pan and bake for approximately 30-35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool completely in the pan, about an hour or two.
3. Once the bars are cooled, frost with the canned icing and top with the remaining sprinkles. Cut into squares and carefully lift from the pan with a fork or butter knife. Store airtight.
The sprinkles add a fun pop of color to the sugar cookies and I looove myself some frosted sugar cookies… these are no exception! Everyone thought I’d made Funfetti cake but were excited to learn it was actually sugar cookies. Yum.
Enjoy, and have a wonderful Monday!