I made you Eggnog Cookies.
Mostly because I gave eggnog the little chance it deserves and realized this would taste wonderful in a cookie, just like it did in a cupcake.
Well… I wanted to give some neighbors a treat.
Other neighbors lost their privilege long ago…
Wanna know the story? Okay.
So last year, I told all my neighbors to warn me if Mannie’s barking was too much. I went door to door, introduced myself and Mannie, and was super duper nice.
Then one day, my mom went over to one of our neighbor’s house. They have a daughter who goes to my little sister Chloe’s, school, in the same grade and everything. My mom wanted to ask the mom if she’d drive Chloe to school on rainy days since Chloe was reduced to walking the mile to school daily and wouldn’t have rides on rainy days.
Even though we’ve SEEN this lady (whom I’ll now refer to as DB or Dumb Beeyotch) drive her daughter to school every day the SAME TIME Chloe would arrive at school, she flat-out refused to drive my sister, even in the rain, and even when my mom offered to pay her for her help.
Why, you ask? Surely it has to be a good reason, right?
“I just don’t want to.”
Um… you suck.
As my mom was leaving, DB said, “oh, by the way, your dog is barking too much. And we’re going to call the county because he’s so disruptive and distracting to me and my husband.”
Excuse me? ‘Disruptive’… to you? All you do is sit on your fat butt all day and complain, then drive your boring daughter to and from school while you have the audacity to DRIVE BY my sister walking in the rain when you live all of ONE house away and we’re being disruptive?
Also, if your husband “works from home”, that’s his friggin’ problem, not mine. My dog barks during the legal barking hours, so if your husband needs to take his “important business call” and is “distracted” by my dog’s barking, he should mainline some Adderall and um, go to a Starbucks where he can “do business” (and maybe, maybe grow a pair… just sayin’).
So my mom informed me of my dog’s “excessive” barking and I tried my hardest to reduce this whenever possible, however I could without being flat-out cruel. I mean, helloooo he is a dog and I don’t know if y’all knew this, but dogs do bark (crazy, right?!) so I had to compromise somewhere.
Plus, it wasn’t like Mannie was yapping at 5am or anything. He would only bark in the daytime during normal hours, and only at annoying things like yard guys or the UPS man. A dog’s a dog, yo.
A few weeks later, it was Thanksgiving and I decided to be cheeky and slightly bitchy and “kill them with kindness” since my other option was illegal. I baked them a gorgeous, from-scratch pumpkin pie, dressed it with cinnamon-spiked whipped cream, and brought it over to them in the form of a “peace offering” from Mannie and I.
DB responded, “oh. Thanks” much like a piece of wet drywall would respond, if that wet drywall was perpetually moody. I smiled and walked away, feeling semi-satisfied for a job well done and for amending our little barking tiff… or so I thought.
Fast forward to June of this year when I was walking Mannie by their house and the creepy dad stopped me to say “thank you” for the Thanksgiving pie and to remind me just over 1,357 times that he “knows I’m trying” with Mannie and “knows a ‘dog’s a dog'” or something stupid like that. I said “okay” and “you’re welcome” and put on my nice face, then walked away.
But seriously I was like WTF why do these people suck so much? I am pretty sure they have a genetic problem that inhibits them from being awesome humans and instead annoying pieces of crap that exist only to be annoying pieces of crap.
AGAIN, I was polite and civil and understanding and everything I had to be in the face of this moron. And continued to do so as Mannie and I walked by day after day, often multiple times.
And then one random day, this family decided to channel their inner kindergartners and play the “Ignore Hayley” game.
The rules are simple: Any time Hayley walks by, ignore her by any means necessary.
Working on your fat son’s dumb-ass car and Hayley says hi (audibly) to you? Look at her in the eyes and ignore her.
Doing yardwork and spot Hayley with Mannie a few yards away? Lemme just run and hide in my backyard until she walks by (I’m serious).
Pulling into the driveway as Hayley’s approaching your house? QUICK, shut the garage door and pretend she doesn’t see you!
Stupid grandma that lives down the street walks by and Hayley smiles and says hello? Stupid grandma, keep on walkin’.
I only wish I was kidding.
So THAT, my friends, is how those neighbors were removed from my treat-giving list.
Can you tell I dislike them?
And the fact that they’re missing out on Eggnog Cookies is worse than all the junk I said about ’em. These are the bomb! So make them and give them to your awesome neighbors, because good neighbors are great!
1 box yellow cake mix
1/3 cup butter, melted
2 teaspoons rum extract
1 tsp nutmeg
1 Tbsp ground cinnamon + 1/3 cup sugar, mixed together in a small bowl
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease two cookie sheets with cooking spray, then blot excess spray with a paper towel; set aside.
2. In a large bowl, beat together the cake mix, butter, eggs, rum extract and nutmeg until blended and a thick but soft dough forms. Portion dough into rounded teaspoon-sized balls and drop into the cinnamon sugar mixture, tossing to coat. Place on the greased cookie sheets.
3. Bake for approx. 9-11 minutes, rotating sheets halfway through baking time to ensure even cooking, until the bottoms are lightly golden brown and the tops are set. Allow to cool on cookie sheets about 5 minutes, then gently remove to wire racks to cool completely. Store airtight.
The eggnog flavor here is subtle yet delicious, and they look so pretty and sparkly thanks to the cinnamon sugar on top. If you wanted to make these even richer, consider making an icing drizzle with powdered sugar and vanilla extract… mmm.
5 days… are you ready yet?!