LaShauna was my age and we hung out because our grandmas were friends. LaShauna and I had different interests in toys; hers erred on the side of horses and animal figurines, whereas mine were completely devoted to all things Barbie.
Whenever we’d play Barbies (because hello, when we’re at my house, we’re playing Barbies) LaShauna would grow tired of Barbie playing and break out her plastic horses. And I would wonder why the hell someone would want to play with a boring-ass plastic horse over Barbies.
Barbies have so many options–they can be doctors, professional shoppers, movie stars, super models, vets… You can dress them up, make them play house, and stage scenarios that children should not know about, like infidelity between Ken and Skipper or Kelly dolls having fist fights and murdering each other.
Horses do not have options but to pretend whinny and gallop in the air. That’s. About. It. Yawn. So I’d always ask my grandma to take LaShauna home early because her and her horses could not hold their own against my imagination and my crazy Barbie-playing obsessions.
LaShauna had a younger brother who happened to be my younger brother’s age (three years younger than me). And whenever my brother and I were invited to LaShauna’s birthday party, I noticed that, despite being LASHAUNA’S birthday, her little brother got a present, too.
I mean, WHAT THE HELL. It was LaShauna’s birthday. Her DAY OF BIRTH. Her right to receive ANY and EVERY present on that day of the year, and, if she was gracious (which she was), would hand out small party favors consisting of tops, yo-yos and Tootsie rolls. With the exception of these small favors, no one but the birthday person in question should be receiving full-fledged presents.
But nooooo. Someone would always buy LaShauna’s younger brother a Hot Wheels racing track set or some cool talking dinosaur action figure.
And I remember thinking, even as a mere child party-guest, that was not right. It was LaShauna’s birthday; not her pesky little brother’s. WHY THE EFF was he getting presents?!
Growing older, I’d continually notice this trend at other friends’ birthday parties. The younger brothers or sisters would also receive gifts from jolly old grandparents or aunts and uncles while their birthday-sibling had to sit and watch.
If my little brother got to open presents on MY birthday, hell would break loose. It’s my day, bitches. MINE. I did NOT put my mom through hours of pain-staking labor to be born on January 24 BY MYSELF to have to share it with some dumb younger sibling. They have their own day, dammit!
(You can see I have a **slight** problem with sharing. Blame it on my lack of going to kindergarten)
If there’s one thing (of many) I hate, it’s a self-entitled child, begging for a present when it isn’t their birthday.
Just consider me the birthday vigilante–always looking out for the birthday boy or girl, seeking justice for their being-spoiled privileges on this day every year.
(See those eyes? Those red eyes scream “BIRTHDAY VIGILANTIST”)
And thanks to my mom and dad, for never, ever buying my siblings presents on my birthday. Because of your neglect to acknowledge their existence on my day of birth, you made me a very happy girl… and fed my need to never, ever like sharing.
…Because I still hate it. Ask anyone. I hoard my stuff and never, ever share.
…And because I still love birthdays. Probably because I never had to share my glory with some undeserving, obnoxious kid.
I originally saw this post for Cake Batter Blondies on Girl Meets Life while perusing the world wide web for a cake batter fix. I was going to be a freakin’ genius and make cake batter cookies, but apparently they make funfetti cookie mixes now so obviously Pillsbury stole my thunder. That’s okay, because these are waaaaay better.
They’re ooey, gooey, and smothered with rainbow sprinkles and white chocolate chips in a cake-battery crust.
Oh, and did I forget to mention they’re smeared with a layer of pink cotton candy flavored frosting? How shameful of me to forget that detail…
Birthday Cake Blondies with Cotton Candy Frosting
1 box Funfetti cake mix (can substitute with white cake mix)
1/4 cup oil
1/3 cup milk
1/2 cup white chocolate chips
1/3 cup rainbow sprinkles (or more, if you’re addicted like me)
1 can vanilla frosting (can use homemade vanilla buttercream)
1 small capful Cotton Candy oil
2-3 drops pink food coloring
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease an 8×8 inch baking pan with cooking spray. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl, mix together cake mix, oil and egg until slightly combined. Slowly add milk, stirring after each addition, until a soft dough forms and the cake powder is absorbed. Stir in chocolate chips and rainbow sprinkles (make sure you reserve some sprinkles for the icing tops!)
3. Bake blondies for approximately 25-28 minutes or until the center is set and it’s a light golden brown color. The center may appear slightly gooey–that’s okay, they’ll finish cooking as they cool and they’re supposed to be chewy and gooey 🙂 Allow to cool completely in pan.
4. Scrape out vanilla frosting into a medium bowl. Add the capful of cotton candy oil and a couple drops of pink food coloring and mix together with a spoon. Spread frosting onto cooled blondies and sprinkle with remaining rainbow sprinkles. Store covered in fridge.
I wish it was my birthday, so I had an excuse to hoard the entire pan, eat them by myself in my bedroom while watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and swat people’s hands away when they attempt to sneak a square… but alas, it’s not my day so I must share.
…But I won’t tell if you make them, hoard them, and eat them, even if it isn’t your birthday, either. Just whatever you do, pretty please make them?
Happy unBirthday to you all! (or Happy Birthday to some of you!)