I have a bone to pick with adults.
I know I’m an adult, but seeing as I consider buying heels with American flags on them as a crucial investment, I’m not the most adult-y adult in the world. I’m talking about those tried-and-true adults. You have a house, a car, probably a family, a 401K, and are in the over-40 bracket. YOU guys.
So first of all, you guys are great. You’ve long made up for your dorky teenage ways, you’ve successfully navigated through the murky, awkward waters of your 20s, you hopefully lived up your 30s since I have heard rumors that your 30s rock, and are now coasting away from the fast lane toward the comfy middle zone of your 40s. Or maybe you’re in your 50s, or maybe just retired (in which case I am unapologetically jealous). Keep up the good adult-y work.
But like, I’m thinking that when you do reach that over 40-age, you guys get it in your head that playing the Age Game is appropriate again, and I have to wholeheartedly disagree.
You know when you were a kid and you had no filter and said silly things, like that time you went to pick your obviously-overweight aunt up from the airport and she said “come and gimme a hug!” and you shouted in your childish candor, “No! You’re fat!”
Or when you are curious about the ages of those around you and ask everyone how old they are and adults usually make a face and say ‘it isn’t nice to ask people their age’ and then they drop the subject for eternity? EXCEPT NOT, because they’ll end up asking you when they’re over 40 and you’ll be in THEEEE MOST awkward spot ever.
I don’t know if I have a giant sign on my forehead that says “Flattering Age Guesser” or not, but apparently I have been the person to ask about a stranger’s age. I was minding my own damn business getting groceries a few days ago when the chip distributor began chatting me up. He had asked how old I was and I didn’t bat an eye when I said “22.” I didn’t bother asking him how old he was because I figured this age question was a double-edged sword and also because I didn’t really care. But then he said, “How old do you think I am?!” and looked at me like I held the secrets to the universe in my hot pink head.
And it was then that I began crawling in a dark recess of my mind wondering HOW in the world I could appropriately answer this question without being A) an obvious liar by choosing an age too low, or B) a complete jerk for selecting an age too high.
So I chuckled and said, “it doesn’t matter — you look great!” but my flattering comeback did not satisfy the chip distributor and he grilled me again, “No, I wanna know–how old do you think I am?!” I tred to explain I was never very good at math and I grew up under a rock and didn’t know how to count over 22, so unfortunately I couldn’t even fathom a guess to his age, but he kept pestering me until I finally blurted, “35.”
35 seemed to satisfy the chip distributor, because he basically acted like I had given him a million dollars and began smiling like crazy before admitting he was turning 51 in September. Thinking I had escaped the crazy age game, later that day I went to get frozen yogurt when the yogurt shop lady insisted I guess her age, too. I wondered briefly if the universe was playing a cruel joke on me to test my graciousness, and so I blurted, “35.” The yogurt shop lady gave me three extra punches in my frequent-buyer card and replied, “I’m turning 49 this year.”
So the moral of the story is, tell people 40 and older that they look 35. It seems to shut them up just fine. Just make sure you don’t tell people 35 and younger that they look 35, or else you’ll kind of seem like a jerk. And that’s only okay to be a jerk when you’re a kid and calling out your aunt for being fat.
Anyway, adults seem to like adult-y things, namely coffee. And donuts. So for Ben & Jerry’s Week, I wanted to celebrate the 35 and under adult in all of us by making some coffee-flavored donuts based off Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Caramel Buzz ice cream flavor!
Coffee Caramel Buzz Donuts *donut base recipe adapted from Jocelyn’s Vanilla Chai Donuts recipe
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup honey
2/3 cup vanilla yogurt (can use plain)
1/3 cup strong-brewed coffee
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp malt powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups all-purpose flour
Caramel Glaze [recipe and ingredients follow]
Toffee bits (approx. 1 cup)
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Liberally grease a 4-cavity long john donut pan or a 6-cavity regular donut pan; set aside.
2. In a large bowl, sift together the baking soda, baking powder, malt powder, salt and flour. In a medium bowl, combine the butter, brown sugar and honey; beat together with an electric mixer until creamy. Add the egg, yogurt, coffee, and extract and carefully beat to combine. Gradually add the wet mixture to the flour mixture until a dough forms.
3. Pour the batter into a gallon-sized Ziploc baggy; seal out the air. Snip off a corner of the baggy and carefully pipe the batter into the greased donut cavities, about 2/3 full. Bake the donuts for approx. 10 minutes (in the long john pan) and approx. 11-12 minutes (in the regular donut pan). Allow the donuts to cool slightly in the pans, about 5 minutes, before carefully inverting them to a wire rack to cool completely. Bake any additional donut batter, if needed. Once donuts are baked & cooled, prepare your glaze.
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
About 2 cups powdered sugar*
1. In a small saucepan, melt the butter, brown sugar and vanilla together, stirring continuously. Bring the mixture to a rapid boil, constantly stirring, for 2-3 minutes or until darker in color. Remove from the heat and stir in the powdered sugar, about 1/2 cup at a time. Add more powdered sugar to thicken the glaze if need be*. The glaze shouldn’t be too runny but shouldn’t be as thick as icing, either.
2. Dip the tops of the donuts into the glaze, allowing excess to drip off. Repeat the dunk process one more time. Return the donuts to the wire rack and sprinkle immediately with toffee bits. Allow the glaze to set, about 10-15 minutes, before serving. These make about 6 long john donuts or about 8-10 regular donuts, and can be kept at room temperature for a couple days, stored airtight.
These donuts have a subtle, warm coffee aroma to their tender, moist crumb. The malt powder adds that unique flavor to the coffee which is strikingly similar to the ice cream! And can I just say I’m obsessed with the caramel glaze? Sinfully delicious! Perfect for any adult of any age
Stick around! I have some more awesome Ben & Jerry’s Week Recipes still to come!