The kids of today have the moms of my generation, and the moms of my generation are whack as hell. Let me explain.
There’s so much emphasis on pleasing your kid these days and making sure that every little crumb in their life is perfectly placed. Nothing’s out of sort, nothing’s out of place. Everyone’s a winner. And the holidays? Chiiiiilllld, it’s out of control.
Parents nowadays come up with such elaborate schemes for those creepy-ass elves around Christmastime, making purposeful messes(!!) and going through all sorts of lengths for a stuffed elf. Why did I not think of a stuffed elf? I could be a millionaire now.
And St. Patrick’s Day? I cannot tell you how many leprechaun traps I spotted on Instagram. Some moms lamented the fact that they’re “bad moms” because they didn’t create a freakin’ obstacle course for an invisible, nonexistent creature. And to that I say, eff. that. crap.
We need to stop forking over $20 bills for lost teeth. We need to stop constantly comparing ourselves to our kid’s friend’s mom who makes fun-shaped sandwiches every day, shuttles the kid to every practice on time, manages to look like she walked from an Anthropologie catalog and always looks fresh-faced with a green juice in hand and a ton of Pinterest-worthy schemes for the Elf at the ready. Because honestly? That mom doesn’t sleep, is frazzled, just put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge, and is probably thinking crack doesn’t sound half bad. Or, if you live near I do, she has a nanny who does all the dirty work. And we need to stop perusing Pinterest and thinking we’re lame or stupid or incompetent or lacking if we don’t automatically see a green beach pail and think it’d be a great bird feeder or whatever.
It’s totally cool to make holidays fun for kids, though we did… none of this stuff growing up. We didn’t have an elf. We didn’t have a leprechaun trap. And we certainly didn’t get $20 for a tooth – that was grocery money, y’all. We got a couple quarters if we were lucky, and that was damn lucky. But we did set cookies out for Santa, we did help decorate the house, decorate cookies or make crafts to hang. We did have imaginations and we did fun, creative things with our parents and grandparents. And it was good. I didn’t feel slighted when my parents handed me less than a Jackson for a chore. And I guarantee you my mom didn’t feel like an incompetent oaf when she didn’t coat the house in glitter in the name of a mythical elf.
I’m toooootally not saying you shouldn’t throw confetti everywhere and claim that a leprechaun did it and evaded your elaborate obstacle course. You should – if you want to. But if you don’t feel like paying $40 at Party City for plastic whistles and stale candy all for this creature, you certainly shouldn’t. There’s another mom out there who is doing it, and there’s a very good — not certain, but very good — chance she’s doing it to compensate for something else. Maybe for spending more money shopping at Anthropologie than actually talking to her kids, or maybe because she is insecure about being compared to other moms.
But I guarantee you ladies that your 8-year olds aren’t going to school and saying, “God, why is my mom such a freakin’ ne’er-do-well? I asked for coarse glitter at the store and she gets fine glitter. And last night, she forced me to bathe. I hate her!’ More like, they aren’t even talking about you, or they are probably defending you. ‘Oh yeah? Well my mom makes better spaghetti. Yes huh!!” Kids don’t do much with putting down their parents, unless you’re a total loser, then I can’t help you and you should probably stop being an a-hole to your kid.
So this Easter, when your kid’s friend’s pretentious mom with the $500 highlights claims over green juice at Whole Foods that she’s going to fill organic plastic Easter eggs with $50 bills for her kids Tippy and Chip, you can just roll your eyes and say you’ll be giving your kiddos dollar-store jelly beans and actually spending time with them, which is really all they could ever want. And then make your friend pay for your green juice, because juices at Whole Foods are pricey as hell and she definitely has money to waste.
ANYWAY. Enough ranting, right? I’m not even a mother. Talk about highly unqualified.
So these brownie bites — Cadbury Creme Egg Brownie Bites, to be precise. And they’re a doozy. Full of Cadbury Creme Egg goodness in every bite, thanks to the sweet stuff nestled deep in the middle of the chewy, fudgy brownie. The frosting is a thick, sky-high bite of vanilla buttercream — sweet, easy, and delicious, and swirled with white and yellow goodness to mimic the interior of that famed Easter candy.
*inspired by Jenn’s recipe at Deliciously Sprinkled
- 1 box chocolate cake mix
- 1 egg
- ½ cup oil
- 24 Cadbury Creme Mini Eggs, unwrapped
- ¾ cup butter, softened to room temperature
- 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
- About ¼ cup milk or heavy cream
- 2-3 cups powdered sugar
- Yellow food coloring
- Easter-themed sprinkles, optional but recommended
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 24-cavity miniature muffin pan with cooking spray and set aside. In a large bowl, combine the cake mix, egg and oil until a soft dough has formed.
- Spoon rounded Tablespoonfuls of dough into each greased muffin cup; gently press down with your fingers. Bake for approx. 10-14 minutes or until the tops appear set and the edges are light golden brown. Allow the cups to cool in the pan for about 5 minutes. Then using the handle of a wooden spoon, make an indentation in the center of the brownie cup. Place a Cadbury Creme Mini Egg inside. Allow the brownie cups to cool before gently popping them out of the muffin cups. If needed, run the tip of a butter knife around the edges to help ease them out.
- Once brownie cups have cooled, make your frosting. In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream together the butter and vanilla on medium speed for about 2 minutes, or until light and fluffy. Add in the powdered sugar, about a cup at a time, until frosting is light and fluffy. If needed, add in the cream/milk to help thin it out if it's too thick. Spoon about half of the mixture into a separate bowl and add the yellow food coloring, tinting to your desired shade.
- Spoon the yellow frosting on one side and the white on the opposite side of a large, disposable piping bag attached with a large, open-star tip. Pipe high onto cooled brownie bites. Garnish with sprinkles. Serve immediately, or store leftovers airtight at room temperature for a couple days.
These are way sweet, but totally awesome. If you don’t like Cadbury Creme Eggs, feel free to substitute with Cadbury Caramel Eggs or Cadbury Chocolate Eggs for a different flavor!