Apple Fritter Blondies {Apple Fritter Week!!}

applefritterblondiesBlondies. Is there anything they can’t do?

Okay, maybe there are some things. But mostly, they’re my favorite food and are perfect in my eyes. Salty, sweet, brown-sugary. Buttery. Chewy. Fan-freaking-tastic. And these blondies in particular are even cooler than your standard blondie since they’re studded with soft, tender caramelized apples and topped with a crunchy apple cider glaze.

In short: they’re my new favorite. And they’re pretty irresistible.

#AppleFritterWeek has now come to a close and I couldn’t think of a better, apple-frittery recipe to close it off on a high note than these blondies. And assuming you race home and try them ASAP, I think you’ll agree!

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5.0 from 1 reviews
Apple Fritter Blondies {Apple Fritter Week!!}
Author: 
Recipe type: Blondies, Bars
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 15
 
Soft and chewy brown sugary blondies are loaded up with tender, caramelized apples for an Apple Fritter Blondie that's sure to impress!
Ingredients
  • 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted, plus 2 Tbsp
  • 2 cups dark brown sugar, plus ¼ cup
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 tsp cinnamon
  • Pinch nutmeg
  • Pinch salt
  • 2-3 smaller Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and chopped into bite-sized pieces
  • 2 cups powdered sugar
  • 2-3 Tbsp apple cider
  • Splash hot water
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 13x9" baking dish with cooking spray and set aside. Meanwhile, heat a medium skillet over medium heat. Toss in the 2 Tbsp butter, ¼ cup brown sugar, 1 tsp cinnamon and the apples and saute for about 2-3 minutes or until tender, but not quite soft. Set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter and brown sugar. Gently stream in the eggs, whisking constantly so as not to scramble them, and the vanilla. Stir in the baking soda, flour, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg until a soft batter has formed. Fold in the apples and their juices.
  3. Spread the mixture evenly into the prepared pan and bake for approx. 20-25 minutes or until the top is golden and appears set. Do not over-bake past the 25-minute mark as the bars will continue to cook as they cool. Cool the bars completely before glazing.
  4. To make the glaze, in a small bowl combine the powdered sugar, hot water and apple cider until glaze is pourable. Pour over the top of the blondies and allow it to set before cutting into squares.

DSC_0910ASigh. And they say nothing’s perfect :)

I hope you guys have enjoyed Apple Fritter Week as much as I have!! Thanks so much, and have a great weekend!! <3

xo, Hayley

Brown Butter Blondies {A Guest Post from Crazy For Crust!}

Howdy, peeps!  Naked Cowboy and I are going to run off together and leave the busy city lights of Times Square behind to have hippie cowkids.  Just kidding — kind of.

Today I’m excited to introduce you to someone you probably already know pretty well.  Her name is Dorothy and she blogs over at Crazy For Crust.  I know I’ve told this story approximately 731 times, but for the 732nd, Dorothy is my neighbor back home in California and we frequently get into shenanigans together.  I tried packing her on my carry-on and TSA was like, “ma’am, I’m sorry but you cannot transport humans onto the cargo of the plane.” It was depressing.  Anyway, be sure to check out Dorothy’s blog because she constantly makes delicious concoctions like these Brownie Gooey Bars (seriously gooey) and these Peanut Butter Butterfinger Blondies, which are a lot like some donuts we had in San Jose a couple months back.

So let’s roll out the yummy pie crust carpet for Dorothy!!
Brown Butter Blondies (1 of 3)Hello Domestic Rebelers! I’m Dorothy from Crazy for Crust. I’m filling in for Hayley today while she whoops it up in NYC and I’m so super jealous. I mean – Hayley is my neighbor. She lives about 3 blocks from me. Where was my NYC invite? Hmmmmmmm Hayley???

Anyway, like I said, Hayley lives super close to me. The funny thing? We met through blogging and only by chance realized we lived near each other. This is funny because whenever I go on a walk or talk to any of my neighbors they say “Oh! I know your friend. That girl with that tattoos and the three-legged dog?”

So obviously everyone else in the world knew where Hayley lived, except me. I’m obviously a very observant person.

You know what I am observant about? Dessert. I’m all over dessert. It’s kind of what I do – my blog is a baking blog served with a slice of my life, which means I post dessert recipes and talk too much.

I’m bringing you my favorite blondie recipe today. I’ve used this blondie in several recipes but my favorite are the Caramel Crunch Blondies. Those have crunch bars and caramels. These? These have Reese’s Pieces.

Peanut Butter + Blondies = best dessert recipe ever.

The only difference between my normal blondie recipe and this one is that I use brown butter. (Or is it browned butter? I never know.) If you don’t know what brown butter is, here’s the scoop: it’s butter that you melt and cook over low heat until it turns brown. Browning it gives the butter a richer, nuttier taste with much more depth than just plain old regular melted butter. That, in turn, gives the blondies a more toffee-like and richer flavor than regular. That, again, is a win.

If you’ve never browned butter before and aren’t sure how to do it, no worries. I wrote a post on how to brown butter. It’s really easy to do. I love using it in brownies, cookies, cakes, frosting – you name it! You must try it.

And, well, try these too. You can sob over them that you’re not in NYC with Hayley. I know I am. :)

Brown Butter Blondies (3 of 3)Enjoy! Thanks for having me Hayley! xoxo

5.0 from 1 reviews
Brown Butter Blondies {A Guest Post from Crazy For Crust!}
Author: 
Recipe type: Blondies, Bars
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 24
 
If you've never browned butter before, you MUST try it -- it gives desserts a wonderful caramelly, nutty depth of flavor -- and these Brown Butter Blondies from Dorothy at Crazy For Crust are no exception! A must-make!
Ingredients
  • ½ cup butter
  • 2 cups packed brown sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1¾ cups mix ins (chocolate chips, Reese’s Pieces, chopped candy, M&Ms…)
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a 9x13” pan with foil and spray with cooking spray (or just grease it, the foil is for easy removal).
  2. Slice butter into thin slices and place in a heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium-low heat. Melt, stirring often, until it browns. It will foam up and while you’re stirring you’ll notice the butter has turned a dark amber color. Do not walk away from the pan, it burns easily! Remove from heat. Cool 5 minutes.
  3. Place brown butter and brown sugar in a large bowl. Stir to combine using a wooden spoon or a spatula. (You can also use a mixer, but it’s not needed.) Stir in eggs, one at a time, then vanilla extract, salt, and baking powder. Carefully stir in flour.
  4. Add 1 cup of mix-ins. You can use anything you like: chocolate chips, chopped candy, M&M’s, etc. I used semi-sweet chocolate chips.
  5. Press dough into prepared pan. The dough is thick and sticky, so spray your hands with cooking spray to avoid it sticking to you.
  6. Add ¾ cup of remaining mix-ins to the top and lightly press to adhere. I used Reese’s Pieces, but you can use whatever you like (M&Ms would also be pretty).
  7. Bake for 22-28 minutes, until just lightly golden around the edges. It will still be doughy looking in the center. They will finish cooking in the pan - you want them underdone when you remove them from the oven. Cool before slicing. Store in an airtight container up to 1 week or freeze for up to 3 months.

Enjoy!

Brown Butter Blondies (2 of 3)

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Be sure to check out Crazy For Crust for more delicious recipes, and please give her a follow and like on her social channels above! :)

Have a buttery Monday!

xo, Hayley

Dark Chocolate Cranberry Bliss Blondie Bars #LoveDoveFruits

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #CollectiveBias #LoveDoveFruits

darkchoccranberryblissOne of my favorite flavor combinations has to be fruit + chocolate.

Just think about it: bananas & chocolate.  Raspberry & chocolate.  Lemon & white chocolate.  Strawberries & dark chocolate.  So many options, people!  It’s impossible to resist chocolate covered fruit — one, because it’s fruit which makes it healthy, and two, because chocolate.

But in all seriousness — fruit and dark chocolate are both really good for you.  Dark chocolate has antioxidants and other magical powers, and fruit boasts tons of nutrients.  Combined together, you have a delicious, better-for-you treat that you can feel good about indulging in :)

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doveeSo when I spotted new Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry at Sam’s Club, I knew I wanted to snack senselessly on it and create something with it.  Each juicy, plump cranberry is surrounded by a luscious layer of dark chocolate.  They’re perfectly poppable, seriously delicious and taste so rich & indulgent, but are actually a decently nutritious, on-the-go snack.  (Plus, they’re at Sam’s Club so they conveniently came in a super-sized bag — more snacking for me! Yay!)

And in case you didn’t know, cranberry + dark chocolate will soon become your new favorite fruit + chocolate pairing.  The tartness of the berries and the smooth richness of the chocolate make for an addictive snack.  And in addition to a delish snack?  These Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry bites make for a great star in these Dark Chocolate Cranberry Bliss Blondie Bars.  

DSC_1007AYou’ve had those Starbucks Cranberry Bliss bars, right?  They usually pop up around the holiday season, but I happen to think cranberries are delightful year-round and I tend to get hankerings often, so I make them throughout the seasons.  These bars are very similar to the Starbucks version, but instead of regular cranberries, they’re filled and topped with chopped Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry.  The result is a soft and chewy brown-sugary blondie filled with juicy chocolate-covered cranberries and white chocolate chips, then topped with a seriously yummy cream cheese icing, more tart chocolate-covered cranberries and some extra dried cranberries to amp up that sweet-tart flavor.

In other words?  They’re simply awesome.  And the Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry has very limited availability in Sam’s Club stores, so you have to track down a bag (or four) and stock up!  And um: blondies filled with chocolate-covered cranberries.  Need I say more?!

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5.0 from 3 reviews
Dark Chocolate Cranberry Bliss Blondie Bars #LoveDoveFruits
Author: 
Recipe type: Bars
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 16
 
These copycat Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bars have a delicious twist, using Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry to add some scrumptious, better-for-you chocolate-covered cranberries to the mix. You won't be able to stop at one!
Ingredients
  • 2 sticks butter, melted
  • 2 cups brown sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 & ¾ cups Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry, roughly chopped & divided
  • ¾ cup white chocolate chips
  • FOR FROSTING & TOPPING
  • 4 oz (1/2 pkg) cream cheese, room temperature
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 pkg white chocolate chips
  • 2 cups powdered sugar
  • ½ cup dried cranberries
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 13x9" baking pan with cooking spray; set aside.
  2. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, combine the melted butter and brown sugar together with a spoon. Stir in the eggs + vanilla extract to combine. Add in the flour, baking soda and salt until a batter comes together. Stir in ¾ cup of the chopped Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry and the ¾ cup of white chocolate chips. Spread the mixture into the prepared pan.
  3. Bake for approx. 20-25 minutes or until golden brown and just about set in the center. Cool the bars completely.
  4. To prepare the frosting, melt the remaining package of white chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl on HIGH heat for 30 seconds; stir until smooth. Remove about ¼th of the white chocolate to a smaller bowl; set aside. To the remaining melted white chocolate, add in the cream cheese, vanilla and powdered sugar and beat with an electric mixer for about a minute or until fluffy and soft.
  5. Spread the frosting on top of the blondies in an even layer. Immediately top with the remaining chopped Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry pieces and the dried cranberries. Gently press the toppings into the frosting. Take the remaining reserved white chocolate and drizzle it on top for a garnish. Allow the bars to set for about 20 minutes before cutting into squares (or triangles, like I did). Serve!

DSC_0003ACreamy, chewy, sweet, tart and absolutely delicious — the Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry is undeniably the star here in these indulgent blondie bars!  The dark chocolate adds a depth of creamy richness to the brown sugary blondies, and the juicy, fresh cranberries inside add that pop of brightness and a slight tartness which offsets that sweetness beautifully.  Combined with the slight tang of the cream cheese icing and the chewiness of the dried cranberries sprinkled on top, these bars offer amazing flavor and texture — and are gorgeous to boot!

Be sure to pick up your own bag of Dove® Fruit Whole Cranberry at your nearest Sam’s Club store — and remember, they’re only available for a limited time!  In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for Dove® Fruit Whole Cherry, which hits stores soon (um, chocolate + cherry = yes please).  Thanks for indulging with me today!!

Have a scrumptious day!!

xo, Hayley

Milky Way Galaxy Blondies #EatMoreBites #CollectiveBias

I am a member of the Collective Bias®  Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser.

milkywayblondieIf you’ve been reading this blog long enough, you know that I’m not the biggest chocoholic in the world.  In fact, if given the choice, I consistently choose vanilla over chocolate every time.  So typically when it comes to candy, I usually stick with something simple like Red Vines or gummies — maybe an Almond Joy if I’m feeling feisty :) but when MARS introduced their Milky Way Simply Caramel candy bars, I was hooked.

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EATMOREBITES1(Can you spy the Simply Caramel Bites?!  While this recipe focuses on the Simply Caramel Bites, using Snickers would be an awesome swap, too!)

Extra caramel?  Sign. Me. Up.

milkySo when I partnered with MARS and Collective Bias for this shoppertunity I knew I had to create something totally swoonworthy with their new MILKY WAY® Simply Caramel Bites!  If you haven’t been down the baking aisle of Walmart recently, I strongly encourage you to take a gander.  Gone are the days of chopping up gooey candy bars for recipes or garnishes — MARS Bites makes it easy to add bite-sized morsels of your favorite candy bars to any dish with ease.  No chopping, no unwrapping, no fuss.  Just miniature, bite-sized pieces of your favorites ready to bake, garnish, or eat with abandon.  Your choice!

DSC_0697ABut today’s star of the show has to be the MILKY WAY® Simply Caramel Bites.  There’s something so irresistible about bite-sized pieces of chocolate that’s been smothered in smooth, buttery caramel.  Pair that with caramely, brown sugar laden blondies drizzled with more salty caramel, as well as peanut butter chips and bits of honey roasted peanuts, and you have blondies that are pretty close to being out of this galaxy.

Get to baking!!

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4.8 from 4 reviews
Milky Way Galaxy Blondies #EatMoreBites #CollectiveBias
Author: 
Recipe type: Blondies, Bars
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 9
 
These blondies are stuffed with tons of caramely goodness, thanks in part to the irresistible MILKY WAY® Simply Caramel Bites inside every bite!
Ingredients
  • 2 sticks butter, melted
  • 2 cups light brown sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 1 bag MILKY WAY® Simply Caramel Bites
  • ½ cup honey roasted peanuts, roughly chopped
  • ½ cup peanut butter chips
  • ½ cup caramel sauce (like sundae sauce)
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line an 8x8" baking pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. Lightly mist the foil with cooking spray and set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, combine the melted butter and the brown sugar with a fork until combined. Whisk in the eggs and vanilla to blend. Gradually add the flour, baking soda and salt until a soft dough forms.
  3. Press half of the dough evenly into bottom of the pan. Sprinkle evenly with the MILKY WAY® Simply Caramel Bites, honey roasted peanuts and peanut butter chips. Drizzle evenly with the caramel sauce.
  4. Drop remaining dough on top of the filled layer, trying to cover the caramel up as best as you can. Some patches may show through, but try your best to cover the middle layer completely. Bake the blondies for about 25-30 minutes or until the top is lightly golden and center is almost set. The center may appear undone; this is okay as it will continue to set up as it cools. Cool the blondies completely before cutting into squares.

DSC_0704ABe sure to snag one of these MILKY WAY® Simply Caramel Bites coupons so you can make these irresistible blondies — or at least have a decent midnight snack ;) You can save $0.75 off two small bags or $3 off two larger bags.

MARS_Bites_CouponThanks to #CollectiveBias for this awesome #EatMoreBites campaign!  I know you’ll flip for these sweet, salty, buttery and GOOEY blondies.  I sure did!!

Have a fantastical day!!

xo, Hayley

Birthday Cake Blondie Bombs

birthdaycakebombsI may have just turned 23, but I feel like I am 90.

Yesterday I took my sister to a concert and had to stand in line for two hours with a bunch of teenagers with thick black eyeliner and who swore gratuitously.  Now, I am an eyeliner-lovin’ fool and I have a mouth like a sailor, but I guess when you’re 15 (and it’s true) you will wear and swear as much as humanly possible when you aren’t near your parents.  And apparently wear some questionable clothes that even the most seasoned lady of the night may balk at.  But I digress.

While standing in line I had to hear an abundance of lame stories about typical teenage drama mixed with seventeen year olds walking up and down the line asking everyone if they could “bum a smoke” in that scratchy, jaded-teenager voice.  Everyone — even if they tried so hard to hide it — looked super excited to see the bands and I had a weird flashback of when I was seventeen and enjoyed going to concerts, staying out late and wearing fifty pounds of eyeliner for fun.

Now my idea of fun is totally boring to the average human who doesn’t want to spend the rest of their life watching Criminal Minds reruns on Ion Television (but if that is your idea of fun, call me *wink*).  I don’t do clubs because they’re too loud, too crowded and too swarmed with men who spend more time getting ready than I do.  Also, clubs remind me of Jersey Shore which reminds me that being in the same vicinity of people like that will probably up my chances of dying of a fatal case of herpes by 26.

I also dislike the movies for multiple reasons, mainly because my rage bubbles over like a fountain of hatred when I hear people talking during the film, and because going to the movies has to be the lamest date ever.  I mean, how am I supposed to get to know someone if we’re silent for two hours?  My only judgment is basically based on what kind of candy they choose and wow, he is willing to donate his right lung for a box of stale Sour Patch Kids? 

And then there’s the adventure-seeking kinda places like Lazer Tag and Mini Golf.  I would totally do that except for the fact that spending time with a bunch of 11 year old boys running around in glow-in-the-dark hunting gear isn’t usually my idea of a fun time, and also because there’s this really scary miniature golf course by my house that I’m pretty sure houses homeless people, nuclear weaponry, or at least some roadkill carcasses.  I think it was built shortly before the war of 1812 because the last time I was there, I swung a normal golf-y swing at my ball and it created a 6-foot fissure along that course into the scary Hansel-and-Gretel-looking mini house that ate our balls (ha, ha) and never returned them.   Also because the prizes in the arcade were weird things like a jack in the box which hasn’t been the top toy since approximately 1900.

So I bet you’re wondering ‘well, what does this old hag like to do for “fun” since she seems to avoid all things pleasant like the bubonic plague.”  And to that I say: Criminal Minds marathons.  Making huuuuuuge cups of sprinkle-infested frozen yogurt.  Nature walks.  Smothering animals with kisses and baby noises.  Food — OBVIOUSLY.  And I’m not a total crust because I also love to bowl.  I don’t know why, but whenever the prospect of bowling is involved I get super jazzed.  Like, “OMG WE’RE GOING BOWLING?! YESS!!! CAN WE DO UNLIMITED GAMES?! CAN WE STAY FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS?!” like I’ve never been to a bowling alley before.  And usually bowling alleys are filled with homeless people, 11 year olds and probably nuclear weaponry, because no one would suspect nukes hiding underneath some dilapidated snack bar that serves cold chili cheese fries to people clearly tweaking on some kind of illegal substance.  It’s the perfect place!!

DSC_0393AAnyway, I also enjoy celebrating being alive [sometimes] in a world that consists of haunted golf courses and teenage boys wearing more eyeliner than your standard drag queen.  And the perfect way to celebrate life as we know it is by stuffing face senselessly with some Birthday Cake Blondie Bombs!  What in the world is this concoction?  Bassssically the best thing ever, but if that doesn’t clear it up for you: it’s a cake pop smothered in a chewy blondie, then coated in white chocolate and plenty of sprinkles, aka, the best thing ever.  This is for all you party people (and poopers!) because this bomb doesn’t discriminate — it’s fun and tasty for everyone!

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5.0 from 4 reviews
Birthday Cake Blondie Bombs
Author: 
Recipe type: Brownie Bombs
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 12
 
Cake or frosting? Why choose when you can have this adorable Birthday Cake Blondie Bomb?! A yummy cake pop stuffed inside of a chewy blondie, then coated in white chocolate and plenty of sprinkles. Every day is a reason to celebrate!
Ingredients
  • 2 sticks butter, melted
  • 2 cups brown sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 12 cake balls/cake pops, prepared (you can make your own of course, or you can buy premade cake pops/cake balls. I found some frozen vanilla cake balls at Walmart and used these)
  • 1 pkg Vanilla Candiquik
  • Sprinkles
Instructions
  1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 13x9" baking pan with cooking spray and set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, stir together the melted butter and brown sugar until combined. Stir in the eggs, one at a time, followed by the vanilla extract until combined. Lastly, gradually add the flour, baking soda and salt until a soft dough forms.
  3. Spread the dough evenly into the prepared pan and bake for approx. 20 minutes or until the edges begin to slightly pull away from the pan and the center is light brown and appears set. Cool completely.
  4. Cut the blondies into about 1-2" squares and flatten them with the heel of your hand carefully. Wrap each blondie around a cake pop and roll it in your hands to help seal the blondie around the cake pop, pinching any gaps to seal. Place the blondie bombs onto a foil-lined baking sheet. Repeat with remaining cake pops/blondies. You should have 12 bombs with some remaining blondies to eat -- yay!
  5. Freeze the blondie bombs for about 30 minutes to set. While the bombs are setting, melt the Candiquik per package directions. Dip the bombs into the white chocolate allowing excess to drip off. Immediately sprinkle with jimmies, if you'd like. Serve!

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DSC_0411AIf you love birthday cake, these are officially your new favorite brownie bombs!  Soft, moist cake pops rolled into chewy, brown-sugary blondies and coated in creamy white chocolate — it tastes just like cake in a delectable, adorable brownie bomb form!  I love that this recipe calls for prepared cake pops because that makes these so much easier to whip up than making your own cake pops.  There’s nothing I loathe more than all the baking, crumbling, mixing and rolling, so using something prepared and ready to jazz up makes this recipe come together in a snap!  Plus, the homemade blondie recipe is stunningly delicious.  You guys will love it and be so glad there’s a few leftover squares :)

Want more bomb-diggity Brownie Bomb recipes?  Look no further!  I am the original creator of these tasty, unique treats!

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Brownie Bombs
Funfetti Cake Batter Cookie Dough Brownie Bombs
S’Mores Cookie Dough Brownie Bombs
Raspberry Pie Brownie Bombs

And for more Brownie Bomb recipes, navigate to the top of my page, hover over “Recipe Index” and select “Brownie Bombs.”

Have a fantastical day!!

xo, Hayley

White Chocolate Snickers Blondie Bites

whsnickersSooooooooo remember that time when you nearly got yourself arrested in a case of mistaken identity?  Me too.

It all started when I was driving home from a doctor’s appointment.  To get home, I pass a very busy park — always swarming with kiddie soccer games, moms’ pushing strollers and the like.  It also happens to be near Dorothy’s house.  Remember?  We’re neighbors :)

Anywhooo, as I drove by I happened to notice a familiar face: the distinct face of Dorothy’s dog, Ginger.  If you don’t know, Ginger is a hugely fluffy Golden Retriever with an adorable white face and a little white spot on her eyeball — a birthmark that makes her stand out.  And her face is naturally curved into a smile, making her noticeable in a pack of doggies.  However, Ginger was being walked by some young girl, probably fourteen, whom I figured was maybe Dorothy’s neighbor or a dog-walker or something — not uncommon to see in my ‘hood.

So we’re on the same page, here is a photo of Ginger:


And here is a picture of the dog I saw being walked by a fourteen year old in our neighborhood:

So naturally, I do what any 22 year old would do in this situation.  I rolled down my car window and shouted “GINGER!!!” at the top of my lungs.  The girl jerked her head up and stared at me like a newborn deer in headlights.  I waved frantically as the girl and dog stared at me, clearly petrified out of their freakin’ skulls.  So, like anyone would do in this situation, I continued to shout, “Hi Ginger!!” and wave like a freaking tool.

After a few seconds of the girl briskly walking away like a bat out of hell, my mind quickly informed me that I needed to explain this awkward situation.  So, like anyone would do under these circumstances of frightening a young child on the side of the road in front of a busy park of people staring at me, I shouted back, “it’s okay, I’m Dorothy’s friend!” and drove off.

It wasn’t until I was a few yards down the road did I realize OH MY GOD WHAT THE EFF DID I JUST DO?

I felt my face go inferno-status as I drove home and immediately after parking I sent Dorothy a huge text saying, “Please apologize to that girl walking Ginger… I’m afraid I frightened her when I drove by and said hi to Ginger!  She looked at me super weird and I told her I was your friend.”

To which Dorothy responded… “Ginger is home.  She hasn’t been out for a walk in a few days.”

………………………… Uhhhhhhh, beg your pardon?  A baking powder?  WHAT THE EFF DID YOU JUST SAY?!

So baaaaasically I petrified a young child walking her family dog after screaming a strange name repeatedly at said dog, then justified my behavior by telling the terrified child that “it’s okay, I know this person you don’t know” and abruptly sped off.  All of this wouldn’t have happened had Dorothy just hired a freaking dog walker!  Or, um, if I wasn’t a total freaking PSYCHO.

Like I said, a case of mistaken identity gone awry.  Kiiiinda like these blondie bites, except there’s nothing terrifying about these delicious nibbles.  <–also, I promise never to say ‘nibbles’ again.

DSC_0165ASince my Snickers Brownie Bites have been so popular [one of my top recipes of 2013!] I decided to change them up a bit with a white chocolate/brown sugary twist.  Thus, these White Chocolate Snickers Blondie Bites were born and ermahgerd, they’re life-changing.

Snickers aren’t my favorite because of the chocolate.  I don’t like chocolate nearly as much as I prefer vanilla, and blondies trump brownies any day of the week.  So making these slight tweaks took those chewy, fudgy brownie bites to a whole new level of sweet, salty awesomeness.  Dare I say, I like them better than their original counterpart!

DSC_0162AAnd I think you will, too.  This is one imposter you won’t mind!

DSC_0173A*blondie recipe adapted from Averie’s Cranberry Bliss Bars

5.0 from 2 reviews
White Chocolate Snickers Blondie Bites
Author: 
Recipe type: Blondies
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 24
 
If you love Snickers, you'll enjoy this fun, "lighter" spin on the classic candy bars! A chewy, brown sugary blondie topped with classic Snickers filling-- a peanut butter nougat, a smooth caramel and peanuts -- then topped with white chocolate. These will soon be a new favorite!
Ingredients
  • 2 sticks butter
  • 2 cups light brown sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp salt
  • ½ cup creamy peanut butter
  • 1 (7 oz) jar marshmallow fluff/creme
  • 1 pkg Kraft Caramel Bits
  • ½ cup unsalted peanuts, roughly chopped
  • 1 pkg white chocolate Candiquik
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 13x9" baking pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. Mist the foil lightly with cooking spray and set aside.
  2. In a large microwaveable bowl, melt the butter -- about 1-1 & ½ minutes. Let the butter cool for a minute or two, then stir in the brown sugar, whisking it together to combine with a fork or rubber spatula.
  3. Add the eggs and vanilla and whisk to combine. Lastly, stir in the flour, baking soda, and salt until a thick batter forms. Spread the batter evenly into the prepared pan and bake for approx. 20 minutes or until the edges begin to pull away from the pan slightly and the top is set and golden brown. Cool completely.
  4. In a medium bowl, fold together the peanut butter and marshmallow fluff until combined and consistent. Spread the mixture evenly onto the surface of the blondies. This is best done with a very well greased rubber spatula or off-set spatula.
  5. Meanwhile, in a microwaveable bowl, melt the caramel bits according to package directions. I like to stir in a little milk to keep things smooth during the melting process. Once the caramel is smooth & melted, pour it evenly over the marshmallow layer, spreading as close to the edges as you can.
  6. Immediately after spreading the caramel, sprinkle on the peanuts. Press the peanuts gently into the caramel with your hand or a rubber spatula to help them stick. Let the bars sit for about 20 minutes for the ingredients to set and the caramel to cool.
  7. Once set, cut the bars into 1" size squares. After cutting, melt the Candiquik according to package directions until smooth & melted. Dip the tops of the Snickers bars into the white chocolate, allowing excess to drip off. Place the blondie bites onto a wax-paper lined wire rack to set. Serve!

DSC_0170AThese are easily one of my new favorite recipes!  I LOVE the chewy, aromatic brown sugar & vanilla blondie base.  It pairs so well with the sweet and salty marshmallow “nougat” and the layers of smooth, buttery caramel.  These bars are totally for those who enjoy different textures — gooey, sticky, chewy, crunchy .. they have it all & then some.  A definite must-try for any Snickers fans, blondie fans… well, anyone :)

Have a delicious day!

xo, Hayley

Pecan Pie Blondies

pecanpieblondiesYou know those hella dumb horror movies on the Sci-Fi channel?  The ones with predators like sharknados and pirahnacondas?  And you watch it in the safety of your own home thinking, these movies are so stupid!  Who would believe that there would be a tornado full of blood-thirsty sharks?!

Well to that I would have to say — have you ever had a manager that was reminiscent of a rabid naked mole rat?  Because I have.  And dude, it would be the PERFECT scary movie.  Because while you’re living it, you’re like “OMG, this sucks, my manager is a legitimate mole rat” but when you’re fired (aka, you’ve escaped from the rabid naked mole rat’s evil powers), you’re like “wow, that was stupid.  I’m so glad I was not born with her face” and you continue to live your life happily and rat-free.

Just picture this: an office full of innocent employees, constantly tapping away at their computers for a government website that does not work 99% of the time, thus forcing said employees to do other miscellaneous work/talk about sugar daddy websites/make fun of supervisor’s garish tops.  Everything is dandy until… NAKED MOLE RAT EMERGES.  Naked Mole Rat, aka Swamp Witch (because she looks like a creature from a swamp out of the hairy armpits of hell), begins skulking toward your unit.  QUICK!  Take cover in your cubicle!

Swamp Witch hovers over your desk and makes some condescending, backhanded comment about your sweater and how it’s “bright.”  You sit there staring blankly back at her, wishing you could torch every scraggly hair on her Cousin It head.  Thankfully, Swamp Witch is allergic to fashionable attire, genuinely nice people and reality, so when you mention the website is down in a polite voice while wearing your awesome vintage Betsey Johnson pterodactyl sweater, she begins to shrivel up (…oh wait, that’s just the way her face naturally looks…) and disappears down the hallway into her crusty office.

There, she devises plans to make our unit miserable.  She cackles over her keyboard and sends us no less than 53412 emails a day, all of which are basically reminders that the website is not working.  She then spends the majority of her time bossing our unit around to get an inordinate amount of tasks done while she sits away in her office picking at her warts or whatever abominable creatures like Swamp Witch do for fun.

When she doesn’t get a result she likes from her loyal unit, she sends her swamp rat minions out to boss us around and scare us into doing our jobs so they can continue to sit around like headless chickens and learn how to process a single thought, like, why am I here? or why am I being bossed around by a woman who looks like a naked mole rat?

Anyway, in the last death-fighting scene, one of your coworkers goes up to confront the evil Swamp Witch and is sent back with a box to pack her things in.  Swamp Witch beckons you next.  You follow her and her squeaky, gnarly clogs back to a corner office where some chain-smoking woman with a bouffant lets you know that you are losing at being a Swamp Witch Bitch and that you will be leaving the island tonight.  To which you kind of just chuckle because this is hardly defeat — it’s victory!

Swamp Witch scuttles alongside of you and offers you a box to pack your knives and go.  You will not be America’s Next Top Naked Mole Rat Bitch.  Time to go home where you can sleep soundly in your bed and never, ever go back to Elm Street where your boss looks like Freddy Kreuger, if Freddy looked like a rabid naked mole rat who wore long black coats and had a mane of clumpy hair that has most certainly never been touched by a single drop of shampoo.  But the face — yeah, Freddy’s face is pretty much Swamp Witch’s spitting image.  Or this. < — in fact, that may be the exact image they used for her employee badge.

Anyway, we could always eject her into outer space and see what happens.  I hear Black Holes aren’t discriminatory when it comes to eating up crap in the universe.

Then the movie ends and the credits begin rolling and you’re like, holy shit, this is my life and I really DID survive having a naked mole rat for a boss!  and then you celebrate by going out for dinner and drinks with your also-fired friend and then gorge yourself on Pecan Pie Blondies, aka, the winning food for victorious badasses like yourself.

DSC_0886AThis has nothing to do with Pecan Pie Blondies except for the fact that I’m now salivating for some.  These were a real tastebud treat and were gone in SECONDS in my house.  They start with my easy, foolproof blondie base — a chewy, brown sugary and buttery laced bar baked to golden perfection, mixed with actual pieces of pecan pie — and are topped with a sticky, gooey, chewy pecan pie filling, and studded all over with salty, crunchy pecans.  If you love pecan pie, you’ll love these outrageously simple blondies — a great and easier alternative to the tricky holiday dessert!

DSC_0891A

5.0 from 2 reviews
Pecan Pie Blondies
Author: 
Recipe type: Blondies, Bars
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 9
 
Pecan pie-filled blondies topped with a decadent, sticky pecan pie filling? Basically, your stomach will scream with delight.
Ingredients
  • ⅔ cup butter, room temperature
  • 2 cups dark brown sugar
  • 2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • ¼ tsp baking soda
  • Pinch salt
  • 2 & ½ cups all-purpose flour
  • 6 miniature pecan pie tartlets (found mine at Trader Joe's), or about ½ of a standard prepared pecan pie, chopped into bite-sized pieces
  • 2 cups chopped pecans, divided
  • FOR FILLING:
  • 2 Tbsp butter
  • 2 eggs, lightly beaten
  • ½ cup dark brown sugar
  • ½ cup light corn syrup
  • 1 tsp vanilla
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 9x9" square pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP! Heavily grease the foil with cooking spray or butter; set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, beat the butter and brown sugar together with a handheld electric mixer on medium speed, until the mixture has creamed together. Gradually beat in vanilla and eggs, one at a time, until mixture is smooth. Slowly add in the baking powder, baking soda, salt and flour; stir by hand to incorporate into a thick batter. Stir in ONE cup of the chopped pecans and the bite-sized pieces of pecan pie.
  3. Spread the batter evenly into the prepared baking sheet. Bake for 10 minutes.
  4. Meanwhile, while blondies bake, in a medium bowl, whisk together the butter, eggs, brown sugar, corn syrup, and vanilla until smooth. Stir in the remaining ONE cup of pecans. This is your filling.
  5. Pour the filling evenly over the par-baked blondies. Return the blondies to the oven for an additional 15-20 minutes, or until the top appears mostly set and is golden brown. Be careful not to overbake, as the filling will continue to set as it cools. It is far better to pull it out when it's slightly jiggly in the middle than completely solid!! Cool the blondies completely before cutting into squares.

DSC_0894AThese blondies are one of my family’s new favorites!  They received such a huge response from my siblings and dad that I know I have to make them again for Christmas dinner!  Blondies are already one of my favorite desserts for their richness, imparted from the molasses-heavy dark brown sugar and the buttery undertones.  But when you top blondies with that quintessential gooey, chewy pecan pie filling — laden with salty, chopped pecans and that sticky butter-sugar-syrup mixture, it creates this caramelized, candy-like topping that is out of this world!!  Plus, who doesn’t love PIE inside of a blondie?!  Um, best idea ever!!  And can I just say this is the perfect thing to nosh on while watching your scary horror-work movie in your head?  What they say is true: revenge is awfully sweet :)

Have a fantastical day!!

xo, Hayley

*no actual mole rats were harmed in the making of this post. 

 

 

 

 

Blondie Overload Cupcakes

blondieoverloadIn a past life, I am positive I was a vigilante.

My entire life as Hayley, I have been hell-bent on always helping the underdog, upholding justice, standing up for what is right and tearing down what’s wrong.  While this sounds really Joan-of-Arc-y and admirable, it usually just means I stir up trouble in lame minor situations and don’t actually crusade for the mass population or save lives or anything.  Sorry to get your hopes up.

More than likely, it most commonly occurs in my current workplace, wherever and whatever that may be.  I have a knack for working with a handful of ridiculous people at every job I’ve been employed at and thus have a special honing skill to right the wrongs the workforce does.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not one of those ninnies who tattles on people for unnecessary things.  And I’m not one to nitpick every. little. thing.  But if something SUPER irks me, or especially if it interferes with my productivity or efficiency, you bet your bottom dollah I am gonna say something to stand up for myself — and for who I like to believe are other shy people, too afraid to say anything for themselves.  Because I can’t be the only person bothered by a girl literally sing-moaning in the same workspace, can I?  (We’re talking Mariah-Carey oohh0h0h0hkooohhh yeeeaahheuahhhhadh ooooh baaaaaby kinda moan-singing.  Loudly.  Daily.)

My first job I worked for a call center at a portrait studio.  They were locally owned and pathetically stingy, so they’d only hire a small handful of us at a time to manage the huge increase in calls for session scheduling.  Anyway, I worked 8-hour days and thus had a 30-minute lunch, per State of California laws.  I remember one day taking my lunch at my desk with my phone logged off, and I read a magazine and ate quietly.  Suddenly, my rather rotund supervisor, semblant of a gluttonous sloth, wobbled in and informed me that I would need to continue answering phones on my lunch break.

However, I was somehow well-versed in the inner workings of the California Labor Board Laws (don’t ask — some things ya just know, ya know?) and I politely informed sloth-woman that lunch breaks are free time for the employee and employers are not able to ask us to work on our lunch; it’s against the law.  Sloth-woman did not like this and reminded me how busy we were and how I could “get into trouble” for not taking calls.

It was then — that little threat of trouble — that sent the wild vigilante woman inside of me raging, spear in hand, venom on the tongue, ready to fight back.  Oh no she didn’t.  She deffffffinitely didn’t just tell me to interrupt my orange-chicken-eating to answer phone calls on MY law-mandated break!  Bitch please.

“Actually,” I quipped, “it’s against the law.  So if you’re planning on getting me into trouble for not working on my state-mandated lunch period, I will be happy to let the Labor Board know.”

Oh shiiiiiiiit son.  It hit the fan.

Sloth-woman did not like my sass and walked away saying, “we could really use your help” and warbled off to do a whole lot of nothing.  I continued not to answer calls because hello, it’s against the law, and when Sloth-woman came back to ask another employee to do the same, I repeated the same sentence over and over again, standing up for my shy, sweet coworker who wouldn’t know Labor Laws like few weird, vigilante 17-year old girls do.  And it felt good, y’know?  Sticking up to the man.  Doing a public service.  Serving the bad guys with some justice!

And FYI, if you ever want to piss off an employer, thoroughly read your state’s labor laws.  I guarantee 90% of the jobs out there — even your so-called professional grown-up job — is violating at least one law.  And if you hate your job enough, it’s surprisingly really friggin’ satisfying to let a supervisor know that they’re violating your rights as an employee.  It makes the wild vigilante woman inside of me yodel with delight and pound her chest, Tarzan-style.

DSC_0238AAnyway, when I’m not upholding California’s labor laws, I am standing up for one of my favorite (and one of the most underrated) desserts ever: the blondie.  Blondies are a brownie’s brown sugar-y cousin.  Rich, sumptuous, buttery, with a hint of spice, blondies are my absolute favorite dessert.  I love their simplicity yet the complexity of flavors.  And the versatility!  Throw whatever you want in ‘em and it instantly jazzes up the variety.

DSC_0250AHowever, today’s blondies are transformed into cupcakes!  Buttery, golden delicious cupcakes flavored just like blondies– and made with ICE CREAM(!!!!!)– Ben & Jerry’s exclusive new flavor: Rockin’ Blondies!  I found this flavor at Target (I believe it’s only available there) and it is TODIEFOORRRRRRRR.

Take a bite.  Your mouth will totally love you for it.

DSC_0250A

5.0 from 2 reviews
Blondie Overload Cupcakes
Author: 
Recipe type: Cakes/Cupcakes
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 18
 
Blondies are my dessert soulmate. But when you pair blondies with cupcakes, it becomes LIFE-CHANGING. And honey, change is goooooood.
Ingredients
  • FOR CUPCAKES:
  • 1 box yellow cake mix
  • 1 pint Ben & Jerry's Rockin' Blondies ice cream, softened to room temperature
  • ⅓ cup oil
  • 3 eggs
  • ¼ cup brown sugar
  • FOR FROSTING:
  • 2 sticks butter, softened
  • ⅔ cup brown sugar
  • 2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 4 cups powdered sugar
  • Milk (to thin icing, if necessary)
  • Cooked blondies, cut into bite-sized cubes
  • Caramel sundae syrup
  • Butterscotch chips
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 muffin tins with about 18 paper liners; set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, beat together the cake mix, softened ice cream, oil, eggs and brown sugar with an electric mixer until completely combined, about 2 minutes. Evenly distribute the batter among the muffin tins, filling about ¾ full.
  3. Bake for approx. 15-17 minutes or until tops are just about set and have a golden hue. Cool the cupcakes completely.
  4. In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together the butter, brown sugar and vanilla until creamy. Gradually add the powdered sugar, about 1 cup at a time, until frosting is light, fluffy, and holds it shape well. Use the milk to thin the icing if it is too thick.
  5. Pipe the icing high onto the cooled cupcakes. Garnish with the crumbled/cubed blondie pieces, butterscotch chips and drizzle with caramel sundae syrup. If you want to get extra fancy, sprinkle with some coarse sea salt before serving. Store leftovers airtight in the fridge, about 4 days; however, best served the same day-next day.

DSC_0262AThese aren’t called Blondie Overload Cupcakes for nothing — they truly resemble a blondie from the buttery cake base to the rich, sweet frosting to the chewy, slightly-spiced blondie chunks adorning the tops of these decadent cupcakes.  At first I was wary about using melted ice cream as the liquid in my cupcakes, but the idea turned out brilliantly.  The melted ice cream substitutes the water or milk you’d normally mix into the cake mix, giving it a very rich, very creamy texture and flavor.  Plus, since the ice cream already has those signature blondie flavors–brown sugar, butter, toffee, butterscotch–it just added another complexity to the cupcake.

My sister FLIPPPPPPED for these, and I know you will, too!

Have a delicious weekend!

xo, Hayley

Heavenly Hash Donut Blondies

heavenlyhashA few days ago, a coworker and I were headed up to the lunch room when she stopped to use the bathroom.  I told her I’d just meet up with her and I continued on my merry way through the eerily quiet rows of cubicles.

After sitting down to eat my gourmet frozen meal, she came in and said “you’re a loud walker!  I could hear you walking all the way down the hall.”  At which point I looked down at my feet, clad in ballet flats and most certainly not Frankenstein-style boots, and frowned.

“How do you know it was me?” I asked suspiciously.  Surely I couldn’t be the only one responsible for having a heavy step around here.

“Because everyone’s at that employee picnic.  Duh,” she replied, and in that same instant, crushed my every hope of being graceful.

My whole life I have dreamed of being graceful.  I’ve been creepy and watched people’s movements and gestures and have always admired those who gesticulated with purpose, who seemingly glided as they walked, and who had excellent posture.  I took years of dance and spent years of being a posture-stalker only to be woefully inadequate in the grace department and clomp around like a bull wearing platforms inside of a china shop.

And sadly, I have been reminded of this imperfection before.  In our old house we had tile and hardwood throughout, so when I walked around before people had woken up, they would always tell me they could “hear me” even if I hadn’t said a word.  And when I’d spend the night at friend’s houses and would have to tiptoe down the carpeted hallway to the bathroom, it sounded like I was dragracing.

I mean, I don’t know how a woman’s feet can be so friggin’ LOUD but holy crap, my walk is seriously deafening.

So now I am UUUUUBER self-conscious of my rhinocerosesque gait when walking around upstairs.  I’ve even resulted to tiptoeing while holding my breath just so I can double-ensure that I’m not being obscenely loud in my existence.  This usually means that by the time I reach my destination, I’m panting and sweating and coughing, trying desperately to catch my breath and recirculate oxygen to my brain, and my arches hurt from walking on my toes.  The plus side is all this tiptoeing has resulted in really toned calves, which is almost worth the fact that I’m nearly asphyxiating myself to get them.

DSC_0039AAnywaaaay, it’s time for you to barrel into the kitchen and make yourself these blondies.  True to their name, they’re straight-up, in yo face HEAVENLY, girlfran’, and if you aren’t eating them in the next hour I may have to bulldoze down your door and dropkick you with my lead foot.

DSC_0055A

 

*inspired by THIS recipe, originally inspired by Averie

5.0 from 5 reviews
Heavenly Hash Donut Blondies
Author: 
Recipe type: Bars
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 12
 
Inspired by the Heavenly Hash donuts from Gourdough's in Austin, TX, these blondies have all the elements in one portable and scrumptious bar.
Ingredients
  • 2 pkgs refrigerated chocolate chip cookie dough
  • 2 jumbo Hershey's cookies + cream chocolate bars
  • 1 (7 oz) jar marshmallow fluff/cream
  • About 20 donut holes, halved
  • About ½ cup chocolate icing (canned works!)
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line an 8x8" pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. Mist the foil with cooking spray.
  2. Gently press ONE (1) package of the cookie dough evenly onto the bottom of the pan. Top with the chocolate bars, breaking the pieces to fit as evenly as you can to cover the surface of the cookie dough. Top with an even layer of the marshmallow fluff.
  3. Top the marshmallow fluff with the halved donut holes, covering the surface evenly. Lastly, break apart and spread the remaining package of cookie dough to cover the tops of the donut layer. If the donuts peek through, that's okay.
  4. Bake for approx. 25-28 minutes or until the top is golden brown and mostly set. Allow to cool completely at room temperature before putting in the fridge to set, about 2 hours. They really DO need to set in order to come together, or else they'll be a gooey mess (not as good as it sounds).
  5. After it's cooled, drizzle on some melted chocolate icing for extra garnish :)
  6. Cut into bars and serve! Store covered, airtight, in the fridge.

 

DSC_0053ASo here’s the lowdown on these amazeballs donuts in Texas: they’re freshly fried donuts covered in fudge brownie pieces and marshmallow fluff.  I meaaaaan.. hello sexy. These blondies take on those elements of the donut but are made simply by stacking all of the flavors and textures… and, of course, no frying required!  They’ve got the fudge, the marshmallow, the donuts, and as a bonus, the buttery soft layers of cookie dough sandwiching everything together into one glorious blondie.  They’re actually one of the best things I think I’ve ever made .. but that could be because I’m partial to donuts inside of blondies :)

Have a delicious day!

xo, Hayley

Six Layer Oatmeal Biscoff Cookie Bars

biscoffoatmealcookieWhen I was a wee little girl, I loved taking those stupid quizzes in teeny-bopper magazines.  You know, the ones like: Will your crush ask you out? or Decode your personality based on your bangs! or dumb stuff like that.  But oh my god, they were SOOOO accurate and believable to a little girl following a weirdly sketched diagram or adding up Bs.  If I learned anything from those quizzes, it’s that I’m a gullible weirdo who likes predictable, impersonal quizzes to tell me stuff I already know.. or make up generic things that could maaaaybe apply to me.. or the 3247628348234 other girls taking the same quiz.

So now, I want to make a quiz because I feel that I have gained so much quiz-taking knowledge and would love to decode all of your personalities in the most impersonal way possible.  So if you ever wondered about your inner psyche.. you’re about to find out ~*~*

Peanut Butter

If you like crunchy… you’re a free-spirit.  No one can put a leash on your wild inner animal.  You like the color chartreuse.  You regularly get Justin Bieber songs in your head and you like it.  You like Cocker Spaniels.

If you like creamy… you like to play by the rules.  In fact, you love rules so much, you have an obsession with rulers.  You have ones from 7 countries in Europe and you cherish them dearly.  You have a deep fear of trampolines after your horrible cousin Ashley pushed you off of one when you were nine. You’re artistic.

Candy

If you like sour… whoa now, you’re totally a wild child!  You were born in January, February, or the remaining 10 months.  Your lucky number is 22.  You have a secret love for expensive silk shirts.

If you like sweet… you are kind of a predictable person, but you have a weird side no one understands.  You wear shirts under all your clothes that says ‘I Love Aaron Samuels’ and you know the difference between cheap, polyester K-Mart hair extensions worn by Shawana and the classy stuff.

Ice Cream

If you’re a chocolate person… you’re probably between the height of 4’11” and 6’1″.  If you think back to all the people you’ve dated, most of their names start with the letter G.  Yellow is your favorite color.. or maybe it isn’t, I don’t know you that well.

If you’re a vanilla person… you HATE when people call you ‘vanilla’.  Don’t they know you’re so much more?  What those people don’t know is you’re secretly planning a revolution and are making posters in your basement.  You don’t know what you’re revolting just yet, but dammit you’re gonna do it.  You won’t stand for being vanilla no’ mo’.  People can’t judge you based on your ice cream preference.  This is AMERICA.

If you’re a strawberry person… you’re probably the cool person everyone wishes they were best friends with.  But sometimes you wish people would realize that after grueling days of being the popular person, you just like to go home, get into some pajamas, and interpretive dance in your living room to Enya.  Sure, the world is your potato, but sometimes you just have to reconnect with the earth, you know?

Other Stuff

If you like flan/custard/bread pudding… you’re a confident, fearless leader.  You’re not afraid to admit you like food that tastes like wet sponges.  SO WHAT, BITCHES, you say as you throw up your sign.  Wut wuuuuuuut. You also enjoy eating said flan/custard/bread pudding while being surrounded by geckos, spiders and while watching Toddlers and Tiaras because you’re not afraid of creepy things.

If you don’t like marshmallows… you’re probably soulless.  That, or when you were a Girl Scout, your troop leader scared the friggin’ badges off of you when she mentioned that if you eat marshmallows too quickly you’ll straight up DIE because no one can save you when a marshmallow is lodged in your throat.  Like, WTF morbid troop leader?  We ain’t playin’ chubby bunny over here but now I’m like scarred from ever eating puffy sugar again. 

If you like fruitcake… this is your gentle reminder that the year is 2013, and people only give other people fruitcake if they hate them.  Also, you may want to have your doctor look at your tongue because you were probably born without tastebuds.

DSC_2386AAnywaaaay, I hope y’all learned a lot about yourselves.  And hopefully all of this deep soul-searching worked up your appetite because I brought the most badass dessert evahhhh.  They’re slightly adapted from one of the awesome recipes in my friend Averie‘s book, Peanut Butter Comfort– her Six Layer Cookie and Marshmallow S’mores Sandwich Bars.  When I saw these babies, I fell in LOVE.  There’s something so magical about six heart-throbbing layers of sugary, buttery goodness, and something so comforting about the delightful combination of cookies and s’mores.  So I used the same concept, but with an old friend: Biscoff.  The result is kinda sorta mindblowing, and if you eat them, it pretty much means you’re awesome :)

DSC_2380A

4.8 from 4 reviews
Six Layer Oatmeal Biscoff Cookie Bars
Author: 
Recipe type: Bars
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 16
 
Biscoff, oatmeal cookies, butterscotch chips, chocolate, marshmallow fluff.. all of these delightful components come together to create the most heart-warming and rich sandwich bar.
Ingredients
  • 2 (16 oz flat) pkgs refrigerated Oatmeal Scotchie cookie mix (if you can't find Oatmeal Scotchie flavor, substitute regular oatmeal or chocolate chip)
  • 3 Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate + Caramel Bars
  • 1 cup crunchy Biscoff
  • 1 (7 oz) jar marshmallow cream/fluff
  • ½ cup butterscotch or peanut butter chips (your choice!)
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line an 8x8" baking pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. Spray the foil with cooking spray.. seriously, the marshmallow will be super sticky, so take all the precautions you can!
  2. Press ONE (1) of the packages of cookie dough evenly along the bottom of the prepared pan. Top with the three chocolate bars. You may want to break up one of the bars to help cover the area of the dough, but try to cover it as much as possible.
  3. Spread the crunchy Biscoff spread evenly over the chocolate bars. Top evenly with the marshmallow fluff. Sprinkle with the butterscotch or the peanut butter chips (or try both!).
  4. Lastly, top the layers with the remaining package of cookie dough. To make this easier, there's two ways. I like ripping off chunks of the dough, flattening them in my palm, and gently laying them over one another evenly to cover the top of the bars as best I can. You can also lightly flour a flat surface and roll out the dough to form a slab, then layer it on top. As long as the cookie dough is evenly covering, you're good. And it's totally cool if some marshmallow peeks out!
  5. This pan will weigh approximately 87 pounds, so don't be alarmed. Haul it into the oven and bake for approx. 25 minutes. The center may appear slightly undone, but that's okay -- it will firm up as it cools. Do not overbake. Allow the bars to cool at room temperature about 1-2 hours, then refrigerate for an additional 2 hours to set up.
  6. Lift the overhang out of the pan and cut the bars into, well, bars. Serve!

DSC_2368AI am a huge Biscoff fan.. if you’ve never had it, it’s a cookie butter spread with a similar consistency to peanut butter, but with a rich, warm flavor reminiscent of gingerbread cookies.  It’s sweet, slightly spiced, and SO delicious in place of peanut butter for a nice little kick.  The Biscoff totally lends these bars a homemade, heart-warming flavor that reminds me of something grandma would make.  The chewy oatmeal cookie layers, the creamy layer of oozing caramel-filled chocolate, the soft, sweet marshmallow fluff and the studs of butterscotch chips.. everything works so harmoniously in these six-layer wonder bars.  They are overtly sweet and not for the faint of heart, so don’t say you weren’t warned!

 

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