As you all know, I am new to this dating business and especially new to the adult dating business. And while every stupid rom com insists you’ll find love when you least expect it, it doesn’t hurt to throw out some phone numbers to hotties here and there, am I right?
Sooooo a couple days ago, Dorothy and I went out for drinks and some dinner for happy hour. Before she arrived, I was minding my own business at our table when I spotted a serious hottie at the bar. He had a beard — but trust me, it was fantastical — and glasses, which I personally find immensely attractive. And bonus, he was with a guy friend with nary a female in sight.
I decided I would be super stealthy and send him a drink like you see in the movies. You know, the bartender brings by a frosty new beer and the hottie-in-question says “I didn’t order this” and the bartender explains it was ordered by “that incredibly foxy girl in the glasses over there”? Yeah, I totally wanted this Hollywood scene played up in huurrr. So when the pixie-looking waitress came by, I told her my gameplan, subtly pointed out the my victim and left love in the hands of his free beer.
Except our waitress was working at a pace best described as ‘snails on vacation’ and didn’t appear to be savvy in the skilled world of adult dating so a good ten minutes passed by before she even brought my drink. As she dropped it off, I asked for an update with the glasses-wearing hottie and she said “he left!”
I turned to see that his friend was still there and asked the waitress if possibly he could be in the bathroom since his friend was still there? The waitress agreed that this logic was a good idea and went to investigate by asking the friend. She returned a moment later saying that yes, the hottie was, in fact, using the facilities and would be back momentarily, so she’d get the order in “right away.”
Minutes passed, a new President was elected, global warming continued to melt polar ice caps and SuperBowl 248 came and went and finally our pixie waitress came back and said “okay, he actually did leave this time before we had a chance to get him his beer.” I turned to confirm that my bearded hottie was actually now MIA, and in his place was an older man. I considered the time lapse that had occurred and thought that possibly my bearded hottie had just aged very quickly due to the glacial pace of the waitress but it didn’t seem likely as this man was actually an older woman with just a very unfortunate haircut. Our pixie waitress apologized and proceeded to tell me about how unlucky she was in love, too, and I decided not to remind her that this was probably because she worked at the slowest pace known to man and clearly did not understand the suave rules of adult dating, and that if I thought it would be like pulling teeth to get this damn fine man a beer, I would have done it myself fourteen years ago when I had the chance.
And then I ate my feelings. #storyofmylife
Anyway, thankfully the official drinking holidays are just around the corner so I have plenty more opportunities to buy bearded, four-eyed cuties some drinks. With St. Patty’s Day approaching, there’s no shortage of beer. But my personal favorite drinking holiday has to be Mardi Gras. Nothing gets me more jazzed than eating tons of delicious Southern food, listening to funky jazz music and drinking obnoxiously large goblets of alcohol. And one more little tidbit which makes this Fat Tuesday my fave: BEIGNETS!
If you’ve never had beignets, baby, you need to get out more. Beignets are essentially the French’s doughnut — a light and airy dough that’s fried until golden and copiously dusted with powdered sugar. Golden, crispy, and super soft, beignets aren’t like American donuts which puts them in a class of their own. And if you ever get the chance to try them at Disneyland — you must!
While these Baked Butter Cake Beignets aren’t necessarily the real deal in the beignet world, they *do* remind me a lot of them with a somewhat similar texture and lots of amazing buttery flavor. These are technically more like donuts, but whatever you call them, they’ll definitely be delicious!
- 1 box golden butter cake mix
- 1 stick butter, melted
- 2 eggs
- ½ cup full-fat sour cream
- 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
- ¼ tsp ground nutmeg
- Powdered sugar
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 24-cavity donut hole pan with cooking spray. If you do not have a 24-cavity donut hole pan, grease a standard sized mini donut pan or even a mini muffin tin-- both will work just fine.
- In a large bowl, combine the cake mix, butter, eggs, sour cream, vanilla & nutmeg until the mixture is blended and no large clumps remain. Using a cookie dough scoop, portion even-sized Tablespoonfuls of batter among each greased cavity. If using a mini donut pan, you can easily pipe the mixture into the cavities by filling a piping bag or Ziploc with the batter, snipping off a corner of the bag, and piping. Otherwise, for a mini muffin tin or the 24-cavity donut hole pan, the cookie dough scoop works perfectly.
- Bake for approx. 8-10 minutes or until the tops are set and springy when touched. Do not over-bake! Allow the donuts to cool in the pan for about 5 minutes before gently removing to a wire rack.
- Place a generous amount of powdered sugar (I usually start with about ½ cup) in a medium bowl. While donuts are still warm to the touch, add a couple donuts to the powdered sugar bowl and toss to coat with a spoon. If you're not super into powdered sugar, you can also sift some sugar onto the donuts if preferred. Serve!
- Store any leftover donuts airtight at room temperature for up to 3 days.
So what’d we learn today? If you wanna get technical, no, these aren’t really beignets. But they DO have some beignet-ish qualities, are MUCH easier to make (no yeast! no rising! no frying!), and have that rich, sumptuous buttery taste with that hint of spicy nutmeg that we all love when it comes to fresh, warm donuts. The only issue with these bad boys is they are terribly addictive, so consider sharing — don’t say I didn’t warn you. And when it comes to adult dating, don’t trust underage pixie waitresses to do your dating dirty work. And don’t take yourself — or the dating situation — too seriously because OMG, it’s only a beer and there’s plenty more boozy fish in the sea
Have a fantastical day!!