No? Is that just me? Go figure.
Why is the gym some super hotspot for me to have embarrassing things happen? Deep down, I think it’s the universe’s way of saying don’t go to the gym because really, most mortals don’t have these weird-o things just happen to them consecutively.
Anywaaaay. So I was doing my usual floor exercises/stretches/bullsh*t when I decided I wanted to do a plank. Why not, I thought. Planking seems like the perfectly logical thing to do while working out.
While this thought was being born, I was doing toe-touches and because of my lack of pockets I had ingeniously lodged my iPod into my bra for safekeeping.
After toe-touches I got down into planking position and was
dying doin’ my thang when a horrid song came on. I don’t really know why I have terrible songs on my iPod, but I’m assuming it’s because any song is horrid if it isn’t the one I’m playing on repeat. And also because I have a terrible taste in music.
So naturally, I am unable to do anything when a bad song is on, so I reached for my iPod to quickly banish said-awful song from my ears when, kaboom.. boob.
During this exercise mishegas, my iPod had, er, stuck to me, and without thinking, I just pulled it out thinking everything was jim dandy buuuuut, my lady lump fell out with it.
S0o0o0o0o there I was, planking and sweaty, with a boob just chillin’, and a horrible song in my ears, and about 3476283468234 people surrounding me. It was the perfect equation for oh my god this is my life what the hell.
This has absolutely zero to do with these billionaire bars except I’m pretty sure this kind of thing doesn’t happen to billionaires since billionaires can usually afford workout clothes with iPod pockets. Or their own home gym. Or you know, just have their favorite band perform while they do lunges. Dammit, why do rich people have everything?!
Everything except gymboob stories. And cookie dough billionaire bars.
If we’re being honest, I have no idea why these are called billionaire bars. I’ve just seen them around the interwebs and realized it’s basically just cookie dough sitting on top of caramel sitting on top of a shortbread crust, and that sounds awesome. I made them, and true to their genetic makeup, they are super duper superbly awesome. And totally make me feel less omg embarrassed for the whole boobage thing.
- 1 pkg refrigerated sugar cookie crust
- 1 pkg Kraft caramel bits
- 2 tsp heavy cream or milk
- 1 cup butter, softened
- ¾ cup brown sugar
- ¼ cup white sugar
- 2 tsp vanilla
- 2 tsp milk
- 1 & ¼ cups all-purpose flour
- 1 cup miniature chocolate chips
- 2 squares baking chocolate
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a 13×9″ baking pan with cooking spray. Unwrap the sugar cookie dough and press it evenly into the bottom of the prepared pan.
- Bake the sugar cookie crust for approx. 15 minutes or until center appears set and top is lightly golden. Cool completely.
- In a medium saucepan, melt together the caramel bits and the 2 tsp heavy cream over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the mixture has melted and is nice and smooth. Pour the mixture over the sugar cookie crust and spread to even out.
- In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together the butter and sugars until creamy. Add the vanilla and milk, beat again. Lastly, gradually add the flour until a soft dough forms. Stir in the chocolate chips.
- Spread the cookie dough mixture evenly on top of the caramel layer. Place in the fridge to set, about 2 hours. Before serving, melt the remaining baking chocolate and drizzle on top of the bars. Cut and eat!
I brought these into work and they were gone within minutes. I don’t blame my hungry coworkers– there’s something about sweet, crispy sugar cookie crust, gooey, smooth caramel and buttery, soft cookie dough that makes me weak in the knees, too! And lucky for my coworkers, I didn’t even charge them per bar!
Have a delicious day!