I have this pair of reeeeeeeallly ugly, unflattering workout shorts. I call them workout shorts only because when I put them on, I realize, damn, I need to workout.
Anyways, a couple weeks ago, I decided it’d be a brilliant idea to paint this hideously ugly mini entertainment center on my driveway. Thinking with the Pinterest part of my brain and abandoning all sense of logic at the door, I dragged that ugly thing out to the driveway and proceeded to slap some mint paint all over it..and subsequently, the driveway, since I neglected to cover it up like a #smartiepants.
My mom got piiiiiiisssed that there was an awkward rectangular mint outline on our driveway and I can’t say I blame her. I was hoping the paint remnants would look cool, like some kind of perma-chalk-drawing, or perhaps an abstract work of art a la Jackson Pollack, but alas, I shouldn’t abandon my job in hopes of becoming an artist anytime soon.
So flash forward to present day. Mom had been hounding me about my Jackson Pollack #fail square on the driveway for some time now, and I was running out of excuses to avoid cleaning paint off of concrete (Tip: there’s only so many times you can tell her you didn’t hear her, or that your feeble fingers needed to rest today and perhaps they’d be stronger to scrub tomorrow).
I spent the majority of the day mentally preparing myself to scrub the driveway until it was about a half hour until she came home and I needed to scrub it up or she’d use me to clean the pavement. I donned my gross workout shorts and a tank top and plodded my silly self outside with a nearly-empty bottle of Ajax and a toilet brush because I couldn’t find brillo pads and frankly, the feeling of them makes my eyes bleed. Paint square was goin’ doooown.
But right as I opened my garage door and began shielding my eyes from the sun, I spotted a pair of feet from across the street and it was the feet of Creepy Dad, the–self-exploratory–creepy dad that lives across the street. Creepy Dad has the uncanny ability to sense whenever I’m present and stare for long periods of time, so my blindingly white legs probably shocked his senses and caused him to stare extra longer as I awkwardly greeted him and went to retrieve the hose. Creepy Dad, per the name, began making forced pleasantries and asked a lot of questions about my dog. I figured responding, “considering I’m wearing a disgusting pair of shorts I’d rather not discuss this with you while in this outfit” wasn’t an appropriate response, so I just kind of chuckled, didn’t answer him, and went to scrubbing my driveway with a toilet brush like normal people do.
Creepy Dad went home to be probably peep at me through the curtains, and I continued to scrub the paint to no avail. While I was squatting over a wet stain in the concrete, transparent legs reflecting sunlight in a blinding fashion, the UPS man rolled up and stepped out of his truck. Sidenote: the UPS man is INCREDIBLY good-looking, as they always seem to be. I quickly stood up to greet him and realized my nasty shorts had hiked up during my sexy squat, giving the world the visual pleasure of my camel toe on TOP of wearing these hugely inappropriate short-shorts, the hems clinging to dear life before they split as a result of binge-cookie eating.
UPS Hottie made small talk with me while I awkwardly tried to shield my CT with the box he handed me. He was even all, “it’s so nice out! You going anywhere this summer for vacation?” and then said “yeah, all you’d need are two swimsuits and you’re good to go!” Then I blushed because I’m immature and because it was hilarious that UPS Hottie actually thought I owned two swimsuits, much less would actually WEAR swimsuits. He’s so adorable.
Pretty much none of this would have happened had that ugly entertainment table been mint in the first place. I blame the universe for this one and my unfortunate case of the CT in front of the UPS Hottie.
When the universe poops on your party, the only way to perk up is with sticky buns. It’s a fact, people. These Turtle Sticky Buns will pep you right up. Sugar coated in butter coated in sugar. Hello, genius.
- 1 tube large refrigerated biscuits
- About 16 Rolos
- ½ cup brown sugar
- ¼ cup corn syrup
- ¼ cup butter
- ¾ cup coarsely chopped pecans
- Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Liberally spray an 8x8 square baking pan with cooking spray and set aside.
- Meanwhile, in a medium saucepan, melt together the brown sugar, corn syrup and butter, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Add in the pecans and toss to coat. Pour this mixture evenly over the bottom of the prepared pan; set aside.
- On a clean work-space, unroll the can of biscuits and cut each biscuit in half. Using the heel of your hand, gently flatten each biscuit half to stretch it out a little more. Wrap the biscuit half around one Rolo candy, covering it completely as best as you can. Place the biscuit seam-side down in the prepared pan. Repeat until all biscuit halves have been filled and rolled.
- Bake for approx. 20-25 minutes or until golden brown and bubbly. Allow the buns to cool slightly (about 5 minutes) before carefully inverting the pan onto a platter to serve immediately. These are best served the same day when warm, but you could store them airtight at room temperature for up to a day or two.
Oh maaaah gosh, you guys. Talk about decadence! At first I was apprehensive about stuffing a Rolo into a refrigerator biscuit.. hello, isn’t that kind of odd? And then I realized who I was and that I HAD to do this.. it was like my life’s quest or something. The Rolo melts inside the biscuit and provides this rich, gooey surprise in the center. And the caramelized butter mixture that makes these buns “sticky” is the perfect complement to the sweet center of the biscuits! These truly taste like turtles and are the right way to start your day 🙂
Have a happy Day!