Turtle Sticky Buns

turtlestickybuns

I have this pair of reeeeeeeallly ugly, unflattering workout shorts. I call them workout shorts only because when I put them on, I realize, damn, I need to workout. 

Anyways, a couple weeks ago, I decided it’d be a brilliant idea to paint this hideously ugly mini entertainment center on my driveway. Thinking with the Pinterest part of my brain and abandoning all sense of logic at the door, I dragged that ugly thing out to the driveway and proceeded to slap some mint paint all over it..and subsequently, the driveway, since I neglected to cover it up like a #smartiepants.

My mom got piiiiiiisssed that there was an awkward rectangular mint outline on our driveway and I can’t say I blame her. I was hoping the paint remnants would look cool, like some kind of perma-chalk-drawing, or perhaps an abstract work of art a la Jackson Pollack, but alas, I shouldn’t abandon my job in hopes of becoming an artist anytime soon.

So flash forward to present day. Mom had been hounding me about my Jackson Pollack #fail square on the driveway for some time now, and I was running out of excuses to avoid cleaning paint off of concrete (Tip: there’s only so many times you can tell her you didn’t hear her, or that your feeble fingers needed to rest today and perhaps they’d be stronger to scrub tomorrow).

I spent the majority of the day mentally preparing myself to scrub the driveway until it was about a half hour until she came home and I needed to scrub it up or she’d use me to clean the pavement. I donned my gross workout shorts and a tank top and plodded my silly self outside with a nearly-empty bottle of Ajax and a toilet brush because I couldn’t find brillo pads and frankly, the feeling of them makes my eyes bleed. Paint square was goin’ doooown.

But right as I opened my garage door and began shielding my eyes from the sun, I spotted a pair of feet from across the street and it was the feet of Creepy Dad, the–self-exploratory–creepy dad that lives across the street. Creepy Dad has the uncanny ability to sense whenever I’m present and stare for long periods of time, so my blindingly white legs probably shocked his senses and caused him to stare extra longer as I awkwardly greeted him and went to retrieve the hose. Creepy Dad, per the name, began making forced pleasantries and asked a lot of questions about my dog. I figured responding, “considering I’m wearing a disgusting pair of shorts I’d rather not discuss this with you while in this outfit” wasn’t an appropriate response, so I just kind of chuckled, didn’t answer him, and went to scrubbing my driveway with a toilet brush like normal people do.

Creepy Dad went home to be probably peep at me through the curtains, and I continued to scrub the paint to no avail. While I was squatting over a wet stain in the concrete, transparent legs reflecting sunlight in a blinding fashion, the UPS man rolled up and stepped out of his truck. Sidenote: the UPS man is INCREDIBLY good-looking, as they always seem to be. I quickly stood up to greet him and realized my nasty shorts had hiked up during my sexy squat, giving the world the visual pleasure of my camel toe on TOP of wearing these hugely inappropriate short-shorts, the hems clinging to dear life before they split as a result of binge-cookie eating.

UPS Hottie made small talk with me while I awkwardly tried to shield my CT with the box he handed me.  He was even all, “it’s so nice out! You going anywhere this summer for vacation?” and then said “yeah, all you’d need are two swimsuits and you’re good to go!” Then I blushed because I’m immature and because it was hilarious that UPS Hottie actually thought I owned two swimsuits, much less would actually WEAR swimsuits. He’s so adorable.

Pretty much none of this would have happened had that ugly entertainment table been mint in the first place. I blame the universe for this one and my unfortunate case of the CT in front of the UPS Hottie.

DSC_0500AWhen the universe poops on your party, the only way to perk up is with sticky buns. It’s a fact, people. These Turtle Sticky Buns will pep you right up. Sugar coated in butter coated in sugar. Hello, genius.

DSC_0492ATurtle Sticky Buns *adapted from a recipe from Quick Cooking’s March 2001 issue

Turtle Sticky Buns
Author: 
Recipe type: Breakfast
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 16
 
Traditional sticky buns get a decadent spin when stuffed with Rolos and drizzled with caramel!
Ingredients
  • 1 tube large refrigerated biscuits
  • About 16 Rolos
  • ½ cup brown sugar
  • ¼ cup corn syrup
  • ¼ cup butter
  • ¾ cup coarsely chopped pecans
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Liberally spray an 8x8 square baking pan with cooking spray and set aside.
  2. Meanwhile, in a medium saucepan, melt together the brown sugar, corn syrup and butter, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Add in the pecans and toss to coat. Pour this mixture evenly over the bottom of the prepared pan; set aside.
  3. On a clean work-space, unroll the can of biscuits and cut each biscuit in half. Using the heel of your hand, gently flatten each biscuit half to stretch it out a little more. Wrap the biscuit half around one Rolo candy, covering it completely as best as you can. Place the biscuit seam-side down in the prepared pan. Repeat until all biscuit halves have been filled and rolled.
  4. Bake for approx. 20-25 minutes or until golden brown and bubbly. Allow the buns to cool slightly (about 5 minutes) before carefully inverting the pan onto a platter to serve immediately. These are best served the same day when warm, but you could store them airtight at room temperature for up to a day or two.

 

DSC_0501AOh maaaah gosh, you guys. Talk about decadence! At first I was apprehensive about stuffing a Rolo into a refrigerator biscuit.. hello, isn’t that kind of odd? And then I realized who I was and that I HAD to do this.. it was like my life’s quest or something. The Rolo melts inside the biscuit and provides this rich, gooey surprise in the center. And the caramelized butter mixture that makes these buns “sticky” is the perfect complement to the sweet center of the biscuits! These truly taste like turtles and are the right way to start your day 🙂

Have a happy Day!

xo, Hayley

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Comments

  1. You are too funny! Creepy man and UPS hottie – and the CT shorts of course – I’m dying over here! Hope these sticky buns helped – if not, I’ll gladly help with the leftovers.

  2. OK, you’re a genius. I love the stories you tell of the real people in your life. I wonder what they’d say if they ever read your blog. I can just see creepy dad reading it and wondering who on the street you’re really talking about. lol

  3. Crap that is seriously a funny story!! And you right the UPS guys really are hotties! Seriously delicious sticky buns! Should make anyone feel better!

  4. noyomoco says:

    Nice. I seriously adore your stories! I have probably said that exact sentence way too many times. But it is always true 🙂 Your sticky buns look delicious!!

  5. Ha hilarious! And those sticky buns are insane!

  6. Ahhhhhhh OMG I understand! I hate when you’re all like icky and then cute people try to talk to you. Then when you’re all hot it seems like you’re invisible *sigh*. (Awkward fact: my cousin’s husband used to be a UPS guy, he looks like a Ken doll haaa)

    And omg these sticky buns, sooooo goooooood-so sticky!

  7. Sheryl Kaye's says:

    Must be interesting at your home, Hayley! Gotta admit, gonna have to try this! (Not the mint rectangle in the driveway, just the Turtles!) 😉

  8. hahahaha i love it Hayley – you always make me crack up when I need it girl! I have aUPS hottie too. 😉 Jude gives me a scary bark though. 🙁

    PS: Love these! turtle anything is just so darn good!

  9. OMG, you’re killing me over here!! These look insanely sticky.

  10. These sound amazing Hayley! Can’t wait to dig into these one Saturday morning! 🙂

  11. LOL I am bending over in laughter. Seriously. You.are.hilarious. I love that your posts are 3/4 life stories and 1/4 recipes. You make my day Hayley.

  12. And this is why we are friends. Creepy dads and hot UPS men while wearing short shorts is my life. These sticky buns need to happen this weekend!

  13. Oh man..I loved every minute of this post! You are amazing. LOL Can’t wait to try these sticky buns out….my mind is telling me no but my stomach is telling me YES 😉

  14. Anony Mous says:

    LOL. If these are the “right way to start your day”, be prepared for a lifetime of looking flabby and out of shape in your shorts. It kills me when people complain about their bodies but then eat garbage like this…

  15. bakerbynature says:

    Oh my gooooooood, really?! Realllllllly with these sticky buns?! I’m over the moon obsessed.

  16. You’re killing me! I’m sorry, I’m really not laughing (she lies with a straight face). That mint table was gorgeous on instagram though. And these sticky buns. OH MY GOD.

  17. These area absolutely the right way to start the day!

  18. Holy yum! So sticky, so perfect 🙂 you are too funny, I love reading your stories! That table looked awesome, btw. Nice work girlie!

  19. You never fail to make me smile when I read your blog. Now if only I could be reading and eating these yummy rolls at the same time. There are shorts in my drawers that only get worn around the house too and even then I question why I am wearing them with my pale white legs sticking out.

  20. Aimee @ ShugarySweets says:

    Oh these buns. So perfect in every sticky way. You crack me up girl!

  21. This is probably the funniest story of yours that I’ve read! I’m sorry, yes, I’m totally laughing at you.

    And the sticky buns were the perfect thing to post with a story containing Creepy Dad, UPS Hottie and CT… Which all btw sound like characters in a sitcom.

    Great, great post!!

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