Sometimes I wonder who I’ll end up marrying.
I don’t have the best track record of boyfriends, and I am beyond thankful none of them ever put a ring on it. Well, one did once, but it was more of a “promise” ring and it was kind of nullified when he cheated on me with a homeless person, but that’s another story for another day, and long story short, the ring was pawned and I became $200 richer… and single. Hallelujah!
And recently, I started rereading my old journals from my freshman/sophomore years of high school and OH MY LAWDDD, I am tooooootally happy I didn’t get too serious with my then-boyfriend. This was a person who wore butt-flaps on the backs of his pants, and liked sharing creamsicles (NO NO NOOOOOOOO grossest thing everrr).
Oh, and get this: so we had broken up at one point and I was all wracked with sadness because my fifteen-year old heart still ached for his stupid punkass, and so for my birthday, he told me he had an “extra special present” for me. I got all jazzed and he met me at my birthday dinner and explained to me my present: that he thinks he likes me again.
HE THINKS HE LIKES ME.
And in my journals I was all YAHOOOOO and jumping for joy over what could possibly be the worst present in all of existence, except for that one time when my grandma got me earrings that literally had bite marks in them, or that other time when my aunt bought me too-tight see-through lingerie and insisted I try it on (spoiler alert: I didn’t).
And like, lately I have nooooo luck in the dude department. I’ll go to the gym and make eyes with some buff dude pumping iron in the corner and he’ll just huff past me all serious-like. Or there will be a cute customer who comes into work and I kinda want to give him my number but then the next time he comes in, he’s with a random group of people including three girls, and I’ll have my coworker ask him casually if those are his coworkers and he’ll say no, which leaves me in one of those weird number-giving-out-limbos: should I, or shouldn’t I?
Or I’ll have a bunch of older guys hitting on me. I swear, if I had a dollar for every time an older man made a move on me, I’d have enough money to set up a dating website for feisty older guys seeking younger girls as I am sadly, not one of them. However, it didn’t stop a nice fellow who insisted I should come see his “awesome house” one time, or the other guy who suggested we should “grab a drink” at this restaurant nearby that totally sucks unless you’re like 95 years old and/or have no tastebuds.
I don’t even know why I’m talking about marriage. I am most definitely NOT ready for such a huge responsibility seeing as I spent my oil-change and bill money on a new pair of boots and some leggings with daisies and galaxies all over them. Also the fact that I still prefer being in a house alone over a house full of people and I can’t even imaaaagine what my bathroom sink would look like with a ton of little squiggly beard hairs all over it. Just thinking about it sends me into a meltdown.
Thankfully, whenever there’s a meltdown, there’s good food to eat my way out of it. Today’s “Congrats, You’re Not Married So Stop Melt-Downing” food happens to be a dessert egg roll. In other words, kinda sorta the bestest thing since galactic leggings.
Now get committed to these egg rolls, ya hear?
Strawberry Shortcake Egg Rolls *inspired by Shawn’s recipe at I Wash, You Dry
- 1 box Little Debbie Strawberry Shortcake rolls (6 count)
- 12 egg roll wrappers (found in the refrigerated section)
- Oil, for frying
- Powdered sugar, strawberry syrup, whipped cream, strawberries .. optional
- In a heavy bottomed skillet or pot, heat about 2" of oil to about 375 degrees F. I always test my oil by adding a little water on my fingertip, then dribbling the water into the oil. If it sizzles and pops lightly, it's ready! While the oil heats...
- On a clean, flat work-space, cut each strawberry shortcake roll in half lengthwise. Make sure your egg roll wrappers are facing you as a diamond-shape rather than a square-shape. Take a halved roll and place it in the middle of an egg roll wrapper. Take the bottom point of the diamond and fold it over the roll inside, gently rolling it back towards you to secure it in place.
- Fold in the sides and gently moisten the side flaps with a little water to better adhere. Then roll the rest of the wrapper up tightly, securing the final point with some water to adhere. Set aside and repeat the process until you have 12 egg rolls.
- Place about 5-6 egg rolls in the hot oil at a time, frying about 2-3 minutes on each side or until crispy and golden brown. Remove from the oil and let drain on a paper-towel-lined plate. Place on a platter and top with powdered sugar, strawberry syrup, whipped cream and strawberries, if desired. Eat and serve immediately. Makes 12; can easily be doubled, tripled or halved.
- **Note: if you can't find the Little Debbie Strawberry Shortcake rolls, try using Ding-Dongs, Banana Cream Pie rolls, or Twinkies instead!**
Who knew egg rolls (one of my fave greasy Chinese takeout staples) could be made into such a decadent dessert?! Certainly not I. These egg rolls take strawberry shortcake to a whole new level of interesting and deliciousness. First of all, the Little Debbie rolls themselves are like vanilla cake rolled up with whipped cream and strawberry preserves. When that deep fries within the egg roll shell, that jam and whipped cream frosting seem to caramelize inside of the roll, giving the inside a nice, buttery crunch. But it still has that sweet flavor and texture from the strawberry preserves inside. And the crunch on the outside — especially when sifted with powdered sugar! — is to-die for.
Make a big plate of these and serve them alongside the strawberry syrup — I guarantee your family will think you brought in some takeout but will be shocked and amazed that those “egg rolls” and “sweet and sour sauce” were actually a sweet treat!
Have a tasty day!