So… I’m single.
And please don’t get all Sad Sampson on me. I am doing okay, with a few exceptions of which I will gloss over on this sophisticated list.
Also, you should know that ‘sophisticated’ is not a word I’d use for a freshly single person. Unless sophisticated means eating your feelings constantly, letting your new pixie cut reach Thing 1 and/or Thing 2 heights and craziness, and wanting nothing more than to watch Too Cute on Animal Planet because it appears animals are the only things on this earth who are incapable of breaking up with you. (How many times has a dog said to their owner “I don’t think this is working out, so I’m gonna go ahead and be the bigger person here and leave. It’s not you, it’s me.”) Right.
So, A List of Things (Practical and Not) I Hate About Breakups
Realizing that your town isn’t that big and the possibility that you two cross paths, while very slim, is still possible.
Knowing that any rapport and bonding you’ve created with his family is now gone, and you’ll have to establish a new rapport/bonding with another family with your future boyfriend. And you kind of hate telling the same stories over and over and over.
Also, using the bathroom at the new boyfriend’s house. TERRIBLE. (It took me almost a year to feel comfortable to go #2 in Jessie’s bathroom. WHAT IF THEY SENSE I’M POOPING?!)
That feeling like he’s out on some fun adventure, perhaps with the girl you suspect has a huge crush on him because she’s somewhat of a harlot and makes it painfully obvious she likes him when she calls him at 11pm on Friday nights “for no reason”.
Then proceeding to overthink about what they’re doing (or not, because it’s also likely it isn’t even happening but you’re fragile at the moment and thus, more dramatic than usual), and about how he’s showing her all the cool places you two used to go to. Like your favorite pizza joint downtown, or the abandoned cemetery where you took so many cool pictures.
Hating both he and the potential harlot and eat your feelings in chips and spicy black bean dip.
Hating yourself for checking your phone every so often, and oh so casually, as if you’re checking the time but really, you’re checking to see if he has sent you some long, lovesick text message explaining he messed up and is so sorry and he wants you back with the power of a thousand suns being moved by Alaskan Malamutes, because you heard on an episode of Too Cute that one alone could tow up to 3,000 pounds and that’s like, A LOT of weight. And also reaffirms that dogs > humans.
Staring longingly at your dog and creepily wish he was human because he’d be perfect for you.
Also, stopping to allow your dog to sniff the friendly neighbor Border Collie named Zoe, because if he falls in love with Zoe, he will leave and you will inevitably be broke because you’ll then buy out Ben & Jerry’s and weigh 2376283584734 pounds.
Also, you’ll probably convince Ben and Jerry to create a new flavor, “My Pain Tastes Like Ice Cream” which will be sold in 19-gallon-sized containers.
Aaaaand you’ll hound Starz to play cheesy love movies on repeat. And somewhat be thankful that they’re on some kind of Nicolas Sparks kick and play The Vow every 2 hours. And you’ll suddenly become irrationally jealous of Paige and the car accident and kind of wish you could lose your memory, too, and kind of hope that when you come to, Channing Tatum would claim he was your husband. But you’ll also settle for Jennifer Lawrence at your bedside nursing you back to health.
Cleaning your room/Facebook/photo album on your phone of any remnants that may or may not provoke unnecessary tears and/or nostalgia while in the middle of eating your 19-gallon ice cream (which, by the way, has layers of different flavors that somehow magically work together because a girl needs some variety since ONE THING IN HER LIFE CAN’T WORK RIGHT, GAWDDDD).
But really, I’m okay
And I’m celebrating Valentine’s Day with my family and my special Valentine, my Manniepoo. And of course, that neverending pit of ice cream and cheesy rom-coms because I’m horrible and cliche. And in between breaths of ice cream shoveling, I’ll stuff my face with this highly addictive and seriously simple Valentine Heart Chow.
I got the idea from Ali at Gimme Some Oven when she posted some seriously ADORABLE conversation heart popcorn. I knew I wanted to use my favorite Valentine’s candy in a unique way, too, but also in a simple way since I can’t do much except listen to the same song over and over and continue to stretch out the elastic in my yoga pants. Thus, this easy chow was created!
Valentine Heart Chow *inspired by Ali’s popcorn recipe
4-5 cups Chex cereal
1/2 pkg white chocolate almond bark (I heart Candiquik)
1 cup (or so) Valentine Corn
1 & 1/4 cups Conversation Hearts (about 10-12 small boxes)
1. First, line a flat work space with wax paper, such as your counter. Meanwhile, add the cereal and Valentine Corn into a large bowl.
2. Melt the white chocolate according to package directions until smooth. Pour the chocolate on top of the cereal and gently toss the cereal into the chocolate to coat.
3. Spread the coated cereal onto the wax paper in an even layer. Immediately sprinkle with the heart candies. Allow the mixture to set before breaking into pieces and store in an airtight container.
I am a white chocolate lover, and a lover of all things snack-y, so this chow was perfect for me to nosh on while watching TV or reading. You could jazz it up with a chocolate drizzle or throw in some M&M’s, but I liked it simple and sugary with the candy corn and the conversation hearts. Totally yummy!!
Have a great Monday!