I’m sure you guys have all seen the previews for that new freakshow movie, Possession.
Typically, I’m not a fan of scary movies because I’m a fraidy-cat and also, my (newish, nice-ish) house suddenly becomes this creepy abandoned mansion whenever I watch scary movies, choosing to be all moan-y and creaky with branches scratching at the window panes.
But the main reason I’m not going to see Possession isn’t because I’m scared of the movie, but rather, I have a scary, personal relationship with being possessed by a demon and the idea of some demon-child (side note: why are children always the possessed ones? Because they can pretend to be evil so easily? That’s what I thought, kids. Your crying over spilled milk act doesn’t fool me) running around with bats flying out of her eyeballs hits a little too close to home.
So a few months ago, I was perusing Pinterest with my mom, trying to find cute haircuts to switch up my look. “Mom,” I said, “how about this one?” and pointed to a cute bob with some pixie bangs. “OMG, THAT’S SO CUTE!” my mom replied, probably not as enthusiastic as that, but whatever. I printed the picture out and booked my appointment with my stylist a few weeks out. Meanwhile, I went along my merry way.
Yet the next day, something creepy happened. I went to style my hair before work and suddenly, my bangs had inched over just so. I tried spraying them down with a gallon of hairspray, only to have them fling back in the wrong direction like some pesky angsty teenager. “You’re grounded, a-hole bangs,” I’d curse them, and then I realized I was talking to my bangs and that’s frowned upon, y’all.
Days passed and my bangs went PSYCHO. Like straight-up BANG CRAZY, PEOPLE. I tried pinning them when wet, blow-drying the living frizz out of them, using as much gel as Pauly D, and praying to hair gods for some kind of divine bang intervention but nothing.
Then one morning, I woke up and my bangs? They looked like THIS. John Travolta in Old Dogs hair. I looked like John Travolta.
This wouldn’t have been my worst nightmare had I been John Travolta circa Grease, but Old Dogs? Really? I had been a woman possessed… by hair.
Yes, it can happen.
Anyway, I survived after a trip to the mall, some wine coolers and eventually, my haircut. However, now anytime my bangs begin to stray (like, UGH, right now) I get creepy shivers wondering if JT’s bangs will return and haunt my face like a creepy 50-year-old man haircut.
I hope you know this has nothing to do with pizza. But science proves that eating Sugar Crumb Pizza can reduce the risk of paranormal entities screwing with your hairstyles. Fact.
Another fact? This pizza is delicious and should be required to be eaten by your family. You’ll quickly become possessed by it, but that’s okay. Being possessed by a pizza is cooler than being possessed by John Travolta.
1 pkg refrigerated pizza dough
1 stick butter, at room temperature
1/2 (heaping) cup brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
3 Tbsp flour
1/2 cup oats
Vanilla icing (in a can works, or quickly mix up your own by combining powdered sugar, vanilla extract and a splash of milk), for drizzing
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Liberally grease a pizza pan with cooking spray. Roll the dough out onto the pizza pan in a circle.
2. In a medium bowl, combine the butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, flour and oats with a fork until a creamy paste has formed. Spread the mixture over the entire pizza, laying it on thick.
3. Bake the pizza until golden and bubbly, about 12-15 minutes, watching it closely as not to burn it. Remove from oven and let stand a couple minutes.
4. Drizzle the icing on top of the still-warm pizza. Cut into wedges and serve immediately. This is best eaten the same day it’s made. It would also be great with a big plop of vanilla ice cream on top!
**Note: After making this, I realized using premade sugar cookie dough would be AWESOME as a crust. I didn’t have that on hand so I used pizza dough (which was still awesome), but consider the cookie crust when you make it!**
Have a great day!