A couple Fridays ago, Jessie asked me if I’d like to go see his friend’s band play again at the bowling alley/sports bar place they played last time.
You know, the time with Blondie, Led Zeppelin and that gang of awesomeness I talked about in THIS post?
Because it was such an unexpectedly AWESOME time last time, I figured this time, my head would likely explode from the overwhelming sensory overload between middle-aged women dancing, cover songs and too much alcohol. A promising night, indeed.
However much I had hoped and prayed it would deliver, it just… didn’t. That’s not to say I didn’t have fun–I did, until a certain point and then the thought of a dentist probing my mouth with a hook sounded more entertaining.
First of all, there was seldom any dancing this time. Save for a rowdy group of tipsy bridesmaids attempting to pop, lock & drop it and digging deep to mouth to words to House Of Pain’s “Jump Around”, the dance floor was only occupied by dead-air… and occasionally an older Hispanic man who kept shaking his hips and pointing at the band and sound equipment. He became my new favorite. Always pointing, always happy. I bet he’s still pointing at something as we speak.
Second of all, Jessie and I met up with some of his friends and one of them brought his new lady friend. She was okay if she had never spoken, had not rolled her shirt up to reveal her belly and didn’t insist every 10 seconds that I either try her cinnamon whiskey or dance with her. On second thought, Doc, let’s just pretend I have cavities on every tooth. Get to drilling.
The worst part was that Jessie sat back obliviously, sipping his margarita like a badass while I had to play babysitter with the 24-going-on-11 girlfriend of his friend. Each time she shoved her drink at me, insisting I try how it tastes “so much like a Fireball!” I had to think of an excuse to deflect her offers. Apparently, saying “no”, “I’m not a whiskey drinker”, “I hate atomic fireballs”, “I’m not a whiskey drinker”, “NO”, and “I have a rare genetic disease in my mouth that causes internal blisters and bleeding if I drink whiskey” wasn’t sufficient enough and she continued to pester. Meanwhile, I was frightened that she may actually have that kind of disease and became wary of my proximity to her in case I died that night.
Then there was the dancing. Side note: I belly danced for over 4 years and did tap, ballet and jazz as a kid and in college. I loved it. It’s fun and exhilarating and the best workout ever. However, I’m not a public dancer. And I was also wearing my Betsey dress which pretty much requires no physical activity except to look like a badass. Yet this pixie kept trying to get me to dance, literally dragging me out of my chair onto the dance floor where I attempted to shake my ass through the humiliation to some Journey song. Somewhere between the dancing next to bridesmaids in designer jeans, being peer pressured by this woman-child, being fully conscious that I was definitely not as drunk as one should be to dance like this and the fact that I loathe Journey, I tip-toed back to the table in shame and waited until someone would hopefully call with a life-threatening emergency, including but not limited to “I can’t open this pickle jar” or even “just come home and watch MTV with me.”
When watching Jersey Shore willingly becomes a better alternative to what you’re currently doing, you need to reevaluate your priorities.
Eventually, the dirty-dancing teenybopping girlfriend got annoyed with me and snapped “why’d you even come if you’re not going to dance?” to which I responded “I need to make a dentist appointment” and left.
It was the worst most promising event yet. At least I got writing material out of it, and for that, I’m grateful. Also that I didn’t contract a life-threatening disease. And now have the world’s nicest teeth.
Anyways, I made you cupcakes of the cinnamon roll variety. Sure, I’ve made Cinnamon Roll Cupcakes before, and while delicious, they’re lacking the basic component of a true cinnamon roll cupcake: They’re not stuffed with actual homemade cinnamon rolls like this one. Oh yeah, I went there.
1 box yellow cake mix, plus ingredients on back of box
1 small box sugar free/fat free instant vanilla pudding mix
For Cinnamon Rolls:
1 can crescent rolls
1 Tbsp melted butter
About 1/2 cup cinnamon sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
For Cinnamon Roll Frosting:
2 sticks butter, softened
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 pkt Duncan Hines Frosting Creations in Cinnamon Roll
1/4 cup brown sugar
About 5 cups powdered sugar
Cinnamon sugar, for topping finished cupcakes
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a muffin tin with about 20 paper liners.
2. Prepare the cake mix according to package directions. Stir the pudding mix into the batter to combine. Set aside while you prepare the cinnamon rolls.
3. For the rolls, on a clean & flat work space, roll out the crescent roll dough. Press the perforations together to seal and gently stretch it to form a large rectangle; have the longest sides on top and bottom. Brush the rectangle with melted butter and sprinkle the plane of dough liberally with the cinnamon sugar and brown sugar; press the sugars gently into the dough with your palm.
4. Starting at the bottom long end, gently roll the dough into a log shape, mending any holes in the dough as you go. Gently cut the cinnamon roll log in twenty small equal pieces (or as many as you can get out of it).*
5. Drop in a heaping Tablespoon of batter into the bottom of each muffin cup; top with a raw mini cinnamon roll in the middle. Top with remaining batter until the cup is filled about 3/4 full of batter. Bake for approx. 15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool completely while you prepare the frosting.
6. For the frosting, in a large stand mixer, beat together the butter and vanilla until creamy. Gradually add the powdered sugar, about 1 cup at a time, until frosting is light and fluffy. Beat in the cinnamon roll flavor packet and the brown sugar to combine.
7. Pipe the frosting onto the cooled cupcakes. Garnish immediately with cinnamon sugar, if desired. Store airtight at room temperature for one day, or in the fridge airtight for 2 days.
These make a great breakfast treat and also taste good slightly warmed up. Even the naked muffins are awesome by themselves–the cinnamon roll is a fun, buttery surprise in the middle of the cupcake. And the frosting–don’t get me started. Buttery, rich in molasses and sugar flavor and perfect on top of these yummy cinnamon roll cupcakes!
My dentist will be happy.
Have a great day! So glad to be back!