I don’t want to brag or anything, but I pretty much just revolutionized the whole tedious concept of losing weight.
Why spend hours at the gym doing leg lifts on some sweaty machine or falling prey to some muscular dude in shorty-shorts as he intently watches your bicep curls? Why sacrifice things you love–bread, alcohol, sugar, butter–for things you don’t–juice diets, bird seed, RAISINS.
Ugh, don’t even get me started on raisins. They’re basically devil food. You take grapes, which are perfectly fine & good on their own, and then dry them out to make these miniature shriveled creatures that taste and look as hideously unappealing. Every time I see raisins, I feel like I’m eating incredibly tiny old people… all wrinkly and innocent until they were sun-dried to death and exploited into some fake-grape product. You don’t fool me, raisins. I’m onto you.
BTW, I do enjoy craisins because they’re fake raisins. Also because fresh cranberries don’t rub me the right way. Also, I’ve never seen golden grapes, but golden raisins are particularly nice in salads. Also, I’m done with my raisin rant.
Anyway, back to my revolutionary weight loss idea. There’s no point in working your butt off or starving yourself. Eat all the carbs you want, like I do. Slack off at the gym or skip it completely and watch Pretty Little Liars instead like I do.
All you have to do is stand outside. Or sit outside. For hours.
I don’t know about you, but it’s 108 degrees here. We are sweating our booties off just by staring into the sun, much less being outside for longer than 30 seconds. After a minute, your body has a full-on gloss of sweat, and anything pushing after a minute and a half and you’ve already lost like, 10 pounds.
So basically, all you have to do is sit outside with a glass of sangria, read some trashy magazine, and sweat those pounds off. Easy. Peasy. No shorty-short creeps. No one else’s sweat on your chair. No silent treatment against carbs because what the hell did they ever do to you. Just you, drinking yourself silly and learning about TomKat’s divorce.
Meanwhile, you can certainly snack on this easy popcorn while you shed those pounds. It’s a cinch to make & tastes great… what more could you ask for?!
About 8 cups air-popped popcorn
1/2 pkg white chocolate almond bark
1 pkt Duncan Hines Flavor Creations in White Chocolate Raspberry
1 bag raspberry M&M’s
1 bag chocolate covered almonds
1. Start by lining a clean, flat work-space with wax paper. Meanwhile, melt the chocolate bark according to package instructions until smooth & melted. Stir the packet of flavoring mix into the white chocolate and stir to blend.
2. In a large bowl, stir together the popcorn and the raspberry chocolate mixture, gently tossing to thoroughly combine. Immediately spread the popcorn in an even layer onto the wax paper and sprinkle the wet popcorn liberally with the M&M’s and the chocolate almonds.
3. Allow the mixture to set for about 30 minutes before eating. Package leftovers in an airtight baggy for up to 2 days.
Now I can definitely get behind this exercise and eating regimen
Have a good Thursday!