I am always continually amazed at some of the things people say.
If you think some of the things I say are crazy, you have no idea.
Believe it or not, I actually have a filter; a thing called “common sense” and more importantly, “common decency.”
I don’t run around telling people their outfits look weird or tacky even if I think so, I don’t say cruel or outlandish things (usually), especially not to strangers (who don’t deserve it).
For some reason, I’ve found that people tend to lose their decency filter when it comes to tattoos.
Love them or hate them, tattoos are, well, everywhere. If you don’t have one and don’t want one, I respect that. They’re expensive, scary, intimidating and yeah, unnecessary. No one needs a tattoo, of course. And if you hate them, I respect that, too. Frankly, I hate piercings. I just don’t bring it up to people who like them or have them, and I’m pretty sure y’all are cool cats and don’t do the same thing to people who love or have ink or studs in their face.
Because we’re decent people.
And anyway, most of the time, people will ask me about my cupcake tattoo and why I have it, or tell me they like it, or say it’s cute, and that’s that. And I think it’s awesome that people like it since I love it, too. I also think it’s awesome that I can show it off at work since I used to work at other places who were so stuffy about them.
I’ll have you know I worked at a frozen yogurt shop that blasted pop songs from the early 2000′s and called their employees “spoonologists.” I’m pretty sure having a tattoo wouldn’t destroy the uber-serious, conservative image they were obviously going for.
Anywho, one day I was at my current job, minding my own business and busily taking and running orders to customers. We were settling down in the day and I was delivering sandwiches to a couple who were waiting outside (and for the record, had the most complicated sandwich order ever) and I tried not to judge them for that when they were ordering and making me partially homicidal.
I set their sandwich baskets down, told them to “enjoy”, and turned around to pick up trash on another table (sidenote: seriously? Why people abandon their trash for me to pick up after is beyond me when there’s a trash can one foot away. If you can’t Kobe that sh*t and throw your trash away then you need to be put away forever in a single cell for being the worst human. Forreals.) when the lady said, “excuse me.”
Figuring she’d have a question or comment about her sandwich, I turned around and said “did you need something?” in my polite voice. She smirked and said, “what’s that on your leg?” and pointed toward my tattoo. I smiled back and said “a cupcake. I like to bake!” And she said: “wait forty years and then see what that cupcake looks like.”
And then picked up her mayo-laden sandwich and shoved it into her wrinkly, fat face.
I stood there for a brief moment, deciding if I should get all violent on her and smack her senseless with a sandwich basket, but I didn’t want to clean up blood and also, there was a toothless man approaching the door and I wouldn’t want a witness, so I just cleared my throat and said, “well, I use SPF every day so I’m not too worried, but thanks for your input” and made sure the “put” part was really snappy-like and I turned on my heel to leave.
Just then, toothless man said to the woman, “don’t be jealous” and she looked at him all like “did a man with no front teeth just insult me?” and he looked at her like “shut the hell up you crazy bat” and I looked at both of them and was like I bet if I did smack her, the toothless man would probably join in and then he walked in the shop with me and ordered sandwiches and I told him thanks for standing up for me.
Because you really never know when a toothless man can and will tell some catty old broad to shut her stupid mouth.
But forreal, who says that to someone? “Wait til you see what your tattoo will look like in forty years.” Well, I’m pretty positive anyone with ink either A) doesn’t care what it’ll look like; B) is taking avid care of it to ensure its life and vibrancy; C) may die before it turns gross; D) may have it covered up, touched up, or removed by then; and E) doesn’t care what your stupid opinion of their ink is.
As long as I don’t ever look half as heinous as that wicked old witch, I’ll be good.
SPF and excellent dermatological genetics help wonders. Also, not being so catty and senile. And fudge helps.
Especially of the bubblegum variety. It’s basically a new-age skin remedy making you look and feel like, 40 years younger. So for me, that’s nonexistent years old, but you catch my drift. Or anyway, it’ll take you back to carefree childhood days of smacking on thick, chewy pieces of Double Bubble.
Yup, I combined my love affair of bubblegum with the ease and simplicity of two-ingredient fudge. Y’all had to know some of this would happen sooner or later.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you, because this fudge is psycho sweet and tastes IDENTICAL to bubblegum. I mean, you’ll take one bite and want to chew up all that sweet, luscious bubblegum flavor. It’s intoxicatingly delicious, adorable and OMG… it will do common decency to your mouth-hole, people.
And you know how I feel about common decency.
1 pkt Duncan Hines Bubblegum Frosting Creations mix
1 pkg white chocolate chips
1 can vanilla frosting
Chopped Double Bubble gum, if desired
1. Line an 8×8 inch baking pan with foil, extending the sides of the foil over the edges of the pan. Lightly mist the foil with cooking spray and set aside.
2. Meanwhile, in a large microwave-safe bowl, zap the white chocolate chips for one minute. Stir, add a splash of oil if needed, and continue heating for another 30 seconds or until smooth & melted.
3. Immediately stir the bubblegum flavor mix into the chocolate chips, followed by the can of frosting, gently combining. Lastly, fold in the sprinkles.
4. Spread the mixture evenly into the prepared foil-lined pan. Sprinkle the tops with additional sprinkles and chopped gum pieces, if desired. Allow to set for about 2 hours in the fridge, 3+ room temperature, before cutting into squares to serve.
5. Store leftovers airtight at room temperature for about 2-3 days.
And uh, you should get in on some of this goodness too.