Snickers Cupcakes

A few days ago, I’d decided I’d had enough with this raccoon business.

I live in a neighborhood where apparently, at the exact witching hour, they’re roaming about, eating bugs, fighting housecats and rummaging through garbage. AND I WANT TO SEE ONE, DAMMIT.

Dude, how hard is it for me to see a raccoon? Apparently, very hard since I’ve lived here three years and have yet to see an effing raccoon.

So a couple days ago, I had hit my end and wanted to explore. I convinced Jessie to sit outside of my neighbor’s house and stare at the storm-drain across the street, convinced an entire family (including the in-laws, extended cousins and great grandparents) of raccoons would hoist themselves up from the sewers and wow the sh*t out of me with their mystical raccoon powers.

But I have this problem when it comes to waiting that prevents me for waiting maybe a grand total of about one minute and twenty-one seconds before it feels like I’ve been waiting for hours and I become restless and impatient… more than usual.

Also, Jessie tried telling me they were nocturnal, which meant they wouldn’t be coming out around 8:30 because it wasn’t dark enough yet to go hunting.

Um, they’re raccoons. What in the world do they POSSIBLY do besides eat and sleep? If I slept all day, you can bet your ass I’d be itching to crawl out of my poop drain and grab some half-eaten food in someone’s garbage can even if it was only dusk. I really doubt they have like, watches or clocks or something, much less a concept of time, so I was just hoping one would crawl out and be like “Ohmigawd guys, I am so sorry to keep you waiting! I was just so damn hungry from sleeping all day and decided why the hell not start my hunting thirty minutes earlier, you know?

Also he’d wear a pocket-watch and a monocle, because that’d be effing adorable.

So we decided to take a long, leisurely walk through the neighborhood to hunt for some raccoons, or “rackies” as I lovingly dubbed them.

“So I’m hoping we find some rackies or maybe a prostitute. Now that’d be a good night,” I said to Jessie.
“Prostitutes? They aren’t even around here,” Jessie replied.
“Yeah, but that’s the whole magical aspect of it, you know? That they could be anywhere. They’re magical.”
“Why don’t you go down to Fulton Ave and find some? Or Vegas?” Jessie suggested unhelpfully.
“Because,” I started, “that defeats the purpose. Every girl is a prostitute in Vegas. It’s not novel.”
“True,” Jessie said. “Very true.”

We walked through the creepy dark park at nighttime and Jessie convinced me that jackals were going to eat me (he is very loving). And as we were walking home, we spotted this cat laying on the base of a basketball hoop in someone’s driveway and decided to swoon it. But as you know, cats are fickle creatures and really don’t give a sh*t if you’re cooing at it and basically fawning all over it; they are narcissistic and careless of your feelings. Basically, if the zombie apocalypse doesn’t kill us all, cats will rule the world and make us their bitches.

Anyway, I quickly grew tired of trying to impress this strange cat but Jessie, however, was hell-bent on impressing this feline and crouched into the sidewalk to get on its level. The cat just stared at us stupidly, probably distracting us from a gang of jackals approaching us from behind.

“Come on, we got to find some hooks and rackies, Jess,” I said, losing patience with this cat, but instead, Jessie walked up their dark driveway and tried petting this a*hole cat who was rolling around on its back now, clearly showing off and being a douche.

That also happened to be the same time a minivan began approaching as Jessie and I were leaving, and noticed the minivan crawl to a slloooooowww pace right beside us. I tried to be cool and collected, walking at a unsuspecting pace, when I noticed the minivan was slllooooowwwlly pulling into the same driveway with the douche cat and I thought to myself, greaaaat. The last time this happened, I almost had a career as being a prisoner named Big Bertha.

Now, I figured it was highly probable these people would call the cops because some suspicious, meddling kids were picking on his housecat and had distracted the cat to leave the base of the basketball hoop which could have ended badly if that cat had actually been anchoring down the hoop because what if it broke?

And then the cops would come out and question us and be like, “Excuse me, miss? Why were you teasing that man’s housecat in the dark? Or better yet, why were you night-walking? Don’t you know that’s creepy?”
“I know, officer and I’m so sorry. It’s just that we were looking for raccoons and possibly hookers and I really didn’t mean to tease that cat but if we’re being honest, that cat was totally an a*hole and wouldn’t even let us pet it; it just rolled around like a douche on the ground and I tried giving up on him so we could find a magical hooker or something but Jessie insisted on petting it, and that’s when I kind of lost control of the situation.”
“Wait, you were looking for hookers? Were you trying to proposition a hooker, miss?”
“Dude, NO! It’s just they’re kinda like mystical creatures to me because everyone says they exist but I have never seen one and I was hoping that, in the best case scenario, I’d find both raccoons and hookers because that’d be awesome.”
“Why didn’t you go to Vegas and find a hooker? There’s like a bajillion of them down there.
“Ugh, IT DOESN’T COUNT!!!”

But the police never came and Jessie and I ended up walking home and watching a show about prison inmates and thus, never found neither a prostitute or any raccoons. I would call it a complete lose-lose since I was hoping I’d find one or the other, or maybe a supposed jackal, but instead I think I got a mosquito bite which totally made the night raccoon-hunting adventure a total bust.

Raccoons and hookers are soooo overrated.

You know what isn’t overrated? Snickers Cupcakes. Holy cow, they rock. A rich, dense chocolate cake with caramel icing, a caramel drizzle and chopped Snickers bars? Yes please.

Totally makes up for non-existent, real-life magical things.

Snickers Cupcakes

1 box chocolate cake mix, plus ingredients on back of box
1 small box sugar free/fat free instant chocolate pudding mix
Caramel Frosting (recipe and ingredients follow)
Caramel sauce (for drizzling)
About 6 mini Snickers bars, roughly chopped

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 muffin tins with about 24 paper liners. In a large bowl, prepare the cake mix according to package directions; stir the dry pudding mix into the batter to combine.
2. Portion the batter evenly among the muffin tins, filling about 2/3 full. Bake for approx. 15-18 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool the cupcakes completely while you prepare the frosting.

Caramel Frosting

2 sticks butter, softened
1/2 cup caramel syrup (the coffee syrup [like Torani], not the sundae syrup)
About 6 cups powdered sugar

1. In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together the butter and caramel syrup until blended and creamy. Gradually add the powdered sugar, about one cup at a time, until frosting is light and fluffy. Add more powdered sugar if frosting is too thin or wet.
2. Pipe the frosting high onto the cooled cupcakes. Immediately after piping, drizzle the frosted cakes with the caramel sauce. Sprinkle the cakes with the chopped Snickers bars.
3. Store leftovers airtight for 1-2 days. Best served the same day.

Not only are these pretty, they taste pretty darn close to a Snickers bar. Rich, sweet and slightly salty from the peanuts in the candy bar and the caramel sauce–and absolutely perfect!

I hope you enjoy! Have a wonderful day!

xo, Hayley

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Comments

  1. I’d love me some of these!

  2. I LOVE snickers yum! Your racoon story is not far off what i went through with foxes a few months ago,every member of my family saw it roaming our neighbourhood…….I have yet to see the fox:(

  3. Mmmm…Snickers is my favorite candy bar. Well, it is until you make something with a Milky Way or a 3 Musketeers.

  4. You make me laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a hooker either. Unless you count when I pretended to be one on Halloween. So did Mel. Funny photo, I’ll have to show you sometime.

    These cupcakes rock. I mean, Snickers? How could they not?

  5. When I made them, I used the ice cream kind of caramel syrup because, well, it’s what I had and I was too lazy to find anything else. It still works great!

  6. Ooo, I want these with the dark chocolate Snickers! Wait, that’s actually the Milky Way… the Midnight Milky Way or whatever. Whichever, they both sound amazing!

  7. LOVE your photographs on this post! They are completely framable, if not edible!!!

  8. We had a fox in our neighborhood a couple of months ago. Crazy! And kind of cool, though I’m glad we were in the car when we spotted him. =)

    By the way, what photo editing software do you use? Your pics are totally amazing!! Also amazing are these cupcakes–a total must make!!! Snickers are my fave candybar!

    • OMG, I wanna see a fox! So awesome. They’re so adorable; I would want to foxnap one and keep him as a pet 🙂
      Also, I don’t edit my pictures! Haha I am FARRR too lazy to edit pictures, even though Jessie installed Lightroom on my computer. I take the pics, upload them to Facebook (because I like the dimensions FB automatically sets the pictures to) then save the cropped picture, then write the text with Paint. I just try to photograph with natural light whenever possible, and usually never photograph past 3pm. Thank you!!

      • Wow, I never would have guessed–your pictures always look so great! I try to shoot in natural light, but I often don’t get home from work until after 6:00 and usually photograph what we eat for dinner…so, the natural light thing doesn’t always happen. =) Anyway, love your pictures!

        • I totally understand! On Fridays before work, I race to the store, buy everything, and make as much as I can for the blog before I leave at 10:20 (yeah, I’m at Walmart by 6:30 sometimes–I’m weird) and sometimes I don’t make it. In those cases, I’ll shoot when I get off around 4ish; the light isn’t always the greatest, but sometimes I can steal some extra light if I move everything outside! And dude, your pictures are AWESOME. I love them all; so crisp and clear and detailed, you can’t tell how or if they’re edited, taken where, or anything. They just ROCK. And that’s what matters!! PS, how you liking your new 3100?!

      • Totally loving the 3100! I’d like it more if I knew how to work all of the buttons, but I’ll get there (hopefully!)! =) Thanks for the recommendation!

  9. Rackies are creepy. They have spooky people like hands and dig through trash and thow it all over the place and when you catch them they stare at you and then waddle away in a creepy mannor. And don’t get me started on cats. Not a fan. They’re way too snooty for my liking.
    But these cupcakes… Please tell me you’ll send me some?? They are gorgeous, for one thing, and I can almost taste them now, i really REALLY want one (or 2)!

    • Hahahaha I wouldn’t know with the Rackies, but I am not a big fan of cats, either. They’re such snots! And FYI you are so welcome to as many of these cupcakes as you’d like 🙂

  10. Just wanted you to know that I was startled awake at 12:30 am by the magical sound of a raccoon fighting with a stray dog on my back deck last night. If you wanna see aracoon, put out marshmallows. Really! They love marshmallows, oh, and peanut butter. See they really are magical!

    • Rackies love marshmallows?! This is a dream come true! Augh, sorry you had to deal with a rackie-dog fight; honestly that sounds awful and hideously unpleasant and I would probably start crying obnoxiously since my vision of adorable, frolicking raccoons would be forever scarred by a dog-rackie fight, but still. Rackies, get ready for some s’mores action!! Thanks, Kim!

  11. Christy says:

    Would it make a big difference if I used Torani sugar-free caramel instead of the regular?

  12. Christy says:

    Awesome!!! Thanks.

  13. can i sub the sour cream for something else? or take it out entirely?

  14. I AM A CHRISTIAN says:

    Hi Domestic Rebel . I am going to try the snickers cupcakes and may even try different candy bars as well . Enjoyed reading your story on the raccoons . What I didn’t enjoy was the profanity and talk of hookers . NOT APPRIPRIATE !!

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