I’m not, and have never been a fan of drugs.
There was something so… uncool about them. Always.
I mean, don’t get me wrong: I got my “fix” by reading books about drug-riddled characters and lived vicariously through their addictions. I didn’t need a drug problem to add to my shopping habits, magazine obsession or addiction to Betsey Johnson (who I had a dream about last night and she totally designed me a dress and I got to star in one of her fashion shows and it was FLIPPING AWESOME).
Honestly, I got kind of upset when some of my close friends went down drugged-out paths, but I was only upset for like, a minute because I really don’t like wasting time and have you ever tried to hang out with someone on drugs? It’s no fun.
All they do is complain about weird stuff like how 7-11 ran out of Cheetos or how they got a DUI or whatever and I’m like “you’re depressing” and then I abruptly leave so I can go frolic in a meadow of happiness and embrace not being addicted to sh*t.
Plus, drug habits are expensive and since Betsey is already competing with my money, I hardly have cash to dole out on that kind of stuff.
I’m realizing now that kids are being subjected to drugs at a younger age, and that’s kinda whack. Kids are gonna do what they want to do, but I think the best “anti-drug” control out there comes from an unexpected source.
I don’t even know why it has a parental guidance recommendation because I think every kid should watch it. Dude, if my parents forced me to watch Jerry as a kid and threatened that I’d be overweight, toothless, working at a gas station and on national TV begging my two-timing boyfriend who may or may not actually be a boy to pleaseeeee take me back because me and my four kids neeeeed him, I would probably sh*t my pants and never EVER say yes to drugs. EVER.
Likewise, this effect could be obtained from watching Maury. I’m just partial to Jerry because his audience seems more condescending to these freaks than Maury’s. In fact, Maury’s audience is more reminiscent of America’s Got Talent where I’m pretty sure the audience members are volleying for a chance to be on stage themselves.
Also, watching Jerry makes me feel superior, like I am a better human than most people–which is true. And who doesn’t want to feel superior even for a fleeting one hour televised program?!
So parents, if you’re out there, please sit your child down one day and force them to watch this stuff. You may think it’s garbage, but one man’s garbage is another’s treasure. Think of all the money I’m saving by not doing drugs! Instead, I can spend it on frivolous tunics and pedicures. Yay!!
Now that I’m done lecturing parents on how to parent (yes, I am aware that’s annoying but this is my blog so neenerneener), I made you some cheesecake. Superior people eat cheesecake, did you know??
This isn’t ordinary cheesecake, however; it’s Circus Animal Cookie Cheesecake. And it’s miniature because small things are fun. Also because it’s the last day of Circus Animal Cookie Week and I needed to end it with something totally outrageously amazing and I think these fit the bill quite nicely.
1 cup Circus Animal Cookies, finely ground
1/2 stick butter, melted
2 pkg cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup dry sugar cookie mix
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line one muffin tin with about 12 paper liners and set aside.
2. In a medium bowl, combine the cookie crumbs and melted butter. Take a heaping Tablespoon or so of the cookie crumb mixture and press it gently into the bottom of each cupcake liner.
3. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, beat together the cream cheese and sugar until creamy. Beat in the vanilla extract and eggs to combine. Stir in the sugar cookie mix until incorporated, then stir in the rainbow sprinkles last.
4. Fill each muffin cup about 2/3 full of the cheesecake mixture; top each with a light sprinkling of remaining rainbow sprinkles.
5. Bake for approx. 20 minutes or until tops are just set. Allow the mini cheesecakes to cool on the counter for about an hour before allowing them to chill in the fridge for 3 hours. Store leftovers airtight for approx. 2 days in the fridge.
You can certainly eat these plain (like Jessie prefers) or jazz them up all naughty-like (like I prefer):
PS, Happy Birthday, Dad! You’re the greatest and I love you!