Sea-Salted Cotton Candy Kettle Corn

A few days ago, Jessie and I went to Target because we were bored.

Why yes, we do drive to Target or Walmart and people watch when we’re bored, why do you ask?

A homemade Walmart I-Spy game board may also be in existence in my desk drawer with I-Spy to-find objects such as “Possible Prostitute”, “Obnoxious, Unattended Children Screaming”, “Motor Cart Beeping Noise”, “Dead Fish”, and much more!

And yes, all of those have hatch marks next to them. However, “Absolutely Scary” (a broad category to fit all of the walks of life Walmart has to offer) and “Denim Dan” (when a man or woman wears double denim) usually rank highest, with a surefire runner-up as “Food In Wrong Places”, usually resulting in canned cat food in the freezers, and a bunch of bananas sitting on top of a pair of panties.

That’s what I call Visual Merchandising!

Anywho, Jessie and I didn’t want to fight unattended kids or deal with people in their motor carts (which after a certain hour, is nearly everyone), so we went to Target, where there’s marginally more class.

We were walking around mindlessly with absolutely no destination or need for anything when we ended up in housewares, which usually results in me wanting to look at plates for food staging and napkins and frilly, unnecessary things to furnish my house with. And FYI, “my house” = my parents house. So yeah.

We were browsing the aisles when we ended up at sheets. I pointed out sheets I liked and he wrinkled his nose. “I like these!” he said, pointing at BLACK SATIN SHEETS. I informed him I was not going to sleep in a bed with black satin sheets because I am not a $2 hooker and he laughed. I proceeded to point out a spring-y set with colored flowers on it and he gagged.

“We’d need like, two sheets for each season,” Jessie said. “Two for spring/summer, and two for fall/winter. So when one’s in the wash, we can use the other set.”

I mentally noted that was the wisest thing I’d heard him say in awhile as I happened to glance at the price-tag for aforementioned mutually-liked sheet set.

Fifty dollars.

Fifty times four? Are you kidding me? $200 on four sets of SHEETS?! Dude, what about food? Or makeup? Or magazines?! WTF. I can’t spend TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS on SHEETS!

Therefore, in that moment, I came to the realization that anyone who owns four or more sets of sheets is a freakin’ millionaire.

Seriously. Y’all are filthy rich!

I remember when Mervyn’s was around and my mom would shop there constantly since she used to manage Mervyn’s stores. I had some weird childish affinity with the bedding section and since they always had some “tween” bed set-up, I always fell in love with it. I was Mervyn’s tween bed-set’s target customer.

EVERRYYYTIME, without fail, I’d fall in love over the patterned sheet set and matching duvet. I’d fawn all over the cute, eclectic shams and how I wished I could have it and omg my bed will be SO COOL and all this jazz. Meanwhile, NEVERRRR looking at the price-tag because as a child I assumed my parents had to be rich and have extra money lying around for whimsical twin sheets.

And most of the time, my adoring mother would buy me a new sheet set, whether or not it was needed (and it most likely wasn’t). This included but wasn’t limited to: rainbow flower sheets, Powerpuff Girls sheets, Mickey Mouse sheets, a weird blue diamond-print sheets, margarita/martini print sheets (which took some convincing my mom to buy her twelve-year old daughter sheets with alcoholic beverages on them)… the list goes on.

Eventually, my mom grew tired of spending her hard-earned money on sheets for a thirteen year old and eventually, Mervyn’s went out of business, thus extinguishing my obsession with tween sheet sets.

Just so you know, I’m now 21 and still sleeping on Powerpuff Girl sheets. I guess old habits die hard because I have nevahhhh thought about buying “big girl” sheets and now I certainly don’t want to since I could buy a Betseyville bag or something with fifty bucks rather than something I sleep on. Pssshhhaw.

I also realized living with Jessie has the potential to be frightening and we dropped that discussion like a hot potato and moved on to looking at sunglasses.

Our relationship is strictly-sunglassses basis right now. Sorry, babe. I don’t make enough to afford sheet sets yet. I am obviously unadultlike in SO many ways it’s disgusting.

Speaking on that unadultlike note, I made some kettle corn. But again, since I am immature and stuff, I made it cotton candy flavored. I will disclaimer that MOST adults don’t like cotton candy because they realize it’s just blue sugar spun around into a cotton-ball-like consistency and hawked for $5 a stick at carnivals. But I can easily pass up funnel cakes and caramel apples in lieu of cotton candy. It’s just SO DAMN GOOD.

And this popcorn is no exception. It’s sweet, fun, slightly salty, crunchy and absolutely perfect.

Everyone will love this, sheet-shoppers and all.

Sea-Salted Cotton Candy Kettle Corn

About 4 cups kettle corn (I bought the prepared Trader Joe’s brand, but you could pop your own)
1/4 pkg (about 2-3 squares) white chocolate almond bark
1 pkt Duncan Hines Cotton Candy Flavor Creations
Rainbow sprinkles
Sea salt

1. Line a flat surface with wax paper. Spread the kettle corn in an even layer across the wax paper.
2. In a small bowl, microwave the chocolate bark for about 30 seconds. Stir, then zap for another 15 seconds or until smooth and melted. Pour in the cotton candy flavoring and stir to combine.
3. Drizzle the kettle corn copiously with the cotton candy mixture. Sprinkle immediately with rainbow sprinkles and sea salt.
4. Allow the mixture to set for approx. 30 minutes before bagging & sealing in a Ziploc. The popcorn will keep up to 5 days if stored airtight.

Before you scrunch your nose and get all “salt and cotton candy?!” on me, you must take my word for it: it’s great. The kettle corn already has perfected the sweet & salty thing, but this popcorn elevates it to a whole new level of amazingness. Plus, it’s totally carnival fun without all the toothless heroin addicts trying to pawn off dead goldfish on you and stuff.

Next time, Jessie and I are taking this to Walmart for snacks and a show!! A brilliant date night, if you ask me.

Have a wonderful weekend!!

xo, Hayley

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Comments

  1. 1. You crack me up.
    2. Walmart scares me and I avoid it at all costs.
    3. Your pictures rock. Cutest popcorn ever. Yum!
    4. Being adultlike is overrated.

  2. I want to play your Walmart game with you. Puh-lease? We could have SO much fun. Sheets are ridiculous. The fact that a set at TARGET is $50 is double ridiculous. Oh, and I need some of this popcorn. Um, it’s amazing. And may you be crowned Queen of the DH Flavor Creations!

  3. I’ve been craving Dylan’s Candy Bar popcorn, but this looks just as good.

    I think there’s some money to be made on your Walmart I-Spy game. When does production start?

Trackbacks

  1. […] I have always had a special soft spot for Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. I don’t remember the first flavor I’ve ever had, but I do remember as a kid I would BEEEEEGGGGGG my mom to buy me my own little pint of heavenly churned ice cream and she’d be like “BLAH BLAH IT’S TOO EXPENSIVE BLAAAH” and I wouldn’t understand because I was like, 5, and five year olds are incapable of understanding the concept of money, or at least I was, which was why I always asked my mom for million dollar sheets.  […]

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