I’m pretty sure I have a shopping addiction.
Seriously. When I see something I like, I like it. I think about it constantly. I’m perpetually day-dreaming of it, working it into outfits or situations until my brain feels like it’s bleeding internally from over-stimulation of “paired with my Sgt. Pepper’s jacket, or a denim jacket” questions.
I only wish I was kidding.
The worst part is I feel like without this item-of-the-day, my life will be completely ruined without it. Pointless, even. Like, if I don’t get that statement-making necklace, all my outfits are as good as burnt to measly ashes and I may as well die.
It’s so stupid and vapid and disgusting but I can’t help it. Apparently, I think I have the fashion budget of Cupcakes and Cashmere or something.*
*I do not actually have the budget of Cupcakes and Cashmere but rather the budget of the mouse perhaps living in her attic, or maybe the budget of a weed growing outside her front door. In other words, I am woefully poor.
And the worst, worst even more disgustingly stupid part? Once I give in and buy it, I’m SO over it. Like Twilight to Hunger Games to 50 Shades over it. Onto the next one.
I’m so fickle it’s ridiculous.
Well anyway, right now, my life seems to revolve around the perfect maxidress ever since I saw a classmate wear one a couple weeks ago. It was so simple: a black kimoni-style maxidress with black sandals. Easy, effortless and so cool.
Plus, I wouldn’t have to shave my legs. BONUS.
And it could be a fat day but I could still look socially acceptable. DOUBLE BONUS.
Obviously the aforementioned reasoning for burning my clothes sounds more justified without a maxidress, now doesn’t it?
They’re perfect. They hide all the gross lumps and bumps, they’re flowy and light, they’re on trend, and you can look like my classmate. They are practically curing a fashion disease, people.
And I want one. Bad.
But since everyone else had the same idea (lame), there is a slim pickin’ for them around these parts, or they are in bohemian-ish patterns which clash against my anti-hippie attire, or they’re tube-tops, which for some inexplicable reason DO NOT work well with boobs. Seriously, can someone explain the have boobs, have no tube top phenomenon to me?
Plus, tube tops give you uniboob and I wasn’t given two boobs to make it look like I have one. Or am smuggling a child’s pool innertube around my chest.
Anyway, I am currently woefully maxidressless and am searching for the perfect dress to wear for one day and then forget about at the back of my closet, now on the hunt for something else.
But in the meantime, I made some Neapolitan Bundt Cake which should also help with the lumps in bumps… as in LOSIN’ IT!
Yeah, you heard right. Because of egg whites, unsweetened applesauce and sugar-free syrups, this cake is surprisingly low-fat but mega delicious. And of course, on trend. So why not get some right now?!
BTW, it looks good with anything.
1 box white cake mix
3 egg whites
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 & 1/4 cups water
1/3 cup sugar-free chocolate syrup
1/3 cup sugar-free strawberry syrup
Trio Glaze (recipe & ingredients follow)
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally grease a bundt pan with cooking spray and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, combine the cake mix, egg whites, applesauce and water with an electric mixer and beat until smooth and blended, about 2 minutes. Evenly distribute the batter among three medium-sized bowls.
3. Stir the chocolate syrup into one bowl, and the strawberry syrup in a second bowl. Leave the third bowl with the original vanilla batter. You should have three bowls of batter, each a different flavor.
4. Take a generous spoonful of vanilla batter and spread it along the bottom of the greased bundt pan. Top with generous spoonfuls of the strawberry and chocolate batters, alternating layering the batters over and over until the pan is full and bowls are empty. With a knife, lightly swirl the batters, careful not to combine the flavors together too much.
5. Bake for approx. 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool in the pan about 20 minutes before inverting and releasing the cake to a wire rack to cool completely. Prepare the glazes.
3 cups powdered sugar, divided
6 tsp milk
Splash vanilla extract
1 Tbsp strawberry syrup
1 Tbsp chocolate syrup
1. Distribute one cup of powdered sugar into each of three small bowls. Add two teaspoons of milk to each bowl.
2. In one bowl, stir in the vanilla extract and continue stirring until a glaze forms. In the second bowl, stir in the strawberry syrup until a glaze forms. In the third, stir in the chocolate syrup until a glaze forms.
3. Once all glazes are stirrable and soft, drizzle them over the cake, alternating glaze flavors. Allow the glaze to harden, about 30 minutes, before slicing the cake.
4. Store leftovers in an airtight container for approx. 2 days.
While perfect and stylish on its own, this cake can easily be dressed down with a simple fork, or dressed up with some chocolate & strawberry sundae syrups and a healthy portion of whipped cream. It’s this season’s hottest dessert by far.
So why aren’t you making it yet?!
Cupcakes and Cashmere says to.*
*Cupcakes and Cashmere does not necessarily say to, but she is fairly fashionable and I’m sure she would endorse it if she knew who the hell I was and didn’t now think I was a weird psychopath who accused her home of having mice and weeds, of which I doubt, but now I’m sounding even weirder and for my own dignity, I’ll stop. Also, hi Emily! If you’re reading this, I swear I’m not this weird. Also, I’m lying. I am weird. But this cake is good. Be my friend?
Have a wonderful Monday!!