So a few days ago, I became really embarrassed while on my way to Dorothy‘s house.
Dorothy was giving me some treats in exchange for these very bars, so I decided to walk my dog and my boyfriend over to her abode to pick up some sweets.
While on our mid-afternoon walk, nature called Mannie and like most dogs, he answered with no regard to people, places, things or feelings. ..which brings me to a small sidenote.
You know those people with the squatting dog signs on their lawn “prohibiting” dogs using the bathroom on their yard? No? Well, in our neighborhood, people have taken a liking to stickers, picket signs or fence signs saying my dog is not allowed to poop on their grass.
While I understand this in theory–and while I have been the recipient of people who do not believe in picking up their dog’s, ahem, waste–ultimately, I can’t control when or where my dog uses the bathroom, including your lawn. Thankfully, I have invested in bags which allow me to pick up his waste in the most dignified fashion possible, so I will remove it from your lawn when he is finished.
Back to my story. We were walking and Mannie, well, you know. I did the respectable, neighborly thing and picked it up, but my next move was to find a trash can in a vacant house.
Why vacant? Because there’s nothing more awkward than approaching a house with their windows open or people outside or someone obviously home than to walk up their driveway to use their garbage to throw your dog’s poop away.
The house where he–yeah–had their windows open, so no dice. Fast forward a couple houses with hidden garbages and voila, a garbage can smack dab in the middle of the driveway of a two-story house with no cars. Bingo!
I passed Mannie off to Jessie and dutifully trekked up the driveway in a quick and unsuspecting fashion to toss the contents and did so successfully. Then Jessie made some mean, jokey comment about how “someone totally saw us” and “they’re totally home” while pretending to wave to a window upstairs. I rolled my eyes and we proceeded very briefly on our way when a van sloooooowed down right beside us.
“Can I help you guys? Is everything okay?”
Lo and behold, a woman in a minivan pulled right alongside us, look very bit suspicious at two characters and a three-legged dog.
“Uh, no we’re good. Everything’s fine,” we assured minivan lady.
“Oh, because you were in my driveway, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay since you know, you were there.”
In this brief moment of panic, I contemplated coming clean about the situation but found there was something un-consoling about telling someone you used their garbage to throw your dog’s sh*t away so I decided against that situation and figured staying suspiciously quiet was the better of the two options.
Jessie mumbled something incomprehensible about how we “weren’t there” and “everything is fine” while we both walked away and ignored the woman now pulling into the driveway where my dog’s #2 sat in her garbage.
And the whole time on my way to Dorothy’s, I kept thinking, she’s gonna call the cops. She’s going to report suspicious people lurking on her property. And then what do I say? That I threw my dog’s crap away in her trash? That I am guilty of trespassing and loitering?! That my dog can’t control his bowels?
I pictured the cops zooming past Dorothy’s house and arresting us, the guilty trio, on behalf of the minivan lady, clearly perturbed by seeing us on her property. And I’d have to call my family and ask them to please pick us up from jail and my mom would say no and remind me that one time she threatened us kids that if we ever called from jail she wouldn’t bail us out and so then I’d be stuck in jail for simply tossing my dog’s poop–contained in a plastic baggy and knotted so it wouldn’t spill out, mind you–into a strange minivan lady’s trash. And then I would be some scary woman’s girlfriend and live the gangster life in jail and get scary tattoos and have the name Bertha.
But basically, none of this happened, I got home safely with Dorothy’s treats and she got mine, and Jessie and I went on to eat pot roast and do absolutely nothing. Phew!! Convicts on the run, we are. We live a gangsta life.
So I’m betting you’re wondering what caused me to put my life on the line to deliver treats to my BFF Dorothy? They are Cotton Candy Bars and me oh my, they’re wonderful. Incredibly sweet, but really good. And easy to boot!
Basically, this is your line-up:
What’s that cotton candy packet!?, you ask? It’s a new Frosting Creations mix from Duncan Hines. Like Kool-Aid, but for your frosting. They have a BUNCH of flavors–all delicious–but cotton candy was screaming my name; the siren song of sweets.
No more funny business, though. If I go to jail soon, I need to tell you this recipe as my last words. Well, before I start talking gangster and cornrow-braid my hair.
1 box Funfetti cake mix
1/2 cup oil
2 pkts Duncan Hines Cotton Candy Recipe Creations Flavor Mix
1 cup white chocolate chips
1 can Duncan Hines Frosting Starter kit (sold next to the flavor mixes)
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 13×9 inch baking pan with cooking spray. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the cake mix, eggs, oil and ONE packet of the cotton candy mix with a rubber spatula until blended and combined. Stir in the chocolate chips.
3. Spread the mixture evenly into the prepared pan and bake for approx. 14-16 minutes or until edges are lightly golden and center is set. Allow to cool completely before frosting (center will set up a little more once removed from oven; just don’t overbake these!)
4. Stir the remaining flavor packet into the can of icing (or prepare your own vanilla buttercream, if you wish). Spread the icing evenly onto the cooled bars and top liberally with sprinkles. Pop in the fridge to set the icing for about an hour before cutting into squares. Store airtight for approx. 1-2 days.
If you’re jonesing for a real sugary, intoxicatingly sweet treat, this is it. The bars have a great texture, thanks to the white chocolate chips, and I am loving the possibilities with this flavor mix! Supah easy for badasses on the run.
Have a great Monday!
May be linked to: Trick or Treat Tuesdays, Crazy Sweet Tuesdays, Cast Party Wednesday,Dwell On Friday, Mrs. Fox’s Sweet Party, Sweet Treats Thursdays, Tuesday Talent Show, Sweet Tooth Friday, Sweets for a Saturday, Strut Your Stuff Saturday