In this cut-throat world nowadays, I think people need to have confidence.
This ain’t Hollywood, but anyone anywhere can make you or break you.
That’s why I have never cared what people thought of me. Not when I was dyeing my hair green. Not when I was wearing vintage 50’s waitress uniforms to school. Not when I was toting a bottle of mouthwash around as a toy as a girl. Not when I gifted my best friend a Barbie play set for her 11th birthday when everyone else got her “cool girl” things like clothes from Abercrombie and makeup and I was the only one giving her a toy. Not even when I got a tattoo–or three–and went against the advice of my parents (but hey, I love them still so until they look like meaningless blobs of spreading ink, I’ll love them. Promise).
Not when I talk to people’s dogs in public, barely engaging the actual human/pet owner of the dog in conversation but rather holding a pretend conversation with their four-legged friend. Not when, one time I was pretend singing to some Spice Girls song into my mom’s deodorant and I bonked my tooth on it, thus causing deodorant to cake to my front tooth and had my dad laugh at me for a long time while my breath smelled like baby powder. Not when I threw up the morning after downing way too many Mike’s Hard Lemonades. Not even then.
But strangely, I do care about certain, unimportant things. Things that plague me deeply, keep me up at night and things that force me into severe nail-biting situations that can’t be shaken by confidence.
Things like that I have a problem with authority in that, I respect it probably too much. Yes, you can do that. Like when you Facebook friend old teachers from middle school or high school and you suddenly become hyper-cautious of EVERYTHING you post. I mean, let’s get real: sailors don’t even have as bad of mouths as I do and I will regularly censor myself so my poor, sweet teachers don’t have to know their former student has a mouth dirtier than the bottom of a bum’s shoe. I mean, they’re probably crying nightly whenever they see me use the F-word in statuses and I’ll bet they’re discussing me at the dinner table: “It’s a shame. She was so good at economics but man, she has the worst mouth. I’ll forget everything good about her because she used the word ‘damn’ a little to heavily today.”
Or when it’s raining and I put my wipers on double-speed, I wonder if other drivers are looking at my wiper speed and thinking, it isn’t raining that hard. Who does this chick think she is? Speed #2 for mere sprinkles?! She’s being so over-dramatic. I bet she thinks she’s so awesome with her double-speed windshield wipers for a stupid mist of sprinkles. What a drama queen.
Or when I sleep over at Jessie’s house, I often wonder (and used to actually lose sleep over this in the beginning of our relationship) if he watches me sleep and therefore, has obviously noticed that more than half the time, I’m a mouth-breather. I bet you he lays there like, ugh, I’m dating a mouth-breather? Who does she think she is, a cave woman or something? Mouth breathers are SO GROSS. They don’t look all pretty like Snow White with their softly rising and falling chest and their perfectly pursed lips. She looks like a tranquilized gorilla. And did she just fart?!*
*more than likely, yes. And no, I don’t care about that.
Or when I go shopping and find something I like a lot but am kind of uncertain about. Say, a pair of pastel pants or a flashy dress and I’m shopping solo. Often times, I’ll ask the sales lady her opinion on the matter, to which she obviously gushes how great it looks and whatever, even if I look like a $2 hooker minus the track marks. But while this doesn’t irk me, I do worry that sometimes, I tend to be a bit too chatty with the salesgirls. I’ll start going into a detailed description of all my outfits and how I wear each piece. Sometimes I’ll pepper in some joke about how my boyfriend threatens he’ll break up with me if I bought so&so piece or how my mom will wonder why I purchased this color of so&so such&such. Then I’ll proceed to break down the psyche of Jessie and my mom, stating at what precise moment in life my mom decided she absolutely detested the color peach and why Jessie has such a freakish, intense aversion to leopard print jeans. And the salesgirl is probably like, what is happening to me? I do not get paid minimum wage to listen to this freak gab about her issues. I told her that sequin dress made her look good and as non-hookerish as possible; what the hell else does she want from me? A free therapy session in the accessories section? To listen to why sterling silver makes her think of creek beds?
Well, no need to restate it but I suppose if you’re new here it bears repeating: I have issues and may or may not be classified as “extremely neurotic.” But to make up for being borderline psychotic, I made you something cute and adorable and requires zero advice from hourly salesgirls and is surprisingly easy to make!
Here’s the breakdown on their irresistible cuteness:
24 miniature strawberry cupcakes, baked without liners and cooled*
1 pkg white chocolate almond bark
Pink gel food coloring
24 miniature cake cones
24 Red Hot candies
1. First, line a rimmed baking sheet with foil & set it aside. Microwave your almond bark according to package directions until completely melted and smooth. Stir in a little pink food coloring to your desired shade, stirring to combine.
2. Dunk each unwrapped mini strawberry cupcake into the melted chocolate, turning it to coat with a fork. Once coated, gently lift the cupcake out upside down (muffin top on bottom), allowing excess chocolate to drip off.
3. Working very quickly, carefully slide the wet cupcake onto the top of a mini cake cone, centering it with your fingers if necessary. Set the cake cone gently onto the foil-lined baking sheet and sprinkle immediately with non-pareils and top with a Red Hot “cherry.”
4. Repeat until all cake cones are complete and allow the cones to harden, about an hour, before eating. Keeps for about 1 day when stored airtight.
**Note: I prepared my strawberry cake mix according to package directions, then portioned them by the heaping Tablespoonfuls into liberally greased mini muffin tins and baked for about 7 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center came out with moist crumbs. Allow the cupcakes to cool in the pan for about 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. Baking them without liners not only saves an extra step but prevents the cake from being ridged from the liner’s design. Also, feel free to sub in any flavor cake mix you have on hand; I liked the idea of pink strawberry cones so I used strawberry cake, but vanilla, funfetti or chocolate would be cute as well.**
I love these because the mini cupcakes completely eliminate the need to bake a cake and make cake balls, which I find to be mushy most of the time. These stay moist and sweet & are so easy and fun to make!
Have a wonderful Monday, my sweets! & don’t judge me too hard… I swear, it was raining harder a minute ago.
May be linked to: Trick or Treat Tuesdays, Crazy Sweet Tuesdays, Cast Party Wednesday,Dwell On Friday, Mrs. Fox’s Sweet Party, Sweet Treats Thursdays, Tuesday Talent Show, Sweet Tooth Friday, Sweets for a Saturday, Strut Your Stuff Saturday