There are a few things that I’m embarrassed to say, as an adult, I cannot do.
I was hoping it was just a child or adolescent phase. That, along with age I’d be the wiser and could do everything with adult-like savvy and sophistication.
Not the case.
I watch other adults–teens–kids, even–attempt these tasks with ease and complete lack of frustration. They can do these things in the simple blink of an eye, no question. Yet I’m in the corner, wishing ill upon them all because I was born with a genetic defect that prevents me from doing the simplest tasks.
Time to embarrass myself.
#1. Sealing Ziploc baggies. In my defense, if they have the zipper thingy, I’m good. But the regular ol’ strip-seal bags? No way in hell. There’s always a huge open gap in my “seal” and I can never get all the air out.
#2. Touching styrofoam egg cartons. I seriously hate styrofoam. It was created by the devil to wreak awful-sounding, squeakiness onto my ears and cause me to go moderately homicidal. This proves difficult since where we grocery shop, eggs are packaged in styrofoam containers. However, last summer I got some eggs at an organic grocery store and yay–they came in cardboard. So you know what I did? I SAVED the cardboard egg containers and I transfer my eggs, cringing the whole time I’m touching the damn styrofoam. It’s nearly unbearable.
#3. Putting my shoes away. Okay, I really am genetically incapable of doing this. My shoes are strewn about my house everywhere. I got the concept from my dad, who has his entire footwear collection in our foyer. I learned wisely and enjoy tossing my flats right in doorways and throwing my beat-up converse where people can easily trip. I’m obviously very (in)convenient.
#4. Opening cereal boxes. How am I even a food blogger when I have such difficulty with food packaging? I’m a disgrace. I hate cereal pull-tab boxes. They never open well and there’s always a rip in the tab which makes for an impossible-to-shut-the-tab-box of Fruity Pebbles. And don’t even get me started on the plastic bags–whenever I (gently!) try to rip them open, they burst down the seams. Cereal companies are obviously out to get me.
#5. Opening screw-top bottles. This is an embarrassing story which will probably make my mom happy since it involves my own stupidity preventing my own underage drinking. Last Superbowl 2011, I wasn’t of drinking age but went to a Superbowl party and decided to have a Corona like the rest of the guests. Jessie left the kitchen with a bottle in hand so I went in and grabbed one, too. I took it to my seat and tried a couple of VERY unsuccessful times to unscrew the cap–resulting in a bloodied, red and angry palm on my part and uh, no beer, either. It wasn’t until I later realized Coronas aren’t screw-top drinks. But in my idiotic defense, I can’t open those either.
I should just wear a straitjacket for my life because I am obviously a catastrophic member of society.
To make up for the fact that my parents created such a mess and because Jessie is dating said mess, I made something cheerful and happy and pretty to make them remember my good qualities–like how I can always make them laugh no matter the occasion, or how I make them dinner nightly, or how I let my dad drink my fancy beers; vacuum the living room for my mom and make sure I scratch Jessie’s head every time we’re watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
Something bright and sunny should do the trick… how about Rainbow Truffles??
I’ve been redeemed. Now can you, uh, seal this for me?
Rainbow Truffles *adapted slightly by Rainbow Cake Pops over at Munchkin Munchies– such cute stuff!
1 pkg white cake mix, plus ingredients on back of box
1 small box sugar free/fat free vanilla instant pudding mix
1/3 can vanilla frosting
1 pkg white almond bark
Red, golden yellow, lemon yellow, kelly green, royal blue and violet Wilton gel food coloring
1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Line a muffin tin with 12 paper liners. First, prepare your cake mix according to package directions, stirring dry pudding mix into the batter to combine. Divide the batter evenly among six small bowls. Tint each bowl a different color of the rainbow to the intensity of your choice. I made my colors bright, but pastels would be cute, too!
2. Divide the colored batter into the muffin cups–2 muffin cups per one color–and bake about 13-15 minutes or when a toothpick inserted in the center comes out with light crumbs. Allow to cool completely.
4. To make the balls, take a small pinch of red crumbs, followed by orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. Once each color is in the palm of your hand, gently roll them into a tight ball. Place on a foil-lined baking sheet and repeat until all the crumbs are gone. Allow to harden several hours in the freezer.
5. Once chilled, prepare the almond bark according to package directions. Once melted and smooth, dip each truffle one at a time into the melted chocolate with a toothpick, turning it gently to coat. Allow excess to drip off, then carefully release the coated cake ball back onto the baking sheet. Immediately sprinkle with rainbow sprinkles and repeat until finished. Allow chocolate to harden, then store airtight up to 2 days.
Since my Amazing Rainbow Cupcakes are kind of a big deal around here, these truffles made an instant impression. It’s amazing that a mini rainbow can brighten anyone’s day in one bite-sized morsel of happiness.
I make up for my shameful childlike behavior sometimes.
Have a great day!
May be linked to: Trick or Treat Tuesdays, Crazy Sweet Tuesdays, Cast Party Wednesday,Dwell On Friday, Mrs. Fox’s Sweet Party, Sweet Treats Thursdays, Tuesday Talent Show, Sweet Tooth Friday, Sweets for a Saturday, Strut Your Stuff Saturday, A Themed Baker’s Sunday