It’s terribly scary and I don’t know what to do about it.
I can feel the responsibility creeping up on me… the wrinkles… the sleeping patterns… the crow’s feet– whatever they are, they sound painful. And I probably have them.
I am obviously no longer a kid anymore. Not even a teen. I can’t pull all-nighters and somehow walk away unscathed. I can’t eat a bunch of junk food and pretend like it doesn’t have calories. I can’t enjoy going clothes shopping anymore, because I just become morbidly depressed and end up sobbing in a ball of sweaters inside of the dressing room.
Growing up sucks.
Today, I went to the doctor’s because I’ve been having some gnarly migraines lately. She told me, “at your age, I start seeing lots of patients complaining of chronic migraines.”
SEE? She used the word ‘chronic.’ Only old people get told they have chronic diseases–I see it on the posters around the doctor’s offices all the time, of some jolly old man with the words ‘CHRONIC HEART CONDITIONS’ above him. I don’t know why he’s so jolly because that sounds terrible. But I see it. And I was termed ‘chronic.’
BRB, crawling in a pile of sweaters to cry.
And then there’s shopping. It’s tremendously stressful nowadays, minus the whole no-moolah part.
Although I don’t really need to lose weight, I wouldn’t be opposed to dropping five or ten pounds. But then my friend, who’s older than me and much skinnier, said she was my current weight and lost 20 pounds in like, six months. WTF.
So after grabbing coffee with her, I cried a little and then pretended to catch the exercise bug and rode my bike for like 20 minutes. And then I came home and had two plates of spaghetti.
I’d like to think I burned an amazing amount of calories that would result in an instant 20-pound drop. I’d also like to pretend my clothes and sneakers were what caused my weight to suspiciously raise on the scale at the doctor’s office. Surely Converse sneaks, a V neck and some denim shorts weigh like, 10 pounds, right?
…I mean, sneakers carry a lot of weight. And these shorts aren’t exactly the lightest denim on the market.
So whenever I do venture into the mall now, I try to avoid the trendy things since my mom says “You have too many costumes; you need to start buying practical clothes.” (Read: WORK WEAR)
And today, my grandma told me a nice outfit to go to interviews in would be slacks.
I don’t even own those.
How come everyone sees me as an old woman already!?
Besides the occasional random hip pains I get, I hardly feel old. I mean, when I went to that craft fair at Apple Hill last week, I didn’t succumb and buy refrigerator magnets made out of dried prunes… surely this is a sign I’m still young enough not to appreciate dried fruit magnets?!
And I’m not (yet) excitedly tuning in to watch Wheel of Fortune or anything… so I must still be youthful, right?!
I’M ONLY TWENTY! Can we at least wait another forty years before I hate shopping, spot wrinkles, set QVC on my DVR and get understandable hip pains? Please?
In the meantime, because of my great distress over my current condition, I made skeleton cupcakes. Age-appropriate? Not so much… but they’re darn cute and perfect for Halloween.
I originally just Googled ‘skeleton cupcakes’ and this picture came up. Based on the picture alone I was able to make them, but my stupid skeleton arms wouldn’t quite stay put, and my skellies’ rib cages are a little on the flatter side, but hey–every skeleton cupcake ages differently, don’t they?
Spooky Skeleton Cupcakes
24 cupcakes, baked and cooled (I tinted a vanilla batter orange to be festive)
2 cans vanilla frosting or prepared homemade buttercream (may want to double if you’re going to pile frosting on high)
Halloween sprinkles or non-pareils
24 small lollypop sticks
12 large marshmallows, cut in half with kitchen shears
About 72 whole yogurt pretzels, plus more if you make arms
Edible food marker in BLACK
1. Frost your cupcakes nice and high with your buttercream or canned frosting. Carefully pour sprinkles into a large bowl, and moving your wrist in a circle, dredge the sides of the frosted cupcake in the sprinkles, just coating the edges. Set aside.
2. On the textured (not the cut) side of a marshmallow half, draw faces with your edible food marker, ensuring the ink doesn’t bleed and spread too bad. Spear the bottom of each marshmallow head with a lollypop stick.
3. Stack three yogurt pretzels on top of one another on top of each frosted cupcake. Stick the lollypop through the bottom hole of all three yogurt pretzels, securing them to the lollypop stick. Make sure your skeleton has enough room for a neck!
4. If you wish, cut pretzels in half and gently press into sides of the skeleton’s pretzel “body” for arms.
Aren’t these fun? They make me feel so young and worry-free again.
Make them, and you’ll probably feel the same way.