Prior to being coaxed out of my scary-movie-fear, I refused to watch them but always had the nagging curiosity to see what happens. Come on. How can you not be curious to see if Jamie Lee Curtis makes it out alive in Halloween? Or if Neve Campbell will ever put an end to those pesky mask-faced teenagers in Scream?
Some things you just have to get to the bottom of.
So I admit to sneaking peeks at the endings of these movies, just so I could have some closure… and nightmares that night.
Sadly, I’m one of those scary-movie = nightmare people where if I watch any movie that even indicates breaking and entering, knife wielding, gun slinging, mask wearing, skin shaving, human butchering, creepy piano music playing or, my least favorite, creepy violin music playing… I get nightmares.
It’s like the soundtrack to Halloween permanently penetrated my head and I fell asleep to that creepy dee do do dee do do deeeee all night long.
So I refused to watch them in whole, from beginning to end, and especially with the lights out. Oh helllllll nah.
Then my annoying ex-boyfriend, eager to get me to watch the new remastering of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre with him, basically guilted me into watching it when I wasn’t emotionally prepared.
Guess what? I had nightmares about men wearing skin masks eating human soup for weeks. I was the human soup. I really don’t think I’d taste very good as soup, but trying to ration with a psychopath who hunts teenagers like a young Jessica Biel doesn’t seem like he’d be the most rational fellow so I doubt I could reason with him if he were to attack me.
These predicaments plagued me. It was bad.
And then, I met Jessie. And Jessie professed a love for scary, gory movies. And I had to be the weenie who said, “uhh I’ve actually never seen that. Nope, not that, either. Um, do you have any comedies?”
But one day, something inside of me decided to take my chances and watch one, just because. So we started off small, watching the hilarious, ridiculously inappropriate and hardly scary Thankskilling to which I owe my scary-movie-viewing semi-fearlessness to.
Why would a lame, obviously fake killer turkey make me wanna step up to the big leagues and watch real scary movies?
Because it helped me realize all this crap is fake.
Even if it has super awesome special effects; even if, for a split-second, I believe that a puppet riding on a tricycle can actually be capable of committing murder; even if I jump, shriek, have gas (because yes, watching tense, scary things makes my tummy…not so happy) or hide my eyes…it’s all fake.
Babysitting (which I never do, but if I did!) will not result in having a stranger murder the kids in their bedroom and torment me with phone calls. Halloween will not result in my scary, demented brother stabbing a bunch of people and attacking me while I’m wearing my bell bottoms. Taking road trips does not have to mean our car breaks down coincidentally on a(n): Indian burial ground, abandoned campsite, the property of a crazed lunatic, or an insane asylum.
Oh, and speaking of road trips… I watched Road Trip with Jessie last night.
While it wasn’t a quality film and it had a “huh?” ending, it did show boobs (an obvious merit in any scary movie) and it had some weird story line about Indians sacrificing people’s eyeballs or whatever.
Which oddly got me thinking about eyeball cupcakes of some sort.
Now, I’m no fan of those weird, adventurous foods, like eating cockroaches on sticks or BBQing tripe or anything, but eyeball cupcakes, just like scary movies, are fake–and kinda fun after all.
Plus, these taste waaaaay better than the real thing (well, I’m assuming, anyway… I don’t actually know, but I could be very, very wrong on this count)
And eyeball cupcakes are fun, creative and not at all gory. You don’t even need to live on an Indian burial ground to make them (I know, I’m totally thinking of all the conveniences for you).
They even have surprise candy fillings, too–Reese’s Pieces, to be exact, but you could substitute Reese’s Pieces with M&Ms, Skittles, Sixlets, or any hard-shelled (chocolate) candy.
Wanna know how to make them? Easy!
Alien Eyeball Cupcakes
24 cupcakes, baked and cooled in the flavor of your liking
Vanilla buttercream (enough to frost 24 cupcakes) or 2 cans vanilla frosting
Lime green food coloring, or green + a little yellow
Halloween-themed sprinkles or sequins
1 large box Reese’s Pieces (or 2 avg. sized bags)
1. In a large bowl, tint your frosting (canned or homemade) with the food coloring. You want a nice lime green shade, so start with just enough green for a minty shade, and add small drops of yellow, a little at a time, to achieve a nice, bright lime color. Set aside.
2. With a small paring knife, carefully cut out the core of each cupcake, careful not to cut through the entire cake. Discard or eat cores. Fill each cupcake cavity with Reese’s Pieces until full, but do not overfill.
3. Pipe prepared frosting onto cupcakes, taking care that you cover the entire hole with the frosting–I used an open star tip, like this one. You could also spread your icing on–whichever you prefer.
4. Sprinkle iced cupcakes with your Halloween sprinkles. Unwrap and insert eyeball lollypops into the center of each cupcake just before serving. Eat immediately.
**Note: I found these eyeball suckers at my local Dollar Tree store, and I’m sure you can find them, too. If not, check party supply stores or Halloween specialty shops, or substitute eyeballs with another Halloween-themed sucker, like a pumpkin or ghost. Or, you can make your own eyeball suckers by purchasing a round candy mold, like these, and preparing your eyeballs by hand with candy melts.
Though my mom will probably say “ew, those are gross!” I can confidently tell her, “mom, they’re just cupcakes.” Just like the next time I jump and shiver uncontrollably as the murderer is approaching the bedroom the female lead is hiding in, Jessie can say, “babe, it’s just a movie.”
Fake, and fun, and okay, kind of creepy.
You love it.