Okay, maybe ‘lifelong’ is the wrong word. It became my dream when I realized I don’t want to have a job and would rather sit on my ass and watch Real Housewives marathons on Bravo while eating fistfuls of baked Cheetos to constitute “work.”
Yes, I’m lucky for the job I have. Working at the cupcake factory is a wonderful job, especially for me.
But come on. Who wouldn’t enjoy lounging around, reading a book and sipping on iced tea all day while being fed grapes?
Oh yeah, did I mention that if I was a housewife, I’d totally have my own maid AND grape-feeder? We’d obviously write it off as a business expense.
To be fair to my hardworking hubby, I would help the maid keep the house tidy, and I’d totally be down to cook meals a couple nights a week. I’d make sure it’s housewifey fare, appropriate and fancy, and preferably something French-sounding, so when he asks what it is, I can explain it in my Franglish and he’ll thank me for slaving over the food the entire day because of how complicated it sounds.
Even if it is the French term for “macaroni and cheese.” We’ll leave out the whole Kraft part.
Don’t confuse being a housewife as being lazy. Even without kids to schlep around, or a 9-to-5 career, being a housewife has some definite responsibilities.
1. Managing the entire household’s DVR. Obviously, tape all of your girly shows (Real Housewives, Next Food Network Star, America’s Next Top Model) on the bigger TV. Make sure all your hubby’s shows are taping, too. He’ll get kind of mad if South Park isn’t recorded promptly on time and take it out on you by deleting the lost footage of the Orange County Reunion.
2. Ensuring good food is always on hand. Have you ever been to someone’s house and pilfered through their pantry when they weren’t looking? (Oops, everyone’s done it). And to your dismay, find absolutely NOTHING appetizing to eat? Think about how that poor husband must feel opening his fridge and seeing goat’s milk or granola. So boring. Where’s all the cookies, ice cream, or chips? And you can never go wrong with pizza rolls.
3. Appearances aren’t everything… okay, they are. I’m not suggesting you get your boobs inflated into blimp-sized proportions or have your face frozen in a (futile) attempt to look twenty again (unless you’re twenty, like me) but being a housewife means NOT being a slob who loses control of herself just because she has the freedom to stay home. Yes, you may indulge in handfuls of chips and sneak in a couple cookies. But please, don’t pack on the pounds. Soon your hubs will start looking for housewife number 2 and kicking his house mouse (that’d be you, Chunky) to the curb.
4. Most importantly, bake often. The way to a man’s heart is through small, thoughtful gestures and food. Just sayin’. If you follow my blog religiously (which you totally should) you’ll be in good shape since your man will constantly be eating the sweet stuff. And that is totally why most marriages probably fail–not enough cupcakes. I swear.
So now that you’re thoroughly convinced that being a housewife is a serious and critical job, and that I have totally thought too much into this and therefore, deserve to be one, it’s time for cupcakes.
More specifically, peach cupcakes.
I’m a huge fan of peach tea, and while drinking it, I wondered why I haven’t yet made a peach cupcake. It’s a perfect summer flavor, thanks to fresh peach preserves in the batter and frosting. And it’s easy to make!
Crack into your inner housewife, ’cause today we’re feeling peachy!
Peach Cupcakes with Peach Buttercream Frosting
1 box yellow cake mix
1/3 cup oil
1 small packet peach tea, dissolved in 1 cup water
1 box sugar free/fat free peach jello
1/4 cup peach preserves
Frosting recipe (ingredients and recipe follow)
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 muffin pans with paper liners. In a large bowl, beat together cake mix, eggs, oil and peach tea mixture until blended, about 2 minutes. Blend in packet of peach gelatin mix and peach preserves until combined. Portion into muffin cups, about 2/3 full, and bake, approximately 16-18 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool completely.
Peach Buttercream Frosting
1/2 cup peach preserves
1/2 cup softened butter
1 tsp orange juice
4 cups powdered sugar (more or less)
Gummy peach candies, optional
1. In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together softened butter and peach preserves until creamy and blended, about 2 minutes. Beat in orange juice. Gradually add in powdered sugar, one cup at a time, until stiff but spreadable. Pipe onto cooled cupcakes and garnish with a gummy peach candy, if desired.
These cupcakes are absolutely perfect for summer BBQs or whenever you feel like indulging in your inner housewife.
Think how amazing they’d be with a cream-filled center … yum. If you wanted more peach flavor (as well as some peach pieces) you could always blend in a can of peach pie filling and see what happens. How yummy would those be with whipped cream while they’re still hot?
I know I’m making you drool… but that’s merely one of the strenuous jobs of a housewife.